Need Advice: Being a USPSA Compeditor and having a family

[Hi-Power Jack]

Best bet is to take her to the range and show her how much fun you are having. Let her shoot your gun and see if she wants one of her own.

If possible, this is The Best Idea.

But, I'd make a change or two - don't let her shoot your 9mm at paper,

get a .22, make sure she has good earmuffs, shoot outdoors, at

reactive targets

If that doesn't float her boat, shooting your 9mm at paper will NEVER

get her interested.

As a few people mentioned - communicate with her about this issue.

Good luck - this is important.

[Malarkey]

These are all really good ideas. We left off with the idea that we would work on some kind of compromise. I appreciate all of the advice.

[Chills1994]

Previously, I had never been in the financial situation to afford vacations/trips. I explained it to one girlfriend that shooting matches (at that time) was like taking a mini vacation. I could relax and unwind at the range. I told her to never gripe about me shooting matches.

Some months passed by and she brought it that I was shooting too many matches.

My reply (without totally engaging my prefontal lobe filter first) was "Would you rather I spent the same amount of time and money at strip clubs?" She never brought it up again.

Not to be a Debbie Downer on USPSA specifically and shooting sports in general, nobody is ever going to get on the Wheaties box, and nobody is gonna win a new truck at a local club match.

I am guessing that if you were to cyber stalk the USPSA classifier pages of the top GM's, you'll see that they don't spend every weekend shooting locals. IIRC, one top GM even commented on another forum how he was maybe going to shoot two locals all year.

Let's face it...you spend somewhere between 3 to 5 hours for locals, and at most you get a minute to two minutes of shooting in. What do you or can you learn in those minutes.

Would your time be better spent at home dry firing for a half hour?

Or going to some other non-match range and practicing on your own for an hour?

If you are disciplined and have a plan before you go, you'll get way more out of that hour at the range than 3 hours at the club match.

[Punished]

I can weigh in as much as I have a live in girlfriend for while now. She is an athlete and extremely competitive, so when I put the 22 in her hand shooting paper she was 100% in until she hit bulls relatively consistently at 7-10yrds. So I gave her my limited gun to shoot while I did carbine drills and she liked that but the paper/reactive paper became boring. She attended my first match back after 3 years off but is not really interested in USPSA, but when I put a plate rack in front with the 22, she didn't want to stop. Steel challenge may be something down the line for us both to shoot.

With that said, I've shot 3 other matches that she went off and did her own things during. The key to me is time management. I could shoot Tues night, Thurs night, Fri night, and Sundays like I did years ago. Mix in dry fire, etc and its 7days a week. But I know my relationship would go down the drain. By sticking to 2 sundays a month, which has me back home at lunch time works out to me in the best way possible. Luckily, compared to my other previous hobbies, shooting takes up the littlest amount. I also managed to sometimes slip in my 20min of dry fire during her shower time.

The 1 thing I've recognized (and was said already by a few others) is giving as much time to her as you can. That way, on a random night if I have to work on the car, play with my guns, etc. It is more easily accepted to the relationship as I'm asking for just a few hours of the week for my own hobbies. She will usually read a book/email or call family/watch that tv show I refuse to during this time.

[kneelingatlas]

If you're thinking of this as a zero sum, my time, her time situation do yourself a favor and walk before it's too late.

[T.McDevitt]

You really don't want to hear what I have to say.

You are asking a Question that you already have the answer too, call on the Force!!

[motosapiens]

If you're thinking of this as a zero sum, my time, her time situation do yourself a favor and walk before it's too late.

I concur. I do stuff with my wife because I like to, not because I have to.

But admittedly I am a jackass, and on the very few occasions in 10 years where she has tried to tell me what to do, I have politely pointed out that we don't have that kind of relationship, and if she wants one where people tell each other what to do, she'd best get started on meeting someone who thinks that's ok.

I do enjoy being with her tho, so much so that I skipped the awards at the columbia cascade sectional (even tho I got a trophy and $$) so that I could get back to the trailer in time to take her out for a fancy dinner on her birthday.

Edited January 6, 2016 by motosapiens

[Nimitz]

Yikes, I missed the 'fiancé' part .... You definitely need to figure this out before you get much further or like someone mentioned, you will just grow to resent her for not letting you do what you want to ... I've never believed in the concept of "I'll be able to change" someone. People are going to act basically the same throughout their entire adult life unless they come across a truely life-changing event.

Do you have to compromise some when you get married vice being single? of course since there is another person now sharing your life. But having to give up your passions to get married? Like already was mentioned ... Run away .... Quickly .... (You'll thank us later)

You're probably too young (no offense) to have seen the movie Foot Loose, but it has one of the greatest lines I've ever heard in it & something that I have adopted all my life:

"When you give up your dreams you die ..."

Edited January 7, 2016 by Nimitz

[Chris iliff]

1. She won't get easier to live with.

2. Wife and family are hostage to fame and fortune. (let this one marinate)

3. Your rapid rise is proof of something,......... Is its lasting, or do you Generally conquer new things and move on to other things quickly?

4. She won't get easier to live with.

5. She won't get easier to live with.

I was married 20 years, with her 22, and she monopolized my time from day one. I allowed it. It sucked balls. Divorced.

