Grade School Bullies

[mpeltier]

Oh how this gets my blood boiling. My son had a few altercations a few years back with a well documented school bully (my son was 8 and the bully was 10 at the time). My son finally got off the bus one day with a huge bite mark on his arm. After the school did litteraly nothing about it I had a talk with my son, a real heart to heart about protecting ones self etc.. Well in less than two days this bully tries it again and my son let him have it right between the eyes, the kids nose was a mess and my boy got suspended from school for two days....well worth it in MHO. They actually became friends after that and the bully is on a straiter path (not neccesarily due to my son). Now a fellow class mate has been suspended. Again the bully in this case is well known to the school and has done nothing to monitor his interaction with fellow school mates and finally his bullieing had to come to a head. The kid in this case is as usual a soft spoken book reader who seemed an easy victim to the bully and was a victim for a long time. Until yesterday, when the school officials again did nothing and the kid cracked him in the mouth so hard the bullies tooth came thru. Of course the victim was suspended again. And the bully was codled and handled like he was a victim. Now I do not condone fighting at school but what kind of lesson does the school system teach when bullies are allowed to go unfettered to the point that good kids are punished, and the bullies are treated like a victim.

Edited March 4, 2008 by mpeltier

[rvb]

I'm only 30, but I already come from "better days."

At an early age I got the "you better never ever start a fight, but you are allowed to be the one who finishes a fight" lecture."

Fast fwd to freshman yr of HS, I was (and still am) quite the nerd, 4.0 ave, etc. One day coming home on the bus, bully a couple years ahead just decides to start hitting me in the back of the head showing off for his buddies. I turned and started wailing on him. He got 3 days or a week suspension or something, I got nothing. Both mine and this losers reputations were known, and the bus driver lady saw I didn't start it. Common sense -> I really miss it.

Kudos for teaching you son that valuable lesson. You can't depend on "the system" to protect you. The suspension sucks, but he's obviously much better off in the long run. In my case the bully's buddies kept trying to harrass me on the bus while he was on suspension... all I had to say was "don't make me do to you what I did to him" and I had peace and quite from then on out. People should not be FORCED to make themselves repeated targets.

-rvb

[Chriss Grube]

The problem is all the psycho babble BS of bullying. Some are great and some will be little monsters, you can usually find the problem by a quick look at the parents. Kids will be kids and will find a way to work things out if the parents stay out of the way. Generally the little monster will harass the wrong kid and get his clock cleaned and the problem will end. Now days the school and the parents make a big deal out of it and it turns into a mess.

[Kimberkid]

What a shame. Good for your son. Tell he we are all proud. Very few things in life are worth fighting for, but IMO this is one of them. You can only kick a small dog so long before be bites you. This will set the tone for the rest of his life. He can see now that he gets to choose for himself how the world will treat him.

My lady is so extremely shy and reserved that she allows the rest of the world to treat her like shit, and just takes it rather than ever stand up for herself. It takes way more guts to turn around and knock a bully on his ass, than to stand there and take it forever.

People will always treat you what ever way you allow them to. Props to your son for limiting their options.

[EricW]

Nothing's changed since I was in school, obviously.

You know why YOUR kid is in trouble? Because the school doesn't want to deal with the bully's parents.

Edited March 4, 2008 by EricW

[ExtremeShot]

Things don't change even after school. ...I work with a 50+ year old major ass clown that thinks it's funny to call people names, make fun of them, and spread lies. He's a total loser and this is the only way he can get attention. It's like junior high deja vu. I just can't believe people like this exist.

[CSEMARTIN]

I just can't wait until my kids are old enough to be in school. It's going to be great....

If my kid ever gets suspended for defending himself against a bully, I'll reward him (and give the principal a phone call he'll never forget).

[Flatland Shooter]

This thread brings back some memories better left forgotten.

I had a similar problem with bullies bothering my daughter about 18 years ago. My wife and daughter kept it a secret from me for too long.

The school would do nothing (one boy was the son of a teacher). I decided to be home when the bus arrived for a few days. After several days, my daughter left the school bus in tears and I decided enough was enough. Time to visit the parents.

The first visit was just down the street. I kept my cool and refused to talk to the mother. The father and I went stepped out front to discuss. Of course his son would never do anything like this to anyone. No yelling or stomping of feet. I simply ended the conversation by handing the man one of my attorney's business cards and advised that if it happens again, I will personally sue his ass to oblivion. (I'm not big on litigation, but apparently you can sue anyone for anything at anytime.) Went to the homes of the other two boys and no one was home. I left a note on their doors simply requesting they give me a call. Never got a call.

The next day one of the three confronted my daughter and gave her a little grief but did not touch her. She was home by 3, my attorney had the boy's father on the phone by 4. The father and son were at my door to apologize shortly after 6.

