How do you spend your time

[j1b]

So I was going to post this in the "starting a conversation" thread in what I like. But my post would have simply been thread drift so I decided to ask a new question that is quite meaningless but curious to me.

I'm one of those guys that tends to have VERY close friends, of which there are only very few, and then a ton of acquaintences (SP). I'm not much into people. And those that don't add value to my life really end up at the bottom of the totem pole for me.

I am passionate about what I'm passionate about. I don't get it when people don't get it - and that frustrates the hell out of me. Which means I don't instigate conversation much. I'm not huge on building a network. The acquaintences I have are due primarily to the life I have to live in order to live, or due to the hobbies I have and the efforts to learn in them.

So as a mini demonstration - my wife travels a bit. She's out of town now. I'm certain some in my position would see this as an opportunity to go hang out with the boys, or go to a "club" - whatever. Not me. I get home, I tend to work a little, I tend to read up on some things that are top of mind, I tend to hit BE a bit, and then I just chill. I like being alone. I almost prefer it outside of my wife and daughter. I like being alone - that's all there is to it. I can sit in front of the couch and watch TV. I can read. I can build a flight plan if I want. No interaction is a better bet for me than meaningless interaction.

I'm just wondering fellow BE'ers - what are you like? What are your preferences with people?

Is a good conversation worth the many worthless that you'll have? Or is no conversation worth the loss of a potential meaningful one missed?

Just wondering. Because I don't start conversations. I just don't. If someone starts one with me I'm more than willing to enter - but given the choice I'm a stage right exit and enjoy a little time on my own.

Thoughts?

J

[JakeMartens]

About the same here.

I have been in retail for the last 19 years, I worked for Best Buy, Circuit City, Dick's Sporting Goods and now Sears. I have lived in lots of citys, Atlanta, Cincinatti, Augusta, Lexington, Kansas City, St Louis, Evansville, IN (hometown), and now Indianapolis....

I can count on no fingers the friends I have from all of that, even former roomates.

I have several acquaintences, people I know from those jobs, and people I shoot with. But when it comes to what is important to me is the love of my wife and kids.

People I know through work know I am a big 2nd Admin person, a conservative and a person that believes laughter and having fun when appropiate is key, but outside of that I don't start conversations.

My wife understands me, so do my kids, outside of that I couldn't care less. I am what I what am, don't like me, don't care

don't agree with me, don't care.

The only person I try to impress is me, and my wife( which never works by the way)

[XRe]

I'm somewhere in the middle.... I enjoy my "alone time" quite a bit, and need it to depressurize from all the various stresses... But, every once in a while, I need people...

I'm horrible at maintaining "talk to 'em every day" kind of friendships - I do admire the folks I call my friends, and I enjoy talking with them and spending time with them. But, factoring time in to maintain contact can be hard... I'm not a networking kind of guy, either.

I find, though, that if I spend all my time alone, I get a little stir crazy. I do enjoy being around some people - possibly a wider range than you, Jack... And I'm pretty good at walking away from worthless conversations But I've gotten into a few interesting ones here and there, and they've mostly been worth it when they're good ones.

[larry cazes]

I am somewhat like Jack. I have made a few close friends over the years and a lot of aquaintances. My best friend is really my wife. We spend the bulk of our time together working, shooting, and just talking. I consider myself very fortunate to have found the few people who are really close to me. Through work, I have met a lot of folks lately who have absolutely nobody in their corner when they need them. Appreciate those around you.......My time is split between a few hobbys and work, mostly work.

Edited May 1, 2008 by larry cazes

[G-ManBart]

Outside of my wife and dogs I have only a handful of close friends. My wife and I are pretty similar in this regard. We don't have big groups of friends, don't go out much and enjoy being able to hang out together. If she's not here (rarely) I'll load ammo, dry fire, do projects around the house etc, but I'll basically never go hang out with the boys. I know I'm weird that way and even things like practicing, I'm much better doing alone, or with a few certain people, than in groups. I guess that's why one of my other big hobbies is fly fishing....it's me, the river, the fish (hopefully) and nothing else. I think I've had maybe two buddies that I'd go fishing with and they're of a similar mindset. I'm also not one to initiate conversation as it's usually painful and annoying...lol. At a match I'm probably a little different and will go out of my way to talk to new folks and help if I can, but that's a pretty unique situation. I had a boss who was exactly the same way and he summed it up perfectly....his wife made mention of "meeting new people". He said "if I wanted to know them, I'd already know them!" I knew exactly what he meant.

