Things You Only Do Once -

[Rabid Mule]

Standing on top of a sawhorse in the garage, rearranging stuff in the attic space above. Forgetting that I was not standing on the ground and making a sharp and sudden 90 degree turn. Straight down - legs open wide the tenderest parts of my anatomy coming to a sudden stop on the top of the sawhorse. Passing out from the pain and coming to some time later in some SERIOUS agony. Pain went away after a few weeks. That was 35 years ago and I still wince when I think of it. Oh, I've never stood upon a saw horse again.

[beginner shooter]

Ok Ill play. Took the dust cover off my AK-47 to diagnose why the sear wasnt holding the hammer after a cycle. Then tried to manually use my thumb to 'reset' the hammer to the sear and thumb slipped off hammer with live round in the chamber. The bolt smashed my thumb so bad I nearly vomited followed by one of the longest strings of four letter words you've ever heard. Yup you only do that once.

[Bullzeye]

Dropping a 25# iron barbell plate on my foot from about four feet high at the gym. I wasnt paying attention and I grabbed the 45# plate that was in back of it on the plate rack. Never saw the 25# plate in front of it! Slammed right onto my foot. Went to the hospital that night b/c my foot was swollen. Luckily, no broken bones just alot of bruising.

[s_gorilla45]

Dropping a 25# iron barbell plate on my foot from about four feet high at the gym. I wasnt paying attention and I grabbed the 45# plate that was in back of it on the plate rack. Never saw the 25# plate in front of it! Slammed right onto my foot. Went to the hospital that night b/c my foot was swollen. Luckily, no broken bones just alot of bruising.

I had a 120# dumbbell "bounce" off the rack onto the top of my foot. I always wait till I get my breath under control before racking bells now!

I was at Lake Pleasant on a friends houseboat a few years back. When we were coming back to the dock, I was tasked with getting the boat tied up once we got settled. I decided that it would be a good idea to jump the last few feet to the dock as we were coming in. I slipped on the jump (too many beverages ) and barely caught myself with my left hand on the railing. Seeing the dock rapidly approaching my face, I did what was later described as the most impressive one arm pull-up ever seen! I weight right at 260# at the time. I hyper-extended my elbow and couldn't move it for about 2 weeks.

[ScottA320]

You people are killing me here. This is some good stuff, someone should put all this in book.

A few of the things I learned while growing up...

Never try to crack open a walnut with a pocket knife while holding the walnut in your hand. 6 stitches in my left thumb from that one.

Never run with a fork in your mouth. Thank God I was to young to remember that one very well.

Never run while carrying a sharp stick. Had to have a 5 inch chunk of wood removed from my left cheek.

Never throw rocks at people. Another 6 stitches from that one. I missed, he didn't.

And never, ever try to ride a ginormous horse bareback that is trained for English riding when you only know a little about riding western style. No one told me that gripping tight with your legs is the signal to go faster to an English trained horse and that pulling back on the rains at the same time might just cause that peanut sized brain, 2500 Lb animal to buck like some rodeo bronc and throw your a$$ off his back. I doubt I even made it the full 8 seconds before I took a header right into the arena floor, thank God it was recently plowed up so it was kind of soft and the only thing bruised was my ego.

Oh and one more...

Never walk up to a someone you know sitting with a large group of people early on a Saturday morning and proceed to announce to the entire group how hungover you are and what a great time you had at this party you went to the night before, at least what parts you can remember and then ask him what he's doing there so early. I found out that it was an AA support group having their weekly meeting. It may not hurt like the other lessons but sure makes you feel like a moron!

Edited April 28, 2010 by ScottA320

[Mark K]

Probably in 6th grade or so. Somehow, I am riding a "Girl's Bike" with no top frame bar. We are all charging down the street and hitting a small ramp to jump the bikes. I am peddling standing up. I hit the ramp, jump, hit the ground, and the chain comes off the sprockets. My feet slide off the peddles, and my groin goes crashing down to the bottom of the frame as I coast down road with my knees dragging on the asphalt as the only brakes (coaster brake - no hand breaks).

Never looked at a girl's bike the same since.

