how do family men deal with competitions?

[MetropolisLake]

Been wanting to get into 3-gun competitions for awhile but it's hard with a wife and 3 kids. There is something significant always going on. If there isn't, it's hard to ditch them for a mini-vacation as I'm sure they're chomping at the bit to get away too. That's what happened this past weekend. The international meet at RockCastle at the end of the month is when my son's birthday party is. It's non-stop like that. And it's not just shooting, I haven't been anywhere nice to snowboard or to a bike race since my middle child was born who is now almost 10, and with 3 it's near impossible. Used to go on a man-cation with some buddies regularly but that got nixed.

So, what's the trick other than to be mostly independently wealthy, and have more sponsors than kids? I can't seem to be able to justify jumping into these things without purposely being very selfish with my limited free time and money. Mostly the time, as I can budget the money part. Interested in hearing from married people with multiple kids.

Edited October 7, 2013 by MetropolisLakeOutfitters

[jayjay1]

Having a wife, two kids and a dog.

I plan my competitions as early as possible, birthdays are no-gos, but only one competition in a month, that´s agreed with my wifey.

We have a big family calendar at the kitchen wall, where everyone writes down his dates, so that all the others know what is going on.

No problem so.

[Nuke8401]

Life is about choices, you like many of us chose a family and the work required to support such family over the single life. Just think when they are all grown up, through school, move out (at least once), get decent jobs, and are possibly married, your major expenses will be over assuming you save enough now to cover all expenses vice borrowing later. Then when you are say 50ish, you and the little lady can go to matches together!

In all seriousness, you must have enough money to justify spending on this indulgence that is for you alone. Concerning the time, make a yearly plan that the wife can agree to up front. It would be unfair if you did not devote significant payback time to your wife and kids to cover your guy time. This would include I think giving her time by herself (you taking care of the kids) or time with you and no kids.

Why do you think they say life is over when you get married? Even more so when you add kids. Now if you figure out how to quickly become independently wealthy then you have some choices.

Concerning important things like birthdays, I skipped my daughter's violin recital once to finish a volunteer project with habitat for humanity. I have regretted it ever since but I don’t get a “reshoot” on that one. And the more I think about it there are very few, if any, “re-shoots” (do-over’s for bad decisions) with your wife and/or kids.

[NoSteel]

Learn to Beg.............

[RammerJammer]

You just arent going to be able to go all out... without an RV. In all seriousness I go to the range on weekday mornings before work and if there is an out of towner I want it usually involves skipping the monthly club match and making a massive sacrifice somewhere.

[Sarge]

I basically lived for the wife and the kids for twenty years. Now that the kids are out on their own it's my turn. My wife is happy in her yard, garden, flower beds, etc and I can pretty much do as I please as long as I help her with the big stuff.

Been there, done that and glad that phase of life is over

[GuildSF4]

I quit shooting matches for about 8 years... All kids out, now I have some time to shoot. Still can't travel far for matches though (even moved out kids can be expensive).

[CowToes]

My old lady goes to Yoga every Tuesday, Moms house for diner every Wednesday, choir practice every Thursday, Church every Sunday. She is always busy, and has to always be moving. While I am very laid back and I like my quite time, so this always worked out for us. Plus, I am not religious so Sunday while she was at church was always my range time. Now It will be competition time, and since she is gone 3 nights a week I am going to start taking Mondays for USPSA practice day at a range north of me. No kids though so it is much easier for me.

[Solvability]

I did not get to shoot until my kids were 15 - they are 24 now and I have made up for lost time. Our local club calls it the Doughnut hole - young guy not married or perhaps married no kids - lots of shooting. Kids arrive and they phase out for years until spare time for the individual arrives.

My kids turned out well and my shooting is for fun - guess which I value more.

[kneelingatlas]

I shot competitively from 11-15, then gave it up (long story); when I turned 30 my wife suggested I get back into it. I went a totally new direction and started shooting USPSA (I used to shoot 25M Olympic Rapid Fire). My wife has been supportive, but I don't think she could've predicted the extent to which shooting would once again occupy at least one burner of my mind at all times

For the past year my wife has graciously agreed to put the kids to bed alone once a month for a Thursday night steel match, then a Saturday match once a month as well. We have two boys (2 1/2 and almost 4) with a new baby due next month, so she's informed me in no uncertain terms that I'll be taking a hiatus and we return at a future date to be determined.

Before kids, my wife used to like to come shoot with me on occasion, so I hold out hope that when the boys are old enough we can all shoot together

[toothandnail]

NO matter what FAMILY FIRST, I did virtually nothing for quite a few years while my 4 kids grew. they all turned out great.