[HSMITH]

Me? I will talk to anybody about anything, don't mind it a bit. I am fluent in Moron up through reasonably intelligent, and 9 dialects of Redneck LOL (long story). I really will talk to anyone about anything for some period of time. That said, being alone is absolutely OK. I can go days and weeks without talking to anyone about anything. Hasn't happened often, but it isn't a problem. I have been in a customer support role for my day job over 15 or 16 years now, it is very expensive for my customers to have me visit and often times the mood is pretty damn poor when I get there. I NEED to be able to talk to anyone about anything. I need to be able to bring people down, calm and assure them, then do my job. I need to garner their trust quickly, demonstrate complete competency at the minimum, and make them feel OK with a large bill when I am done. It isn't always easy.

In my personal life I have a ton of friends I see once in a while, people I am happy to see and talk to a bit, and a few close friends that I would do anything for any time and anywhere. The close friends are people I really trust, and they are very few, people I would give a key to my house, loan them my truck, things like that. 3 persons within 500 miles or so?

I am a lot like Jack but many times more curious I guess, every person I have ever met is wired a little bit differently. One of my sad hobbies is talking to people to see how they are wired, and guessing how that might turn out based on something like appearance or where you might find them. People are interesting animals if you view them in the right context.

[DonT]

100% HomeBody. I love being at home, my castle, my sanctuary, my escape from all the problems of the day. I'm not a conversationalist but am polite and respectful to everyone I meet. I have a few close friends and many acqaintances. My best friend is my wife. I would never go out with the boys, would prefer to be at home and/or with my wife. The wife likes to go out so we have several couples that all get together and go to dinner, movies, etc. We have one friend that can start talking and never shut up all night. We get along great because I don't have to say anything, I can just listen to him and laugh till my sides hurt.

Definition of friend; someone that you could call up at anytime and ask them if they could come over and help you do something and they would be right over without even knowing what it is...but as a friend, you would never ask.

I have my wife, my grown kids, a few friends, a job, my health, and a hobby that I enjoy. I'm the luckiest man in the world.

[JThompson]

I'm cool with talking to almost anyone... except that moron who wants to talk at the urinal next to mine. There moments in life when one needs to be alone with their thoughts, and/or johnson.

~Insert masturbation joke here~

[Jman]

I talk for a living. From 1 to 300 perfect strangers at a time. It's a power lust thing and I love it. My family is HUGE and consists of MD's, PhD's and ditch diggers. Impossible to distinguish the diggers from the doctors. Unless you saw what they drove up in. No "friends" in it's purest sense since childhood. Just loves. Beginning with my wife of 26 years and our girls. More professional acquaintances than I'll ever remember with whom I communicate with regularly. Only very causal acquaintances at matches but truly enjoy them. I'm there to experience the shooting. Selfish like that. Pretty much it.

Jim M

[38superman]

I talk to shooters.

[Slabbie Shooter]

What a great thread! I think this is one of the exclusively male tendencies: being one's own company.

I could have been one of those guys sent on a mission to Mars in a one man capsule and been just fine with it. I can hang out in my house for days; some TV, lotsa computer activity, dry firing, push ups, etc. I do have the professional gift of gab and can turn it on and off like a switch. Clients think they are very close to me but actually know almost nothing about me. That's my intention. I enjoy my own company.

I do have about tow or three lifetime friends, guys that would bail me out of jail on one phone call, even after not speaking for a year. Guys like that. Because of my chosen career, I have traveled a lot, and my tight friends are all over the country. But we all have a couch or a spare room for each other on no notice.