Mark K.

[JeffWard]

See recent post in another thread about jumping off 80ft railroad trestles into 20ft of water...

I only did THAT once...

Jeff

[LChico]

Background: I wanted to purchase a small purse, similar to those used by runners. I had one in black leather that I'd worn out & wanted a new one for a trip to Las Vegas. Everything in the local stores was nylon fabric and brightly colored. So I went to Google. . .

NEVER search for "Fanny Pack" on Google. You will have to poke your eyes out.

Linda Chico (L-2035)

Columbia SC

Edited April 28, 2010 by LChico

[Corey]

Background: I wanted to purchase a small purse, similar to those used by runners. I had one in black leather that I'd worn out & wanted a new one for a trip to Las Vegas. Everything in the local stores was nylon fabric and brightly colored. So I went to Google. . .

NEVER search for "Fanny Pack" on Google. You will have to poke your eyes out.

Linda Chico (L-2035)

Columbia SC

hahahaha, i can only imagine

[diehli]

3rd image on Google search of "fanny pack":

[Team Amish 1]

Why are fanny packs called fanny packs when they are normally worn on the opposite side of the fanny?

Anyways, never try to impress your buddies by popping a wheelie when there are cars closeby.

I once crashed my Vespa right into the driver's door. Not cool.

Edited May 3, 2010 by Team Amish 1

[Wild Gene]

I thought one of those electric dog collars wasn't working. You can see where this is going.

I tried it on my hand and nothing really, then my arm and it was no big deal, then I strapped it on my neck, and when I hit the button....... The worst of it is it startled me so much, I hit the button another two or three times before I could put the damned thing down..... Your neck is way more sensitive than your hands or arms...

It was a true Darwin moment..

WG

[Mark K]

I thought one of those electric dog collars wasn't working. You can see where this is going.

I tried it on my hand and nothing really, then my arm and it was no big deal, then I strapped it on my neck, and when I hit the button....... The worst of it is it startled me so much, I hit the button another two or three times before I could put the damned thing down..... Your neck is way more sensitive than your hands or arms...

It was a true Darwin moment..

WG

I did not do this. Found it years ago on the internet, and believe it is one of the funniest thing I ever read. Similar to your situation.

Dear Friends, the mind is a wonderful thing; curiosity is not a wonderful thing. To much of one and not enough of the other in the wrong hands can be lethal in some cases.

My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to, "hey y'all, hold my beer and watch this!" Well, I have outdone myself once again. No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a LifeTime movie in the near future. Here goes...............

Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn (Name of the establishment changed to protect the innocent)that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I bought something really cool for for my wife. The occasion was our anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. Tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that, if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee . . I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to the wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, etc., etc.

There I sat on my couch, my dog, Mini, looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not Mini) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping Mini for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet dog, after all.

But, if I was going to give this thing to the wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time...

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, and BBT hat on my head, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!" Friggin'

way--trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, Mini looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "Don't do it, buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?). I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight--always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?)

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY **************! DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. Mini was standing over me making funny sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, do it again!" (Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.)

SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My hat was on the mantel of the fireplace. How did that get get there???

My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed

88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.

By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm offering a reward. They're round, rather large, kinda hairy, and handsome if I must say so myself. Miss 'em . . . sure would like to get 'em back.

[GrumpyOne]

I thought one of those electric dog collars wasn't working. You can see where this is going.

I tried it on my hand and nothing really, then my arm and it was no big deal, then I strapped it on my neck, and when I hit the button....... The worst of it is it startled me so much, I hit the button another two or three times before I could put the damned thing down..... Your neck is way more sensitive than your hands or arms...

It was a true Darwin moment..

WG

I did not do this. Found it years ago on the internet, and believe it is one of the funniest thing I ever read. Similar to your situation.

Dear Friends, the mind is a wonderful thing; curiosity is not a wonderful thing. To much of one and not enough of the other in the wrong hands can be lethal in some cases.

My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to, "hey y'all, hold my beer and watch this!" Well, I have outdone myself once again. No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a LifeTime movie in the near future. Here goes...............

Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn (Name of the establishment changed to protect the innocent)that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I bought something really cool for for my wife. The occasion was our anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. Tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that, if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee . . I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to the wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, etc., etc.

There I sat on my couch, my dog, Mini, looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not Mini) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping Mini for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet dog, after all.

But, if I was going to give this thing to the wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time...

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, and BBT hat on my head, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!" Friggin'

way--trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, Mini looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "Don't do it, buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?). I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight--always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?)

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY **************! DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. Mini was standing over me making funny sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, do it again!" (Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.)

SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My hat was on the mantel of the fireplace. How did that get get there???

My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed

88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.

By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm offering a reward. They're round, rather large, kinda hairy, and handsome if I must say so myself. Miss 'em . . . sure would like to get 'em back.

Along the same lines, I DID NOT DO THIS!

An unconscious 30-year-old man was brought to the ER by ambulance. His girlfriend had found him lying naked on the floor of his bathroom and called 911. In the ER, he was found to have a large lump on the top of his head and, strangely, several scratches on his scrotum. The doctors figured the lump was possibly caused by a fall or a knock to the head. However the source of the scratches remained a mystery until he woke up and provided the doctors with the following explanation. He said he had been cleaning his bathtub while naked, kneeling on the floor beside the tub. His cat, apparently transfixed by the rhythmic swaying of his scrotum, lunged forward, sinking its claws into this pendulous target. This caused the man to rocket upward, striking his head on the top frame of the shower door.

[Kevin G.]

Quite uneventful and probably obvious to most reading this. I'll definitely not do this again.

Right after seating the primer in a .38 case I realized it was split and was useless. In my ignorance I assumed the easiest way to make this safe to throw away is to toss it in the old 686 and pop it. It took me 45 minutes to figure out why my Revo was now locked so tight nothing moved and another 20 to fix it. A drop of break free would have been much quicker.

[Will_M]

My dad is 48 but he's old school. He's a strong advocate of the "beat the hell out of your kid" discipline technique. I am only 21 but I can relate to a few of these stories. Not too many, though, because his technique worked. After the first few major screw ups, I didn't do them again. Maybe parents should just hit their kids every once in a while. I know I thank my parents frequently for doing it to me.

When I was 17 I was trying to install a new set of speakers in my car. I ran out of wire crimps and needed to go to the hardware store to get more. Since my car was in pieces in the garage, I needed to borrow my dad's truck. He was out of town on a business trip and was using his work truck. He said I could use his personal truck, "as long as you don't scratch it or I'll kill you" (he said that last part jokingly, but with a hint of "Seriously I'll kill you")

My dad's truck is parked in front of the garage door where he kept his boat, the truck facing the street. So I go inside and grab his spare set of keys and get in. I start to pull forward when I hear the most awful grinding sound I've ever heard in my life. I slam on the brakes, having only traveled about ten feet. I start shaking as I look in the rear view mirror. I get out of the truck and nearly pass out (seriously) from the sight in front of me. The garage door has been completely ripped off the house. Along with it is my dad's bass boat (tied for second with his children on things he loves).

My phone rings. It's my dad. He says, "oh by the way make sure you unhook the boat first."

My dad fishes about four days a week in the summer. To expedite his frequent trips, he got to where he would just back his boat into the garage and lower the garage door to where it contacted the trailer hitch on the boat trailer. He would never actually unhook the boat. He would then just roll the door up and take off whenever he wanted to go fishing.

I didn't know this.

[m134b]

Of electric fences...

