...picking a fight with the gal before xmas (not a good idea)

[SkyScrapin]

For the most part, I was trying to "express" what I have been feeling lately (not a manly statement I know, but she's a keeper, maybe).. Told her to stop eating so poorly and to start exercising. She isn't over weight yet so I am trying to make it an issue before it really needs to be (I'm sort of a fitness freak). As you may guess, now its a biiiiig deal.

Anyways, please don't comment on what I said. Focus on how the %$*@ I can get out of this one. Any ideas?

Edited December 19, 2009 by SkyScrapin

[Chills1994]

You back pedal by saying something to the effect of "Well, honey, the New Year is just around the corner, and I was thinking it would be good for us to have some health/fitness goals or resolutions....see? (grab your belly and jiggle it) I need to get in shape and/or lose weight too. Would you help me get healthy?"

[Chills1994]

If you guys break up before Christmas...can you take her presents back?

[3quartertime]

No way to recover. She won't forget that unless she likes you enough. Best to move on and talk up some other really great quality she has. Of course if you are thinking she's a keeper now would be a time to invest in something nice to give her for the holiday!

If she really is a good girl ( and of course doesn't really have a weigh problem now, chicks see it different than we do ) then she'll let you slide for saying something stoopid. Most of them actually expect us to say stoopid stuff so I normally say extra stoopid stuff just so they get their money's worth!!! Could be why I'm single...

Suck up the abuse, get her something nice and wait till the storm passes...

[boz1911]

First, this thread is useless without pics. Second, you can't take back what you said, so buy her something nice for Christmas (not a threadmill). If she comes around to her senses give it to her, if not, save the reciept. It takes a lot of time to determine "keeper" status, just ask my attorney. Best of luck!!

[CocoBolo]

First the fix. Take her on a ski trip, a trip to Vegas or somewhere good. You stepped in it so its going to cost you. Trips are like magic they first start the shopping thing to get something new to wear on the trip and you know how they love to shop. Plus you get a couple wild night in a hotel.

Now next time be a lot more cleaver. Honey I'd like to spend more time with you and I'd like to be a better man for you so how about we join the gym and start working out together. Then stop taking her to burger king.

[sfinney]

Buy her something nice.

Don't ever mention her weight, diet, or exercising ever again. Unless she brings it up, and then tread very carefully.

Wait.

Repeat.

[Glockcomma]

I think you need to get her a big box of chocolates.

[Flexmoney]

Health and fitness is a big part of who you are. It is fundamental to you...it is part of your basic being. It is respect of self.

Your long-term view of your life includes her in it. You hope that she can share in an aspect of your life together that you feel is such an important and fundamental part of who you are and what you see in a potential mate (< soul mate ).

[AlamoShooter]

I am most likely years older than you, Get used to your mess, I say the same stupid things. !But !!! But my intent is not malicious. I can't do cruel part way and I don't want to be cruel to any one much less my lady.

We had a talk early on that my words may not be arranged rite, to match my meaning.

The Insult is in the intent not in the words.

if you want to hike the mountains into your 50s = stay fit, If you want a keeper girl find a way to express what is in your heart. Tell her you can not help that your words are screwed up some times but that you will keep your heart pure.

You had better decide before hand if she is a maybe? or a keeper.

To make it up 'I bet you were thinking about 10 years from now in your comment not next month?" If that is the case find a way to say it.

To find a woman that knows the worst things about you and still loves you & respects you, ...is Bliss

JF

[SkyScrapin]

You back pedal by saying something to the effect of "Well, honey, the New Year is just around the corner, and I was thinking it would be good for us to have some health/fitness goals or resolutions....see? (grab your belly and jiggle it) I need to get in shape and/or lose weight too. Would you help me get healthy?"

Seems to be the most reasonable thing to do right now.

If you guys break up before Christmas...can you take her presents back?

I was wondering the same thing. I don't wanna do that though because she's getting me intake and programmer for the yamaha 700r. <--- Is that not a keeper?!

First, this thread is useless without pics. Second, you can't take back what you said, so buy her something nice for Christmas (not a threadmill). If she comes around to her senses give it to her, if not, save the reciept. It takes a lot of time to determine "keeper" status, just ask my attorney. Best of luck!!

Just for you I will post a picture of her pretty quickly. You guys gotta see what I'm workin' with.

Buy her something nice.

Don't ever mention her weight, diet, or exercising ever again. Unless she brings it up, and then tread very carefully.

Wait.

Repeat.

But I was told, you never wanna get them anything that will remind them of you. With time, presents and shopping will more than likely be the only fixer for this one. Problem is, she $(#@ing into high end clothes (purses too).

Health and fitness is a big part of who you are. It is fundamental to you...it is part of your basic being. It is respect of self.

Your long-term view of your life includes her in it. You hope that she can share in an aspect of your life together that you feel is such an important and fundamental part of who you are and what you see in a potential mate (< soul mate ).

Flex, I wish I would have consulted you before going out and acting like an idiot. She is the best thing that has happened to me so far in life. I will actually use some similar wording when we speak again (when the smoke settles). I'll let ya know how it goes.

To make it up 'I bet you were thinking about 10 years from now in your comment not next month?" If that is the case find a way to say it.

To find a woman that knows the worst things about you and still loves you & respects you, ...is Bliss

JF

Wow, you hit that right on the head. It wasn't meant to be an immediate sort of thing. I just want her to care more about herself. She'd rather sit on the couch and watch 3 movies than do anything physical. That's what I am trying to change.

I got in a hell of a lot of trouble about 5 months ago. It was very serious and it had the ENTIRE family worried for me. She was there for me every step of the way, that's how I know she's the one.

[SkyScrapin]

There is a new saying going around... It goes something like.... FML.