The good news is the problems came to a halt. The bad news is I got labeled a hard ass at the school which runs into another story that I won't go into here. Suffice to say teachers can not refuse but definitely do not like to conduct Parent - Teacher conferences in front of a tape recorder.

Bill

Edited March 5, 2008 by Flatland Shooter

[mpolans]

Oh how this gets my blood boiling. My son had a few altercations a few years back with a well documented school bully (my son was 8 and the bully was 10 at the time). My son finally got off the bus one day with a huge bite mark on his arm. After the school did litteraly nothing about it I had a talk with my son, a real heart to heart about protecting ones self etc.. Well in less than two days this bully tries it again and my son let him have it right between the eyes, the kids nose was a mess and my boy got suspended from school for two days....well worth it in MHO. They actually became friends after that and the bully is on a straiter path (not neccesarily due to my son). Now a fellow class mate has been suspended. Again the bully in this case is well known to the school and has done nothing to monitor his interaction with fellow school mates and finally his bullieing had to come to a head. The kid in this case is as usual a soft spoken book reader who seemed an easy victim to the bully and was a victim for a long time. Until yesterday, when the school officials again did nothing and the kid cracked him in the mouth so hard the bullies tooth came thru. Of course the victim was suspended again. And the bully was codled and handled like he was a victim. Now I do not condone fighting at school but what kind of lesson does the school system teach when bullies are allowed to go unfettered to the point that good kids are punished, and the bullies are treated like a victim.

Yup, and after years of that crap, every once in awhile, one of the bullied kids ends up being an Eric Harris, Dylan Klebold, or Seung-Hui Cho.

[Kingman]

Most school systems have an anti bullying policy.

Call the school board of ed, tell them the situation, they will look into it.

Part of the nationwide PBIS situation is anti bullying and positive rewards.

[ExtremeShot]

Most school systems have an anti bullying policy.

Call the school board of ed, tell them the situation, they will look into it.

Part of the nationwide PBIS situation is anti bullying and positive rewards.

I've been bullied, back in school and in my professional career. Telling the authorities doesn't work. When I reported what was going on, the bullying increased. ..."Wah wah wah...so and so thinks he's being bullied and went and told the boss.....".

There's only one way to handle a bully. You smash his nose all over his effing face. ...as you can tell, bullying gets my blood boiling. Remember the movie, "A History of Violence" where the son was getting bullied at school and the kid finally found the courage to beat the shit out of the bully? Man that was a great scene.

On a positive note, I can thank being bullied for my take-no-crap attitude and my interest in weight lifting.

PS: There are several kinds of bullying. Sometimes just being the nice guy, or being successful, or having something that someone else doesn't have is enough to cause someone to bully you. It doesn't have to always be physical bullying. The verbal bullying is usually worse and harder to detect and harder to prove. Kids won't usually tell what's going on. You have to look for signs of depression, etc. ...I'm not a psychologist, I just play one on TV.

Edited March 5, 2008 by ExtremeShot

[kurtm]

I do condone fighting at school, and I am damn proud of your son! Seems it only takes the one time for the word to get around. Had a little tyrant try to run the same thing on my son, after 3 days he went back and guess what EVERYONE leaves him alone. He is a very kind and nice boy, but I taught him to never put up with it, He tried the teacher route two times before doing what needed to be done. My conversation with the principle went along the lines of...sorry it came to this but, if you would controll your known trouble makers your trouble makers wouldn't get hurt. Talked to the kids dad and that went about the same as the principle...except he wanted to teach me a lesson about teaching my boy to defend himself...gave him my address and the times I am home. Never heared another word. GOOD FOR YOUR SON!

[Anthony Lombardo]

I was getting bullied by a duo of older kids when I was twelve. I was tall and strong but chubby and they were merciless.

After being nice for about 30 minutes I grabbed one kids ear as hard as I could, twisted and brought him down. I thought he would carry my books to school after that.

It happened again about 3 years later when I was a new kid at a high school. Ear tricked worked again. Doesn't leave any marks either. The mouth breathers moved on to an easier mark.

[turbocomp38s]

It starts at home. No more moral values, no respect , no discipline and no personal responsibility. If his parents does not have these traits then you can forget about it. School board maybe afraid of lawsuits too. I'm glad for your son to defend himself.

[Nemo]

Francisco, my high school freshman son, is a bit smaller than the average 15yo kid. One afternoon a couple of months back he asked me what does "having an ego problem" mean. I replied with WHY? He starts telling... These two flunks in one of his classes have been telling him about his ego problem because he dresses different (he refuses to dress like a hip-hop gangsta wannabe), talks different (no "dawg", "bitches" or any of the stupid bad mo-fo wannabe lingo), and always has a neat haircut and just doesn't fit in the so-called "cool" crowd.

