rhgunguy Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 I drive a guy who lost his license after getting his third and fourth DUI in less than two months. Actually, I drove him for several months, then he got caught driving a car without a breathalyzer and lost his license again. Of course this is all the fault of the police. I never particularly liked the guy, I'd just hate to see him lose his job. He pays me $40 a week, but I don't need the money. It is a fifteen minute round trip in 180 degrees the wrong direction for me twice a day. The problem is that he is irritating. Like listening to Steve Urkel performing a Franz Ferdinand song accompanied by a symphony of nails on chalkboards while trying to log onto the obamacare website. I call him when I'm 2-3 minutes away and tell him as much. I still sit and wait a minute or so for him to come out. He has a covered porch, so it's not like he has to sit out in the rain. He is an expert at everything. Tonight something was said on the radio about earthquakes. He had to let me know that California was way over due for a big one. After a rough day at work, I used to like to stop and have a beer or two with coworkers. That's out now because he always tries to go two to my one and is never ready to go when I am. He always offers to buy me another so he can stay longer. Sorry, I know my limits and I'm not interested in being a moron like him and getting arrested or potentially hurting someone. He whines...about everything. His ex wife, his kids, how unfair it was that he got rear ended a week after losing his license, how unfair it was that one of his DUIs was for "3 beers"( never mind the fact that they were 32 oz), work, how people are mean to him, etc... He doesn't grasp the concept of smoking out the window. He's left handed and holds his cigarette in his left hand when smoking in the truck. No more smoking in the truck for either of us. He uses talk to text...to sext. I shit you not. It's bad enough when I'm trying to listen to the radio for him to blurt out innocuous things, but seriously. After asking me how to spell surprise(no big deal) then how to spell monty(as in the big Monty), he goes ahead and uses the talk to text to tell his girlfriend that, "she is a naughty girl". He gets annoyed by the beeping telling him to put his seatbelt on. Seriously, it does this every time to remind you. You'd think he'd have figured it out by now. Most of this shit didn't bother me too bad, but now he's trying to quit smoking by smoking coco bean shell cigarettes. Now he isn't getting nicotine and feels the need to talk more. Or rub his hand over the stubble on his chin. Or give me advice. Or like tonight, pulling up highlights from a high school football game and play it full blast on his crappy, metallic-sounding phone while I'm attempting to enjoy Rush's Working Man. Is it too much to ask for him to be outside waiting for me without having to use my minutes, for him to sit down, put his seatbelt on, shut up and let me just drive? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Round_Gun_Shooter Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 I HATE drink drivers and think they deserve whatever they get. Day after my first wedding anniversary I was on a M/C and was hit broadside by a drunk. Three years on crutches many surgeries. Glad I was young. Spent my 12yr police career dealing with them. It was always my fault they got arrested. My daughter dates a very nice young man. First words out of his father's mouth were "Your father arrested me for DUI and ruined my life". The jackass is still a drunk. Save your sanity and cut the guy loose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FWSixgunner Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Well, if it helps, it's really decent of you to help him out. I find myself doing similar things for some of my in-laws. That said, it doesn't sound to me like he's ready to change. Is he on some sort of probation and taking drug tests? If this is going to be a long-term deal that you're willing to put up with, have a come-to-jesus about the rules, like no audible texting and no sexting at all in your vehicle. He needs to give you gas money and he needs to adhere to YOUR schedule. So when you say it's time to go, it's time to go, or he can find another ride. You like to listen to the radio, so please keep it quiet. This is not being an a-hole, just asserting your rights and making him change his behaviors. After some experience with addicts I can tell you you cannot make things easy on them. They need tough love or they'll walk all over you. Set boundaries and put responsibility on them, or there is no motivation to change. Let him know your help is contingent on him helping himself. You want to hear a real plan for how he's going to get to work because you're not going to do this forever, and then keep him to it. Or just set a date like "I'm going to help you 3 months, then you're on your own". He is probably not going to do anything unless forced. And no BS like "my girlfriend's uncle was going to give her his car but his ex-wife stole it.". Too bad. Maybe the best thing for him is to lose his job and hit rock bottom before he is ready to change. Anyway, if all that makes you feel uncomfortable, maybe you should just tell him you can't do it anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EEH Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 I'm like Gary,a drunk put me in a wheel chair for 8 months when I was 16 years old,broke both my legs.So If you get caught and ask for a jury trial and see me as one of the twelve,you going to jail..I have no pity on a drunk driver. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lifeislarge Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Get the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and leave it in plain view in your truck. It'll either piss him off enough that you'll never hear from him again or, you never know, might help him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cnote Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Get the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and leave it in plain view in your truck. It'll either piss him off enough that you'll never hear from him again or, you never know, might help him. +1 He does not think there is a problem, he is playing victim and will continue to be a victim (in his mind) untill a decision to change that thinking process is made. Nobody can force that decision upon him. Judges, wives, bosses etc all try and fail untill the individual is ready to change. This normally involves a lot of pain on their part. Simultaneously, everyone else around them goes through pain. Those around them can choose to stay or leave. This type of individual often wind up all alone because of the unwillingness to address the problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jabbermurph Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 He would have been walking if he interrupted Rush in my car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarge Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 You have gone way beyond what I would have put up with Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iainmcphersn Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Dump him. Now. In Alabama, the legal precedent was that if someone gave you gas money, you were held to the same legal liability as a taxi. If you get into an accident and he's hurt, any liability on your part will let him come after you for damages. If he wants taxi service, he should call a cab. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Youngeyes Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 You have gone way beyond what I would have put up with This. +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhgunguy Posted October 31, 2013 Author Share Posted October 31, 2013 Thanks for all the replies and support. It's stupid, but just writing this out made me realize how much of an enabler I have been. Ground rules are going to get laid down today. Dump him. Now. In Alabama, the legal precedent was that if someone gave you gas money, you were held to the same legal liability as a taxi. If you get into an accident and he's hurt, any liability on your part will let him come after you for damages. If he wants taxi service, he should call a cab. This was something I had not considered. Anyone know a lawyer in Iowa? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitedog Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 At this point stop. He will not change until forced. Yer karma points are way in the plus column. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bountyhunter Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 (edited) I HATE drink drivers and think they deserve whatever they get. They deserve a lot more than they get. The "justice" system still coddles them IMHO. If I was king, first DUI conviction would get 30 days in county jail and six month license suspension. Second would be a year in state with five year suspension, third would be five year stay and lifetime suspension. Edited October 31, 2013 by bountyhunter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRider Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 I believe that what you are doing speaks volumes about your character. He obviously doesn't really appreciate what you are doing for him. If you want to continue helping him, just tell him what he has to do to keep getting help, if he won't do it, tell him you can't do it anymore. If you are fed up with him and don't want to help anymore, tell him now that you are not doing it anymore, I doubt anyone (except him) would blame you for cutting him off. I used to work with a man that only had one car (his choice), his wife would drop him off in the morning and he would walk home in the evening (she was at work with the car then). He only lived a couple of miles away. I have taken him home on some rainy days ( I offered, he wouldn't ask anybody for a ride). It was out of my way, but only a couple of miles. One day, I was driving my old, lifted '79 Ford 4x4 that day and it was raining when we walked out, so I offered him a ride home. He complained about having to climb up in it, said that there was no reason to have a truck that big, complained about how much gas it must be burning and how stupid I must be for having it. I took him home, but he walked home many days in the rain after that ride. You just can't help some people. Hurley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimmyZip Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 I was a career drunk driver. He will not change anytime soon because he still is in the blame mode. Until he decides to take responsibility for his life and the role he plays in it there will be little chance for change. My DUI changed my life for the best.I am thankful for the CHP officer who pulled me over. I could be dead right now. Worse, I could have killed someone else. I just think you should distance yourself from him asap. You will be a happier person for it. JZ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 "Save your sanity and cut the guy loose." Took the words right outa my archive of snappy responses to asshat situations. Save your sanity, indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flatland Shooter Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 I HATE drink drivers and think they deserve whatever they get. They deserve a lot more than they get. The "justice" system still coddles them IMHO. If I was king, first DUI conviction would get 30 days in county jail and six month license suspension. Second would be a year in state with five year suspension, third would be five year stay and lifetime suspension. Jail time might work but license suspension won't. I say 75% of the DUI stops in our area get a "driving on a suspended license" tacked on. Bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waterfowl-widowmaker Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 I love driving drunks around. It's probably my favorite thing to do while I'm at work. That with the satisfaction of knowing I could have saved not only their life but an innocent motorist. Of course, I take all of them to the same place. JAIL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 "Of course, I take all of them to the same place. JAIL." Ah, methinks these be the words of a constable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bountyhunter Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 (edited) I HATE drink drivers and think they deserve whatever they get. They deserve a lot more than they get. The "justice" system still coddles them IMHO. If I was king, first DUI conviction would get 30 days in county jail and six month license suspension. Second would be a year in state with five year suspension, third would be five year stay and lifetime suspension. Jail time might work but license suspension won't. I say 75% of the DUI stops in our area get a "driving on a suspended license" tacked on. Bill True. I'll amend my post to "chain them to a radiator" after second DUI conviction...... I don't know what the solution is, I just know it ain't working now. Edited November 2, 2013 by bountyhunter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JakeMartens Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Unless you are driving him to AA meetings then you are not helping him. Until he hits his rock bottom he will not realize that everything that has happened is his problem and has been caused by drinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Stevens Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 I'm like Gary,a drunk put me in a wheel chair for 8 months when I was 16 years old,broke both my legs.So If you get caught and ask for a jury trial and see me as one of the twelve,you going to jail..I have no pity on a drunk driver. Wow, learned something new. I didn't know South Carolina allowed a juror to pre-judge guilt absent any evidence presented at trial. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Youngeyes Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 (edited) I'm like Gary,a drunk put me in a wheel chair for 8 months when I was 16 years old,broke both my legs.So If you get caught and ask for a jury trial and see me as one of the twelve,you going to jail..I have no pity on a drunk driver. Wow, learned something new. I didn't know South Carolina allowed a juror to pre-judge guilt absent any evidence presented at trial. 8 months, at 16 years old, in a wheel chair, with 2 broke legs, gives EEH a little leeway to vent about drunk drivers. I don't believe the sarcasm was necessary. Just my opinion. Edited November 2, 2013 by Youngeyes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperman Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 This Hate rant has turned into a discussion, which is beyond the bounds of the rules for the Hate Forum. Thus, it must be closed.Please review the Hate Forum Rules:http://www.brianenos...?showtopic=8097[note: this is a generic response] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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