Things You Only Do Once -

[ExtremeShot]

If you ever take a crap in the woods, make sure your pants are out of the way. You can imagine what happend.

[JimmyZip]

If you ever take a crap in the woods, make sure your pants are out of the way. You can imagine what happend.

I got one similar, watch out for the dog! When I was a kid, took the dog out rabbit hunting in the dunes. Had to drop a duece and he thought it was lunch I guess. I never let him lick me in the face EVER AGAIN!

Sick puppy!

[dstroyed]

Couple of buddies, my wife and I were at a concert early for some tail gating. After a PU bed full of empty tall boys and Tequila bottle we fired up the grill. We were parked in a gravel parking lot. As I was standing there drinking and cooking I notice this one rock that is different color. I bent down and picked it up. I quickly realized it wasn’t a rock it was a hot charcoal bricket that was somehow several feet from the grill. Mother Trucker that thing was hot. Lucky i still have my finger prints.

[L-10_shooter]

Dremels and guns do not belong in the same room together.

Bad dog, hahaha

[JimmyZip]

Couple of buddies, my wife and I were at a concert early for some tail gating. After a PU bed full of empty tall boys and Tequila bottle we fired up the grill. We were parked in a gravel parking lot. As I was standing there drinking and cooking I notice this one rock that is different color. I bent down and picked it up. I quickly realized it wasn’t a rock it was a hot charcoal bricket that was somehow several feet from the grill. Mother Trucker that thing was hot. Lucky i still have my finger prints.

In the sauna of a hotel this winter, daughter thought to pick up one of the rocks and show it to my wife. Took a couple of days to get those fingers not to hurt, and a couple more before they were healed.

Sometimes I don't know what that girl is thinking. She is the most accident prone person that I know.

[mgood]

My second year of college I moved off campus. . . . smoke detector . . . steam set it off . . . the noise had to stop. . . . I tried pressing the buttons and then removed the cover and took the battery out. Dam thing still wouldn't stop. So finally I lost it and reached up to wrestle it off the wall one way or another. Did I mention I was still soaking wet from the shower? Turns out the smoke alarm was hard wired into the wall. . . .

I was living in an apartment in college.

Steam from the shower set off the smoke alarm.

Like you, I thought I'd pull it down and take the battery out.

Like yours, it was hard-wired.

Naked and still still dripping water all over the place, I stood on a chair with a pair of wire cutters.

For a brief moment I wondered what they would think when they found me dead and nude sprawled across this wet chair after being electrocuted by the ceiling-mounted smoke detector.

Fortunately, I did not get shocked. But I knew it was not the smartest move I ever made.

[Classic_jon]

Never tell a demo guy he can use some "surplus" C-4 to cut down a tree while the sergeant goes and gets someone to repair the chainsaw that some idiot broke...

On the way back the sergeant heard a series of "pops" and saw a bunch of trees fall. He somehow made it all the way back before my buddy set off the SECOND chain of "field expedient tree felling charges."

Note, this is the same Demo guy who got bonus points in his "field expedient demo class" for making a shaped charge look like a little snowman...and it functioned perfectly.... :-D

[ebg3]

If you ever take a crap in the woods, make sure your pants are out of the way. You can imagine what happend.

And make sure you are not squatting over a ground bee nest!

[GrumpyOne]

This might apply more in the young and stupid category but...

After approximately a 12 pack or so each some friends and I decided it was a good idea to venture through the train tunnel just beyond the clearing we had made our drinking area that evening. After all it's 1AM trains don't come through in the middle of the night in this area we said. The tunnel in question was about 800 meters long and we were about 80% of the way through when we questioned what the flashing yellow light was beyond the end of the tunnel. As it turns out the crossing signal lights on the PA side of the tunnel were yellow. We'd never seen yellow crossing lights, all of the crossing lights on the WV side are red. A few moments later the dead give-away was the single white light pretty high off of the ground with a Conrail sign under it.

Now we could have easily and semi safely made it to the short end but of course given our state of drunkenness we turned to run the other way (the long way). We were strapping athletic lads at the time but the girls slowed us down (everyone almost made it). Needless to say I spent the better part of 10 minutes up against a wall about 100 meters short of getting out with a train rolling past at what seemed at the time like 100 MPH with two screaming young ladies on either side of me. No suffered any permanent physical damage and of course our wives now tell us how stupid we were every time we recount the story.

Ahhh to be an early 20 something again with no bills, responsibilities, and in this case with no sense to speak of.....

I understood completely when I saw you were in WV!

[GrumpyOne]

Never take your drunk buddy to a strip club for his bachelor party.