3 married , 1 promised. Now my son and I shoot together, which in a few years that will change as his kids arrive.

My 3 daughters husbands/boyfriend are also some of my best friends , we ALL do alot of stuff together

[Solvability]

NO matter what FAMILY FIRST, I did virtually nothing for quite a few years while my 4 kids grew. they all turned out great.

3 married , 1 promised. Now my son and I shoot together, which in a few years that will change as his kids arrive.

My 3 daughters husbands/boyfriend are also some of my best friends , we ALL do alot of stuff together

That's it!

[coordinator]

I agree with the above posts. Family comes first, it will pay great dividends in the future.

You mentioned multiple hobbies, perhaps you can trim it to one hobby if you haven't already.

Make use of the calendar and schedule the events you'd like to attend, it may be just one per month.

Always sell your bride on a full day for your outing, even when you don't need that much time.

When you come home early, from your all day excursion, you're a great guy.

And family always comes first, they'll stick by you to the end.

In addition, your kids are going to be moving on in the blink of an eye, and you'll be wanting more time with them.

I wish I'd have known when the last time was that I got to read them a bed time story, I'd have made it last forever.

I hope this helps.

[Adam B]

I used to shoot matches quite alot but now my wife has our kids tied up in multiple sports and other activities. Add this to the normal honey do list and I have very little time to shoot matches. I understand and accept this and I also realize it isn't forever. I am looking forward to the day when my children take an interest in shooting them with me though.

[frag316]

I live in Southern Illinois, just outside of St Louis, so the shooting season generally runs from March thru November.

I'm married with two kids (12 and 10, both boys). When there's no shooting, I generally shoot three or four local (meaning within two hours' drive) matches per month. Of those local matches, two are within 45 minutes of my house. That generally means I have one day where I'm not shooting during a weekend, so I spend that time with my family. If I shoot two matches in a weekend, then I skip one weekend--either before or after, depending on the rest of the family's schedule.

I'm fortunate in that my kids' birthdays are in October and December, but my wife's birthday is in June and our anniversary is in September. I do not schedule matches on those days, unless the wife plans something. I have shot on both Mothers' and Fathers' Days, but we celebrate after I get home from the match (it's pretty low-key).

Shooting is my only hobby. I hunt once or twice during winter, usually over my birthday (November).

I generally shoot three or four "big" or "major" matches each season--Single Stack Nationals, Area 5, Illinois Sectional, Area 3 Multigun. I had a larger 3-gun match at the beginning this year, may have one at the end. I don't schedule much more than that, and I generally drop one local match for the larger match during the month the larger match is held.

I have aspirations to shoot Open Nationals by working Limited Nationals, which would take up a week. Doing that would effectively blow out two or three matches during that month. I also have aspirations to shoot Multigun Nationals by working as an RO, which would also blow out that month (most likely).

I try to be as picky as I can with the bigger matches, because I know guys--in several different sports--who spend a LOT of time away from home because they're always off doing a match or tournament, etc. I don't have that luxury.

I used to be in the military (I'm retired now), and I would counsel the younger guys to spend as much time as they can with their families, because the military will walk away from them at some point. They'll have to live with whatever family life they have after that. It's up to them to build the family life they want to walk into after they retire.

Shooting isn't terribly different. You have to pick and choose your sacrifices around your job and your family in order to shoot.

If you get to the point where the kids and/or spouse are interested enough in shooting to join you, that would be your best bet. I shoot with a family where there are both parents and a child (only child), and they all shoot together. They're blessed to be able to do that. My family is kind of "meh" on shooting matches, although they all enjoy range days.

Fill in your calendar with family stuff first, then fit your shooting schedule around it. You'll be happier in the long run.

[Nimitz]

unfortunately you're in a very tough spot since once you make the decision to have kids you've just signed up for an 18 year or more fulltime commitment which must take priority over everything else. That's why I made the decision to never have kids, I knew I was way too selfish to give up what I wanted to do to ensure my kids came first until they were adults and out of the house.

Having said that, some have offered some small things you might be able to do but in the end, particularity if you're an "all in" kinda guy like I am you'll either have to accept that you can't get as involved as you'd like and be ok with it or just shelve it until your life situation allows ... the sport will still be around when you are ready ...

[Fullauto_Shooter]

I just tell my wife I'm going TDY on another Army trip.

Seriously though, after dealing with me being deployed over 4 of the past 11 years my wife has become very independant. It helps immensely that our kids are now grown, but she has her hobbies and I have mine and we're OK with each other pursuing our own interests. We still make time for each other and have regular "date nights" which we both enjoy.