So I tell him that they just don't know better. They are just conforming losers. Don't pay much attention to what they say but always be vigilant of what they do. No much time go by when I get the call from the school principal: Francisco was in a fight and is suspended. I tell him I want to speak with my boy and he put him on the phone.

Me - What happened Papi? Are you OK?

Fran - I'm ok, have a bump on my forehead and a black eye but THEY are worst.

Me - What do you mean THEY?

Fran - Remember the two guys that I told you about that were telling me I have an ego problem?

Me - Yes

Fran - Well, today they decided to start calling me a homo and throwing stuff at me and kicking me from behind in class. I waited to get out to the hallway and confronted them. When they started making fun of me and calling me a fagged again, I just kicked both of their asses.

Me - Ok, give me back the principal.

Principal - Sir?

Me - Do I need to come get him now or can he finish the day?

Principal - He can stay for the rest of the day but he's suspended for two days.

It was a Wednesday so Fran got a long weekend...

Me - I'm sorry it had to come to this but my son had told me about these other kids before and this is what happens. I only expect to have the other boys suspensed as well and that YOU call their parents and tell them to talk to their sons. If something like this happens again, I'll talk to them together with my lawyer.

Principal - I won't be able to suspend one of the other boys because when Francisco kept hitting him he asked him to stop, but Francisco kept punching him in the face.

Me - Well, if he's looking for a fight he shoudln't stop fighting until the fight is over. Please give me back my son.

Fran - ¿Qué pasó, Papi?

Me - Well done. Watch your back for the rest of the day. Now you have two days off to load the ammo for the weekend.

Now the two psycologists that diagnosed my kid with an ego problem take the other side of the hallway when they see my little boy coming.

[ExtremeShot]

Sweet! Tell your son we are all proud of him for standing up for himself.

Francisco, my high school freshman son, is a bit smaller than the average 15yo kid. One afternoon a couple of months back he asked me what does "having an ego problem" mean. I replied with WHY? He starts telling... These two flunks in one of his classes have been telling him about his ego problem because he dresses different (he refuses to dress like a hip-hop gangsta wannabe), talks different (no "dawg", "bitches" or any of the stupid bad mo-fo wannabe lingo), and always has a neat haircut and just doesn't fit in the so-called "cool" crowd.

So I tell him that they just don't know better. They are just conforming losers. Don't pay much attention to what they say but always be vigilant of what they do. No much time go by when I get the call from the school principal: Francisco was in a fight and is suspended. I tell him I want to speak with my boy and he put him on the phone.

Me - What happened Papi? Are you OK?

Fran - I'm ok, have a bump on my forehead and a black eye but THEY are worst.

Me - What do you mean THEY?

Fran - Remember the two guys that I told you about that were telling me I have an ego problem?

Me - Yes

Fran - Well, today they decided to start calling me a homo and throwing stuff at me and kicking me from behind in class. I waited to get out to the hallway and confronted them. When they started making fun of me and calling me a fagged again, I just kicked both of their asses.

Me - Ok, give me back the principal.

Principal - Sir?

Me - Do I need to come get him now or can he finish the day?

Principal - He can stay for the rest of the day but he's suspended for two days.

It was a Wednesday so Fran got a long weekend...

Me - I'm sorry it had to come to this but my son had told me about these other kids before and this is what happens. I only expect to have the other boys suspensed as well and that YOU call their parents and tell them to talk to their sons. If something like this happens again, I'll talk to them together with my lawyer.

Principal - I won't be able to suspend one of the other boys because when Francisco kept hitting him he asked him to stop, but Francisco kept punching him in the face.

Me - Well, if he's looking for a fight he shoudln't stop fighting until the fight is over. Please give me back my son.

Fran - ¿Qué pasó, Papi?

Me - Well done. Watch your back for the rest of the day. Now you have two days off to load the ammo for the weekend.

Now the two psycologists that diagnosed my kid with an ego problem take the other side of the hallway when they see my little boy coming.

[Chills1994]

@ Nemo, does your kid have a myspace page yet?

What I would do is, in his myspace page, embed some footage of him shooting a match.

Word will get around about his myspace page and his shooting video and nobody will ever screw with him again. Getting a beat down will be the least of these punks worries.

[No.343]

I was the victim of bullies for several years in elementary school. They didn't pick on me. They picked on my little sister. Dad told me at an early age that I was to defend my sisters no matter what. He also told me that if my sisters got whooped in school by another kid I would get whooped when I got home. I believed what my dad said and took it to heart. It only took a little scuffle or two and after that just talking to the other kids took care of the issue and they left my sister alone. Fast forward 25 years. I get a call from the local law enforcement. I had to attend a class with my daughter for two evenings a week for a month because my daughter slapped a little girl. The police report (yes, the other little girl's mother called the police) said that my daughter had slapped the little girl and her face was red because of it. The police report also said that the little girl had been picking on my son and when she wouldn't stop my daughter slapped her. I had never been prouder.