Pre bachelor party, I had bought a bottle of Wild Turkey 101 to get set up with. My buddy, who thought he could drink with the best of them, kept drinking after I told him to stop....I'd take his drink, hide it (or pour it out), he'd mix another, drink it, then find the one I took from him and drink it too. So, after a couple of hours, we (the party goers) decide to head down to the local strip club. My buddy is so smashed, he can't even speak, sounds like he's stepping on his tongue when he's talking. So, we get to the place, pay the cover, prop him up on a bar stool between me and another friend, and start watching the show. All the time giving him bills to give to the girls (which he had no idea what the hell was going on). Then a really cute, pale skinned, long black hair, 105lb vixen comes walking by, I snag her and ask if she will give my buddy a lap dance. Sure, $40. So I give her the $40, don't tell my buddy, and just keep watching the show. She comes back after a few minutes, grabs him by the arm, drags him over to a private booth (all the while, he's looking at us, saying "Whyere weee gooing?") we all laugh, get back to our drinks and girl watching. About 30 seconds into the next song, I hear this blood curdling scream coming from the direction of the booth. The music stops. All conversation in the entire place stops. you couldv'e heard a pin drop. I think "Oh Sh**, he's grabbed her!". I jump off of the bar stool, take two steps towards the booth, when she steps out, and screams, at the top of her lungs, "HE FU**ING PUKED ON ME!!", all the while staring directly at me (cause I'm the one who paid her). So, she goes running the through the club, nothing on except a gold chain around her waist and a garter on her leg, while I RUN to the booth. Apparently, when they did a lapdance, they took velcro straps and strapped your hands to the side of the booth, and your head to the back, so they could get as close to you as possible, without touching you, cause when I turned the corner, there was my buddy, arms still in the straps, but his head had fallen out, and he is proceding to fill his lap (and the seat), with fresh coke, Wild Turkey, and what appeared to be macaroni and cheese. I grab him, drag him to the bathroom, him leaving a trail the entire way. Get him in the bathroom, get him somewhat cleaned up, and start to take him out to the car. Of course, the management says "It's ok, But don't ever come back". Get him to the car, waiting for the others....And waiting....And waiting....Finally, after 45 minutes, out they come. "What the F*** ?" I ask... "They made us clean it up!" Ok, so only an 1 &1/2 hours has passed since we left my apartment, which we can't go back to, cause his future bride is having her bachelorette party there (which wasn't supposed to start till an hour after we left). So, we go to an abandoned soccer field, drag him out in the middle, out of the lights, and drop him. In all this, he starts complaining of freezing, so I give him my shirt (It's freaking July in FLORIDA, how can he be cold?). So, after another hour, we drive back to my place, swing open the door, to see his future wife (and my future wife for that matter), sitting there, watching as we drag him in, me with no shirt, him wearing my shirt, smelling of coke, Wild Turkey and Mac & cheese. Needless to say, there were questions asked that were not answered that night....

Then there's the time I let him plan our fishing trip....But that's another long, drawn out story. I'll tell you about it sometime, after I've had a few drinks so I don't get too mad.

[murkish]

Oh, god...now I am dreading the next thing that I will do that will need to be added to this thread. I can't imagine what it will be, but I know it is lurking out there, just waiting...

Jack

[Victor_R]

I would never try to go 60 mph through a 20 mph corner on my sportbike with out knowing it was a 45 degree turn and a telephone poll at the turning point again.

[rupie]

I would never try to go 60 mph through a 20 mph corner on my sportbike with out knowing it was a 45 degree turn and a telephone poll at the turning point again.

In the old days i had a formula, speed limit times 2, add 10mph and you can make it. you were 10 mph over the formula and you have to be ready for the corner.

[GrumpyOne]

I would never try to go 60 mph through a 20 mph corner on my sportbike with out knowing it was a 45 degree turn and a telephone poll at the turning point again.

In the old days i had a formula, speed limit times 2, add 10mph and you can make it. you were 10 mph over the formula and you have to be ready for the corner.

I used that same formula!

[Victor_R]

I would never try to go 60 mph through a 20 mph corner on my sportbike with out knowing it was a 45 degree turn and a telephone poll at the turning point again.

In the old days i had a formula, speed limit times 2, add 10mph and you can make it. you were 10 mph over the formula and you have to be ready for the corner.

I used that same formula!

Wish I knew that formula. It would have saved me from having to jump off my bike and sliding into the ditch.

[gmantwo]

While shooting the Springfield Armory steel match in Memphis a few years ago I was on the stage with the Micro .45. Of course it jammed. Without a second thought I poked my index finger down into the mag from the top, clearing the jam and about half the skin on my finger when the slide slammed on it, lol.

[iainmcphersn]

While shooting the Springfield Armory steel match in Memphis a few years ago I was on the stage with the Micro .45. Of course it jammed. Without a second thought I poked my index finger down into the mag from the top, clearing the jam and about half the skin on my finger when the slide slammed on it, lol.

That's ironic...

I was just going to post that I was looking at an AR I had recently rebarrelled. I had the bolt locked back and was examining the feedramps. Looked like the barrel has M-4 ramps and the receiver did not. I reached up through the magwell to feel this with my right index finger and accidently bumped the bolt release, slamming the bolt down on my fingernail. Not sure how bad it is right now as I just got it rinsed off and bound up so the bleeding would stop...