Perhaps it is because I was raised by a woman who can speak for a week and say nothing at all, God bless her, that I am this way. Or maybe I'm just this way.

Either way, I'm totally content with it.

[carinab]

I spend hardly any time at all around people. I work from home. The only time I encounter the public is when I run errands. I have friends but the are sectioned by activity; the range, the dojo, the swedes. I only see them when doing a particular activity. I don't mind being alone but at times I do get lonely as I don't have a specific person to do what women call "trouble talk." That's the thing we women do where we only vent, not wanting a solution or anything fixed....makes most men crazy so I don't make my husband deal with it. I am outgoing by nature so when I get to be around other people, it makes me more energized.

[Cat355]

Other than my wife, who is my best friend, (Today is our 18th anniversary. ) I spend most of my time alone, or pampering the five abandoned felines we adopted, which suits me just fine. I do have a handful of acquaintances that I consider borderline friends. They are all pro-gun, btw.

I try to avoid elitist, materialistic snobs who worship money, arrogant egomaniacs who think they know-it-all, and all those amateur social and political analysts who are only too eager to inflict their mainly unsubstantiated, knee-jerk opinions on me.

[SiG Lady]

It seems everything I've ever done (either for pleasure or for filthy lucre) has put me in touch with anyone and everyone, sometimes thousands of people at once. Every time I pick up the phone at work, for instance, I have NOOOOO idea who's going to call and want legal counsel for some god-awful medical negligence case, for example. I have to be ready for anything during that one hour a day I cover the phones. I find it somewhat stressful at times.

I've had to answer phones at a number of places on a regular basis which meant being ready for anything at all sometimes. Moreover, any kind of customer contact/customer service situation puts you forcibly in touch with anyone and everyone. I've had to be there and often want to run screaming.

When I spent time on the air I answered the phones and talked to the public at the same time, and often "did" the news--which meant talking to anyone/everyone each day. No two days alike... calm or crisis, it was anyone/everyone, all the way from "moron" to Congressman/woman. This went on for years.

I work out of my home part-time doing all the graphic advertising art you already know about (just received a pretty-much-ready-to-go Dealer Banner order today, too!) and deal with shooting vendors across the country. No personal contact there, granted, but it feels like it sometimes. Good folks.

I also shoot photos for a major construction company here in town and I drive around the area shooting steel (not guns) and concrete. So I chat with construction workers on a regular basis. I had a nice sit-down with this contractor the other day, talking frank politics and guns! He just got his CHL and is proud of it. I've been working for him for about 13 years.

Then there's the unusual stuff I do at the Jail: deputy Sheriff's officers and inmates. Whatta combo. But they're real, too, and I communicate with them in a variety of ways. Too bad we just shut down my Sheriff's Quarterly Newsletter project (5 years)... that organ allowed me into a lot of people's lives inside the SO and I was interviewing a lot of who's-who folks in the SO. [County budget cutbacks have finally hit the fan.]

So, I've mastered the Communication Chameleon Act. I've had to.

One can't blame me, then, for wanting to spend a little time "to myself" now and then. In recent years I've tended to seek out shooters, of course (and they're everywhere), and the company of people who read good books, think critically and have a sense of humor.

Some people are actually AFRAID to be alone. I can't imagine what THAT must feel like. I've always valued my structured solitude, but balance it with all this other goofy extroverted stuff which helps keep me in touch and TEACHES ME THINGS. Learning is where it's at.

Too much information...? Maybe. But it's my life. And I'm sure I'm even leaving out some things.

[Paul Santiago]

I was going to reply along the lines of you just described me. Then I read some of the other posts and Damn! We've been cloned!!!

[Gameplayer]

Professionals call it social anxiety, acquaintances call it anti-social. Whatever label you want to attach to me more than likely would be correct. After years in the military with good friends, I now find myself distancing myself from the outside world.

I spend a little time on the computer, try to read a good book as often as I can, do a little maintenance around the home and now thinking of going to school to pursue some sort of career.