[Hank Ellis]

Yup, and after years of that crap, every once in awhile, one of the bullied kids ends up being an Eric Harris, Dylan Klebold, or Seung-Hui Cho.

And sometimes it goes the other direction.

On one of the visits to my mother about 10 years after I moved out of state I asked her what happened to the neighborhood bullies who caused me so much grief growing up.

The Gxxxxxx twins were both in prison on assault or armed robbery. The Cxxxxx boy was shot and killed at the local redneck hole in the wall bar after getting in some altercation. None of it surprised me.

[dajarrel]

better not said

dj

Edited March 5, 2008 by dajarrel

[Scout454]

Many years ago - shortly after I returned from Viet nam - I found out that 8 or so local bullies were picking on my youngest brother.

Kevin ( 4 years older) and I had him got to each of them the next day at school and tell them to meet him at the basketball park by the house after school.

When they got there, Kevin and I show'd up and shut the gate - and informed them that if more than one of them jumped on Pat (the youngest) they'd have to deal with us. One at a time, he pounded them into the dirt. We left and he never had a problem again.

Fast forward to 1995 and I get a call from my LD daughters high school. Seems one of the local toughs had beat her up in the hallway. Zero tolerance for fights, right? I leave work and pick her up. Have to demand to see the principle and I ask if the other - 18 year old - was in custody. Oh, no, he doesn't think it's necessary. He d@mn near cr@ped himself when I called the police on my cell phone and swore out a warrent for her arrest.

I don't evny you that still ahve children in the school system.

[cking]

Ah good old days of the Nuns.... I was bigger than most kids my age and was heading toward being a bully. So the wise nuns but me in the Gym class with kids three grades ahead of me. Now I wasn't the biggest anymore. Still had lots of fights but also got my Arse kicked a few times which gives you a better attitude.

The nuns kinda had general rule if the fight was evenly matched, and nobody was using anything but fists, they just ignored it. In high-school all the Jesuit priest could box. So if you were really wanted to, get in the ring with them and they kick your butt.

Men and Boys are violent, you can't eliminate, only direct it and control it.

[carinab]

My daughter was four when we first had the "you can't start a fight but you can end it" talk. She was in "mom's day out" half day twice a week at a church preschool and had her hair pulled by a boy bully. The school handled the kid and his parents the right way (threatening to kick him out) but they told my daughter she shouldn't hit back. I told them I disagreed. When I gave my daughter the talk, she was grateful when I told her that she had my permission to knock the snot out of anyone that tries to hurt her despite any rule the school has.

Fast forward to her kindergarten class in public school; big hispanic kid twice the size of all the other kids in her class pushes her off the swing at recess. She told me she punched him. I never heard a word from the teacher or principal although I expected to the next day. At the end of the school year, I asked her teacher whether or not he knew about this. He said no but that it made sense since it explained a shift in attitude for that kid and why Kirsten one day was suddenly the "pack" leader in his room.

[ima45dv8]

My daughter was four when we first had the "you can't start a fight but you can end it" talk. She was in "mom's day out" half day twice a week at a church preschool and had her hair pulled by a boy bully. The school handled the kid and his parents the right way (threatening to kick him out) but they told my daughter she shouldn't hit back. I told them I disagreed. When I gave my daughter the talk, she was grateful when I told her that she had my permission to knock the snot out of anyone that tries to hurt her despite any rule the school has.

Fast forward to her kindergarten class in public school; big hispanic kid twice the size of all the other kids in her class pushes her off the swing at recess. She told me she punched him. I never heard a word from the teacher or principal although I expected to the next day. At the end of the school year, I asked her teacher whether or not he knew about this. He said no but that it made sense since it explained a shift in attitude for that kid and why Kirsten one day was suddenly the "pack" leader in his room.

Alpha Female!

Cool.

[kevin c]

@ Nemo, does your kid have a myspace page yet?

What I would do is, in his myspace page, embed some footage of him shooting a match.

Word will get around about his myspace page and his shooting video and nobody will ever screw with him again. Getting a beat down will be the least of these punks worries.

My son is a gentle, considerate kid - sensitive is one way of describing him. But he gets no grief at his HS. A black belt in martial arts, they call him "the ninja".

He came home from training one day with a laceration over his eye from his competition saber. I told him to leave it uncovered and, when folks at school ask what happened, to shrug and reply, "sword cut" and leave it at that. His school pals were in awe.

He's never had to hit anybody, for which THEY should be grateful.