Sometimes I do feel a twinge of guilt when I'm away from home 4-5 days at a major match, but I just push those feelings way down deep inside and try to shoot faster.

[MetropolisLake]

You mentioned multiple hobbies, perhaps you can trim it to one hobby if you haven't already.

I gave up snowboarding and mountain biking a long time ago, partially due to the same reasons, partially due to health reasons, mostly a jacked up back. just figured somebody would say to find a different hobby, that's why I mentioned it.

[MetropolisLake]

Seriously though, after dealing with me being deployed over 4 of the past 11 years my wife has become very independant.

Now that I'm reflecting on it a bit, I think this is a big part of it and I haven't wanted to admit it. My wife isn't independent at all. Well, double negative there. She's independent in terms of raising kids and operating a business, but horribly insecure in terms of social activities. If I run off doing my own thing for a few days, I know good and well she'll be back home moping around. I just can't deal with that. If I really want to do something, I have "permission" and am free, but we've been together for 17 years now and I can recognize faux outward support. It got especially bad when I was in a band several years ago, she always thought I was going to boink our lead singer.

[SlowShooter]

Our local club calls it the Doughnut hole - young guy not married or perhaps married no kids - lots of shooting. Kids arrive and they phase out for years until spare time for the individual arrives.

Yep, what he said.

Just incase y'all don't already know this is common to almost all hobbies, not just competitive shooting. E.G. The local Car Club / AutoCross club has the same effect: "young & single" or "Married W/O Kids", then people drop-off for a while, come back when "empty-nest" phase.

Edited October 7, 2013 by SlowShooter

[LoganbillJ]

I have begun dealing with this myself. I am just in the beginning stages of it. I have a 10 month old son. I have tried to keep the matches to 1 a month to keep the wife happy, as well as myself as guilt free as possible. I have still found myself thinking that I should be home with her and my son. This mostly occurs on the drives home from matches as during the match my attention is strictly on the task at hand. I try to get my range time in on Sundays while she and my son are taking an afternoon nap. I try and reload 20-30 min. each evening to make sure I get enough done around the house as well as spend quality time with the family. Reloading is done as late as possible as well. I think everything comes down to time management. Get a schedule worked out and try and stick to it. If a match interferes with a family event forget it. There will always be more matches to attend in the future. I am 25 and have always been encouraged by the "older" generation of shooters out there. It gives me hope that this is not just a young guys sport and you can achieve a level of competitiveness even if you aren't as quick on your feet. Family always comes first, remember that and everything will work out fine.

[Norther]

Get her involved too. I have three under the age of 10. Often they all come to the local matches (I'm the match director). My wife shoots, and I have hopes for the 10 year old soon. I only allow myself at most one major match trip (sometimes more than one match per trip) a year, as time and finances don't allow more, but a few weekend trips to back-to-back matches in another city are possible a few times a year. Usually she stays home for those, but she's come a couple of times. Make sure they all know they come first, take care of the things you need to at home, and you get amazing flexibility. I have agreed to design/setup a stage for the 2014 Sectional in a city 500 miles away, and she's talking about making it a family trip and doing some serious practicing. I am so blessed.

[Norther]

Our winter season is actually best for the family, as the indoor range we shoot at has a viewing window close to the firing line. The stages are a little boring, but the kids don't need to wear the uncomfortable eye and ear protection and are close enough to see the action.

Edited October 7, 2013 by six-gun shooter

[Sarge]

They don't call minivans "Dream Killers" for nothing.

[blaster113]

I am married with two small boys 7 and 5. Since I work too much trying to make ends meet with shift work on top of that I have no time for any other hobbies anymore, including one of my favorites which was tanking beer with the boys haha. I try my best to make my wife understand this. So as a result the only hobby I actively pursue is competitive shooting. My situation is unique since I live on a island with only one club, which has matches on Sundays. So I shoot the club matches whenever the work schedule permits and go to 2-3 majors a year in the CONUS. If something of importance comes up I skip the club match or find another major. My wife bitches about the travel expenses but hardly complains when I take her with me. hmmm. Practice sessions are not as frequent anymore and are scheduled to not interfere with any family events.

I sacrifice a lot for my family such as pounding out OT every week to pay for bills or to fund family trips, and forgoing promotion so that I am not assigned on another island away from the family for a year or more. It is not unreasonable I think to have a little time for one's self. If you have to give up everything then resentment can build.

Edited October 8, 2013 by blaster113