Like many of us, I'm very fortunate to have survived to reach adulthood (a hotly contested topic in and of itself). Rewind to the summer between freshman/sophmore year of high school. My best friend and I decided to camp out on my farm, needless to say, We brought everything we needed, except a source of fire, food, and common sense. I shouldn't say that... on leaving the campsite to retrieve the fire and food, we left the latter in the tent.... Me being the scrawny, muscular type, decide to take a shortcut over one of the many electric fences that criss cross the property. This happened to be a corner, with wooden posts, which I brace on, and bound over with ease. Chris, on the other hand, is 6'5" 240~ and about as graceful as a B-52 flying into a gardenhose..... attempts to do the same thing, of course, he gets one leg over the top wire and the horizontal post his OTHER leg is on snaps.... He is left with one leg on the ground, the other supported about mid thigh by one VERY pissed off electrified barb wire fence! Being the true friend I am, I try my best to extricate him from this predicament, all the while laughing so hard I can't see straight. Every stick I pick up to push down on the wire breaks, only releasing tension for a brief instant only to snap the wire back into his leg. I finally grab hold of a stick that doesn't break, and after about 2 minutes of jumping on one leg and screaming like a chimp on crack my friend finally has both feet back on solid ground.

He laughs about it now..... but he CERTAINLY didn't find it very funny at the time! Man those were fun times..... miraculous that we survived... but fun!

Ken

Edited June 27, 2010 by m134b

[McAllyn]

Summer before 7th grade my buddy and I decide that we're tired of jumping our go-carts, and it was time to play go-cart soccer. Yes, we built a ramp and were jumping go-carts.

Anyway, after a few minutes of go-cart soccer, it was time to hit the ramp again. I had no idea the soccer ball was trapped under my go-cart in the hollow space between the seat and the rear axle. When you hit a ramp at a pretty good speed with a soccer ball under your go-cart, it will compress and rebound quite efficiently.

I only remember watching the horizon changing very quickly. Then I landed on my face, shattered my humorus, fractured my neck, and fractured my back. It was a learning experience to say the least.

Mac

[LT45]

Out deer hunting in Georgia many years back. We were walking through the woods in the early afternoon.

Feeling the call of nature, I walked up to a fallen pine tree, leaned my rifle against it and proceed to do my business, not paying too much attention to my aim.

I looked up and there were two bucks standing about 20 yards right in front of me.

All of the sudden I’m watching the deer running off at warp speed as a blood curdling yell echoed through the woods scaring them off. There must have been some sort of time warp or sensory disconnect, as I realized it was me that was doing the yelling.

A wasp had stung me right on the end of my ….! I can’t begin to describe the pain.

I learned a valuable lesson that day. As in shooting, be aware of your target and what is behind it. Especially if there’s a wasps nest in the line of fire.

[jkatz44]

Out deer hunting in Georgia many years back. We were walking through the woods in the early afternoon.

Feeling the call of nature, I walked up to a fallen pine tree, leaned my rifle against it and proceed to do my business, not paying too much attention to my aim.

I looked up and there were two bucks standing about 20 yards right in front of me.

All of the sudden I’m watching the deer running off at warp speed as a blood curdling yell echoed through the woods scaring them off. There must have been some sort of time warp or sensory disconnect, as I realized it was me that was doing the yelling.

A wasp had stung me right on the end of my ….! I can’t begin to describe the pain.

I learned a valuable lesson that day. As in shooting, be aware of your target and what is behind it. Especially if there’s a wasps nest in the line of fire.

[doubleforte78]

Thumb behind the slide.

And, for new Open shooters, thumb behind the racker.

Did this at a match last month. Shooting supported off-hand. Never thought to practice that! Oops...

[joecichlid]

Thumb behind the slide.

And, for new Open shooters, thumb behind the racker.

Did this at a match last month. Shooting supported off-hand. Never thought to practice that! Oops...

Isn't it amazing just how far you can bend your thumb the wrong way without breaking it?

Joe W.

[BigBets]

Talking to a buddy while hanging paper targets. Put my hand behind the paper target and not paying attention punch a 1/2 inch staple all the way thru the cardboard and fully into my trigger finger...Made for a very interesting match...funny now after a week and the pain subsided

[ebg3]

Talking to a buddy while hanging paper targets. Put my hand behind the paper target and not paying attention punch a 1/2 inch staple all the way thru the cardboard and fully into my trigger finger...Made for a very interesting match...funny now after a week and the pain subsided

Did that too...staple hit my finger nail from the back.

[lukec44]

One of my soldiers after an ND in a neighborhood was so scared of the chewing he was about to receive, he put his mag back in his m4 upside down.