[Seth]

The short answer? You can't fix stupid. EVERYONE knows better than to tell a woman she looks fat. It doesn't matter what she puts on, how she does her hair or any of the other bizarre questions we get asked, the answer is ALWAYS 'No Dear, you look beautiful'.

So ya kind of screwed that one. And its not really up to you to determine what she should or shouldn't be doing with her life.

My recommendation is to cut bait. She isn't a keeper. You don't see eye to eye on the fundamentals of how you live. How's it going to be when you have to raise kids or manage finances?

So without knowing anything more about you and your situation I dispatch the advice that you part ways.... after you get your intake, of course!

[wide45]

That's what I am trying to change.

So how would you deal with it, if she was asking you sit on the couch and spend some time with her, instead of going off and working out all the time like some kind of fitness freak?

Why does she have to be the one to change?

Not accepting her as she is, does not bode well for your future together.

But then, I'm the last person on the planet qualified to give relationship advice...

[GrumpyOne]

Fix? Not possible. Maybe spin, but that would be hard too. First, I'm not claiming that I understand women (no man in his right or left mind would ever claim that!), but I DO know what NOT to say to them (most of the time! ). Apologize profusely, prostrate yourself at her feet if necessary, and try to interest her in doing what you like to do, in the hopes that when doing so, she will exercise and not even know it. Good luck, you'll need it! Hell hath no fury as that of a woman told that she is overweight, or even on the verge. And, as others have said.......read my signature line, it says it all....Learn from your mistakes!

[NoSteel]

Tell her you just wanted to be honest and didn't want to hurt her feelings. Then allow her to tell you what she dislikes about you.... That should save you both a lot of Xmas shopping $$$$$ Hope you weren't really looking for a quick way out on this one.

[Chris iliff]

Back pedal, back pedal, back pedal and apologize. But, only if you really believe she will completely forgive your stupid (in her mind) comment. I would also like to add that after 20 years of marriage I was divorced and I think I can attribute that to a slipped fart on our second date in 1984, some women just never forget nuthin'!

[Team Amish 1]

Here's what you need to do.

Next time, after a dryfire session, just walk over to her and ask, "Honey, does this gun make my butt look big?"

[Rob Boudrie]

You could give her a gift membership to Weightwatchers for Christmas.

[murkish]

Here's what you need to do.

Next time, after a dryfire session, just walk over to her and ask, "Honey, does this gun make my butt look big?"

I would make sure that she does not have a gun in her hand when you do that.

Jack

[Sarge]

You could give her a gift membership to Weightwatchers for Christmas.

Thats funny. Mean, but funny. And not very helpful. But I am still laughing.

[GentlemanJim]

Be kind...if its a real relationship, do what ever it takes to make it up to her.

A relationship is a give and take deal...a person may change by choice...they will not change by pressure.

You cant change a person into what YOU think they should be.

Best of luck!

Jim

[Duane Thomas]

How long have you been together? Every relationship has problems, they're inevitable. The way you know whether you're in a good or bad relationship is by the ratio of good to bad times, and what happens when problems arise.

In a good relationship, the norm of the interaction is good times and this sort of relaxed, free flowing, mutual cooperation. Occasionally there are problems, but you communicate, you engage in problem solving (which doesn't necessarily mean you solve the problem right off the bat) but then you get back to relaxed mutual cooperation and good times.

A bad relationship is diametrically opposed to that. The norm of the relationship is conflict and hard work. Occasionally we may take a break and have a good time...but we can't do too much of that because we're hard workers. We have to make this relationship work!

You don't want to stick around in a relationship that drains you with constant conflict, but you don't want to trash can a great relationship the first time you hit a bump in the road, either.

Having said all that, honestly, the fact this person feels she has the right to give you an extremely hard time for something this minor is a major red flag to me. You approach the concept of physical fitness very seriously. People who have high standards for their own bodies tend to be body snobs. I can relate, I work out most days of my life. And like you I had a girlfriend who was a total couch potato. That's not going to change. She is what she is. She's not going to change from who she is into who you want her to be, which is someone who takes physical fitness seriously. So you need to figure out how important that is to you. Can you live with watching this person over the years get fat simply through a refusal - or maybe lack of desire would be a better way to put it - to do anything about it, while simultaneously giving you a ration every time you mention it? Yes or no. Neither answer is a bad thing.

I do know that differences like this can, over the long term, destroy a relationship. Either let this woman go and find someone more compatible in this area, or come to the conclusion that this doesn't matter to you and let the entire topic go in your mind. Never mention it, or even care about it ever again, knowing that you're going to be spending years watching this person get progressively larger.

Sorry, I know you said you didn't want commentary on the original problem, and here I've violated that. Now that I've blathered on at tedious length on that other topic, I will say:

If you really, truly believe this is all your fault, and all you really care about is being forgiven, seriously consider grovelling. I'm not joking. Complete capitulation is your best strategy. Surprise her. Get down on your knees - literally - tell her, "I was an idiot. I am SO sorry. I think you're beautiful and I never meant to hurt your feelings." If you happened to be extending toward her a big bouquet of her favorite flower(s) at this time, that would not be the worst thing in the world. If you could muster up a few tears it might help, as well.

[Seth]

Now if you can choke up some tears while reciting that last bit of Duane's you MUST hide a camera! LOL!

[G-ManBart]

Do something nice for her that isn't tied to Christmas...i.e. no need to wait. I can be something small like a card that she'd appreciate. Something thoughtful, as in "I saw this and it made me think of you".

I buy my wife little things throughout the year, bring her pictures I find that she'll like (she's a huge dog fan, so a pic of a cute pooch is gold!), and do stuff like that. I figure it's easier to do the nice stuff before I do something stupid than try to fix it afterwards!