From what I saw through the blood, it looks like one of the lugs knocked loose piece of the nail about a 1/4" square. This is going to hurt for a while...

Of course, this is my strong hand trigger finger...

[Field]

i stabbed one of my fingers with the decapping pin on my resizing die one time. oooops.

[joecichlid]

i stabbed one of my fingers with the decapping pin on my resizing die one time. oooops.

Been there, done that and yeah it hurts like a son of a b.... well you get the idea. Hope it healed up quickly, and that it wasn't your trigger finger.

Joe W.

[fuzzysights]

ok, this one dates me a bit. I was adjusting the points (pre-electronic ignition) on my friends $50 Pontiac one night when we had been drinking. They would wear really fast and when the car started running rough you just slid the window in the distributor cap up and adjusted them until it smoothed out. I now know why the professional tool for this has an insulated handle. I used a standard allen wrench. Let me tell one true fact in life, the zipper in jeans makes a great conductor to the fender! Ouch! We are in a townhouse parking lot about 11PM when this happens. I am screaming and dropping my pants. Short hairs are smoking and there is a general numbness in parts dear to me. My buddies are now laughing their asses off and lights are coming on in many windows. Not something I hope to ever relive.

[5Shot]

ok, this one dates me a bit. I was adjusting the points (pre-electronic ignition) on my friends $50 Pontiac one night when we had been drinking. They would wear really fast and when the car started running rough you just slid the window in the distributor cap up and adjusted them until it smoothed out. I now know why the professional tool for this has an insulated handle. I used a standard allen wrench. Let me tell one true fact in life, the zipper in jeans makes a great conductor to the fender! Ouch! We are in a townhouse parking lot about 11PM when this happens. I am screaming and dropping my pants. Short hairs are smoking and there is a general numbness in parts dear to me. My buddies are now laughing their asses off and lights are coming on in many windows. Not something I hope to ever relive.

Yowsers!!!!

I have one that will make that sound pretty tame though......from my dad not me....

His buddy was trying to figure out why the generator (not an alternator - not sure if it would have made a difference though) on his car wasn't working correctly, and without thinking, he reached behind it (engine running) and hit the terminal on the back side with his wedding ring. The thing turned glowing red almost instantly and burned flesh right down to the bone of his finger

[ima45dv8]

And along those same lines...

One of my ex-wives father (good guy; we're still friends) got nailed by the ignition system on his truck once. He said it made the arthritus in his hands better almost immediately. He actually, deliberately, practiced pulling plug wires and holding them as a periodic treatment for several years.

Fast forward to the day he finally retired his ancient pickup and bought a more modern version. With an HEI ignition system.

After the first "treatment", he dropped that plan instantly.

[benos]

ok, this one dates me a bit. I was adjusting the points (pre-electronic ignition) on my friends $50 Pontiac one night when we had been drinking. They would wear really fast and when the car started running rough you just slid the window in the distributor cap up and adjusted them until it smoothed out. I now know why the professional tool for this has an insulated handle. I used a standard allen wrench. Let me tell one true fact in life, the zipper in jeans makes a great conductor to the fender! Ouch! We are in a townhouse parking lot about 11PM when this happens. I am screaming and dropping my pants. Short hairs are smoking and there is a general numbness in parts dear to me. My buddies are now laughing their asses off and lights are coming on in many windows. Not something I hope to ever relive.

:roflol:

I can go back to that time period. Holy crap - I got the visual on that one!

be

[01G8R]

93 Mustang. Getting a miss at anything over 4500rpm so I figured I had a bad plug wire. At night in my driveway, car running, with all the lights out looking for a break in the plug wires. Left hand on the fender and touched the coil wire with my right hand. I took all of the shock and the car died. Replaced the coil wire and all was well again.

When you do this the first time it hurts so bad that you swear to yourself that you will never let it happen again, but you do it on a semi regular basis if you work on cars enough. When I built my shop I installed a two post auto lift. Well the lift doesn't go high enough for the arms to clear my head. Smack your head on one of the lift arms at full stride to the toolbox and you will consider working off of your back again (until the stars clear and you realize that smacking your head into the lift is always better than working off of your back). BTW, backing into the lift arm is just as good. It really comes as a surprise. It's even better if your shorter friends are around to laugh at you and then walk right under the arms.

Dirtbiking while drinking. There was an incident that involved the recovery of a dirtbike from the bottom of a canal.

Checking above dirtbike's fuel level with an open flame.

Drive through a flag pond to check the depth of the water at a high rate of speed. A stripped Bronco on 38's will float/hydroplane, but just for a few seconds.

Buy a boat.

Mudding a 3 wheeler without rear fenders, with home made snow chains.

Edited October 17, 2009 by 01G8R

[mgood]

Apparently, when they did a lapdance, they took velcro straps and strapped your hands to the side of the booth, and your head to the back, so they could get as close to you as possible, without touching you. . . .

Florida, huh?

Sounds like the Cafe Risque .

Um . . . not that I would know. . . . I've heard about it, yeah, that's it. Someone told me about it.