When my current wife and I were dating we went to some matches, she thought it was fine, but it didn't trip her trigger. I explained it was who I was. It's what I wanted to do and I wouldn't compromise on that point. I shot almost every Sunday, 4 weekends a month, April through November for almost 6 straight years.

NOT ONE COMPLAINT. EVER. KEEPER.

6. You have to know who you are and what you are about and who you are dating and what they are about. If both people are at peace with that, it's good. Being at peace and saying it's alright are two completely different things.

7. Did I mention she won't get easier to live with?

8. Anyone can marry and "make it work" for awhile anyway. It's better to be pickier and marry someone in which it will just work,......no "make" necessary.

Oh I forgot my advice.........WALK

Edited January 7, 2016 by Chris iliff

[Sarge]

Previously, I had never been in the financial situation to afford vacations/trips. I explained it to one girlfriend that shooting matches (at that time) was like taking a mini vacation. I could relax and unwind at the range. I told her to never gripe about me shooting matches.

Some months passed by and she brought it that I was shooting too many matches.

My reply (without totally engaging my prefontal lobe filter first) was "Would you rather I spent the same amount of time and money at strip clubs?" She never brought it up again.

Not to be a Debbie Downer on USPSA specifically and shooting sports in general, nobody is ever going to get on the Wheaties box, and nobody is gonna win a new truck at a local club match.

I am guessing that if you were to cyber stalk the USPSA classifier pages of the top GM's, you'll see that they don't spend every weekend shooting locals. IIRC, one top GM even commented on another forum how he was maybe going to shoot two locals all year.

Let's face it...you spend somewhere between 3 to 5 hours for locals, and at most you get a minute to two minutes of shooting in. What do you or can you learn in those minutes.

Would your time be better spent at home dry firing for a half hour?

Or going to some other non-match range and practicing on your own for an hour?

If you are disciplined and have a plan before you go, you'll get way more out of that hour at the range than 3 hours at the club match.

Horse hockey!! It's not about winning trucks. It's about getting away from the ball and chain and spending quality time with friends doing something I love to do.

[TonytheTiger]

This is an easy problem. Drop shooting. Pick up any form of motorsports. Go balls deep in that for a year. She'll beg you to go back to shooting.

[Daft]

I get her statement. You are engaged, you spend a lot of time shooting and she does not shoot. She is concerned once you are married you will do your hobby all the time and not do stuff with her.

As long as u 2 can talk about stuff and pay attention to what you are both saying or trying to say, you will work it out okay.

Edited January 7, 2016 by Daft

[Bkreutz]

This is an easy problem. Drop shooting. Pick up any form of motorsports. Go balls deep in that for a year. She'll beg you to go back to shooting.

That must be why I have not had any problems after 38 years of marriage, I met my wife when she was dating one of my pit crew, they broke up and we got married on the way to Laguna Seca. After many years of living in a motor home, this shooting stuff is easy.

[TonytheTiger]

This is an easy problem. Drop shooting. Pick up any form of motorsports. Go balls deep in that for a year. She'll beg you to go back to shooting.

That must be why I have not had any problems after 38 years of marriage, I met my wife when she was dating one of my pit crew, they broke up and we got married on the way to Laguna Seca. After many years of living in a motor home, this shooting stuff is easy.

She probably wanted to get hitched while she had the chance, just in case you braked late into the corkscrew!

[Chills1994]

Previously, I had never been in the financial situation to afford vacations/trips. I explained it to one girlfriend that shooting matches (at that time) was like taking a mini vacation. I could relax and unwind at the range. I told her to never gripe about me shooting matches.

Some months passed by and she brought it that I was shooting too many matches.

My reply (without totally engaging my prefontal lobe filter first) was "Would you rather I spent the same amount of time and money at strip clubs?" She never brought it up again.

Not to be a Debbie Downer on USPSA specifically and shooting sports in general, nobody is ever going to get on the Wheaties box, and nobody is gonna win a new truck at a local club match.

I am guessing that if you were to cyber stalk the USPSA classifier pages of the top GM's, you'll see that they don't spend every weekend shooting locals. IIRC, one top GM even commented on another forum how he was maybe going to shoot two locals all year.

Let's face it...you spend somewhere between 3 to 5 hours for locals, and at most you get a minute to two minutes of shooting in. What do you or can you learn in those minutes.

Would your time be better spent at home dry firing for a half hour?

Or going to some other non-match range and practicing on your own for an hour?

If you are disciplined and have a plan before you go, you'll get way more out of that hour at the range than 3 hours at the club match.

Horse hockey!! It's not about winning trucks. It's about getting away from the ball and chain and spending quality time with friends doing something I love to do.

Everybody's goals are different with respect to USPSA.

Some people want to be entertained and have cameraderie.

Some people want to see their name at the top of the results.

[Neomet]

I am lucky. I got my wife as deeply hooked on shooting as I am. On the other hand after 30 years of marriage, two divorces and being married to a woman who after 11 years I still consider the single most amazing person on earth (even without the shooting thing), if this sport became an issue that couldn't be squared I would be gone from this hobby in an instant with no regrets.

But that is me, my life, and my priorities.

[kevin c]

I've been with my wife for 27 years, more than twenty of that shooting USPSA. We raised a son during that time.

She doesn't shoot. She'd rather do her own thing, and is happy that I do mine. We make a point, though, of doing things together as a couple. She'll keep me company on trips to majors, but it's a shared trip where the shooting for me is just part of the agenda (the last time the Nats were in Utah, first half was the match, the rest was hiking the national parks). And some times I simply don't shoot and we go do something we both like that simply does not involve shooting.

It's already been said before, but most relationships are about finding the common ground and also about defining limits. That takes understanding what each of you need and want.

Do you want to make GM? That seems likely, but will take a fair amount of time/effort/money. Do you want to be a National Champion? Even more time/effort/money. Time/effort/money can also be described as sacrifice. Knowing that, and how much are you willing to sacrifice? Knowing that, how much is your fiance willing to sacrifice? What is it that is important to her, personally? Can either or both of you compromise on that?

So, talk now so that both of you know what to expect if you do marry, and go from there.

[jtielke]

Here's how I handle the balance between my family and being decent at shooting.

1. Most of my practice is done in dry fire. I practice between 10-11pm after the wife and kids have gone to bed.

2. Instead of going to a local match every weekend I go practice instead. I plan out what I'm going to do beforehand. Get there, set up targets, shoot my drills and am packed back up in less than 30 minutes. I can easily get 200-300 rounds of practice in that time. I can get a good practice in 10-15 minutes if I'm shooting at steel plates and have preloaded magazines.

3. I shoot an average of 1 major match a month. In months like April and September I might end up out of town 2-3 weekends in a row. I'll do extra to make it up to them and spend more time with my family when I get back.

[obsessiveshooter]

I've got a wife of 13 years and two boys, 9 and 10. I try to shoot one Saturday match, an indoor Wednesday night match and an indoor Sunday night match each month. More than that and I'm really pushing it. Those boys need to spend time with their daddy. I can't leave it to my wife to care for the kids alone half of every weekend or more. I could be a FAR better shooter if I was at 5 or 6 matches a month like the rest of the top shooters in my area. But my marriage and boys are FAR more important than our game. That doesn't mean I'm totally happy missing so many matches, or that I'm not thinking about shooting, or trolling here with most of my alone time. If you want to make GM and be a top competitor, it might take more dedication, travel, time and money than your relationship can handle. You could choose shooting over her and then one day realize you gave up the love of your life to try really hard to be the best at a game that even most gun nuts have never even heard of. I think you might regret that. But that's just my perspective.

[jrguar]

Buy her a Glock 17C or and the and the appropiate amount of required gear, take her to range and walk her through the routine, or better yet get someone else to be her instructor/coach. If it takes, start her off with some small local match(especially one that has some women shooting), expose her to as many of the great people we shoot with. If the shooting does not interest her or the nice folks we shoot with.. then maybe it is time to rethink this whole long term agreement...

My wife of 30 plus years had no problem with me shooting 3-4 matches a month(for years) occasionally taking the kids along... we have tied vacations to major matches...

Good luck..

[BSeevers]

Been in this probably as long as you have been alive. Not going to tell you personally what to do but what I have seen.

Most young " phenoms" or those that rise quick to M/GM disappear as quick. Life and wife take over. You are in a time of life where career growth, kids, houses, second cars....become a big issue and hurdle to shooting especially finances/time.

Usually we see them back in their late 40's or so. Kids gone and better income equals they can afford the $3K guns and all the trimmings. They usually don't win a lot since that's not why they show up They are there for the fun and lot.

Your choice to shoot less and compromise is not probably the right advice for a driven performer like you. That means much less winning competition and skill growth. Can you handle that?

I personally would prefer a woman that shot with me but would never get involved with one that didn't like competition and its effect on our time and money together. A lot of woman feel the same about your work and that's a hard row to hoe too.

[fireman1776]

If you ask yourself the question, if push comes to shove and I am left with the decision of her leaving or me leaving shooting what would you do?

If you answer her leaving then you need to not get married. I've been married 1 year and it's no joke. It's hard. Very hard. You have to make sacrifices. I'm not saying you have to give up shooting or should. But you need to ask yourself what's more important, her or shooting. Because if the answer really is her you need to show her that and you'll find you get to do things you like more. I've had this same struggle with my wife. Make sure she knows she above shooting in your priorities.

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[fireman1776]

You can always pick up shooting later when life calms down. You probably can't resume your relationship with her if you stop it now.

You will have to get out of the single mindset. It's not easy. It's no longer my time it's our time.

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[Hi-Power Jack]

You have to get out of the single mindset. It's no longer my time; it's our time.

Great point.

[motosapiens]

I've been married 1 year and it's no joke. It's hard. Very hard. You have to make sacrifices.

i think perhaps you are doing it wrong. I've only been married 5-ish years (together for 10), but it seems pretty easy as long as we don't expect the other person to do our bidding. If I want more time with my wife, it's also my responsibility to make that time enjoyable, so she wants it too. There's no point in being together at all unless it is positive for both parties.