Now that it's getting warmer I will usually play some sort of sport with my sons.

My immediate family are my friends.

[kevin c]

Yeah, I'm one too.

I am content being by myself. I talk and share time and interests with my wife and son, and that is important to me, but each of us has our own interests and mine are ones where I'm on my own.

I can be in/around the crowd, but I'm not part of it, and that's fine.

[Greg Bell]

Pro Gun, Introvert, Quiet, Sarcastic Humor, and Few Friends describes me pretty well. Combine all that with moving for a new job to a new state where you know no one.

[wide45]

one Wolf

[waxman]

Wow. I always thought I was just different. I dont really care for 99% of people. I could count my true friends on 1 hand. I almost felt like there was something wrong with me, not wanting to go and hang out in public places and socialize with strangers. I am also very fortunate to have a wife who i consider my best friend. After having a bad ending to one of my best friendships as a young man, I just dont get to close to people anymore, and I like it that way. I spend most of my time working, or in my gunroom/ reloading room, or my garage. I remember a excersise we did in a college class I had once. You had to name who you wanted for your 6 paulberrers(spell) . Man that was hard to do for an introvert like me. I have alot of people I work with, or have worked with that I stay in touch with, but none that I would want to hang out with on my weekends. Well this has been very therapeutic I am very happy to see I am not (alone)Thanks Dave

[JD45]

I've found that as I grow older I'm enjoying the social part of shooting sports more. I like talking to any decent person that likes competition and shooting.

Some shooting sports are just more social. Sporting clays, USPSA, and trap and skeet come to mind. Have you ever been to your clubs benchrest rifle match? I shot a few and found people way too quiet and serious.

I'm not 40 yet, but I have had way too many people die on me by now; relatives, older shooters and such. One thing has hit me like a ton of bricks: LIFE IS WAY TOO DAMN SHORT. The thought of counting how many state or area championships I have left scares the hell out of me.

So, if you see me at a match, I will probably like talking to you. I'm serious about competition, but only when I'm up to shoot.

If only someone would have warned me about this when I was fifteen.

Edited May 3, 2008 by JD45

[warpspeed]

I get enough alone time at work that I prefer to spend my time around others when I get a chance.

[tightloop]

Like lots of folks, I have very few real "friends" and lots of acquaintences....Also being an extrovert, I can and do meet and engage lots of folks with conversation, but usually superficially at best...

As we get older, we finally get to the point of understanding that close friends and family are where the rubber meets the road; at least for me it does. I enjoy the new people I meet and talking with them, but meaningful conversations and interchanges of ideas are reserved for those whose intellect I admire.

As a person I require more than a modest amount of down time, for myself...then is when I immerse myself in a good book, or good music or if really lazy...a good cigar and a great glass of wine or single malt...and there I sit, pondering the lint in my navel... It pays dividends though, as I am then able to cope, at least for a while, with the idiots, dullards and ratchetjaws that come into everyones life...

Great literature and great music are two of Gods gifts to mankind, as are "real" friends. don't watch TV much, do watch some classic movies, enjoy good theater, fast cars, and beautiful women.

Sometimes I think it is not so important WHAT we do as HOW we do it

[Hoofy]

I hate people.

That is usually my only thought in an airport, at the mall, or any other crowd I find myself forced into.

Maybe that's why the family goes on vacations without me. (which allows me to shoot 2 matches in a weekend)

The funny thing I notice too, is that some (that don't know me well) think I'm a "people" person.

[Duane Thomas]

I think it comes right back to personality typing: introvert or extravert. Introverts get their energy from inside themselves and find dealing with other people requires an expenditure of that energy. Extraverts get their energy from interacting with other people and find being alone draining. In general I like people, I approach everyone thinking they're going to be friendly and decent - which is why people still have the power to shock me on a regular basis. But in general I do find interacting with others, especially strangers, drains my energy, and I guess subconsciously I'm picky about who I'll let drain me.

So I too fall into the "few really close friends" category. Even if I wanted a wider circle of friends, which at times I think would be nice, it doesn't help matters that being a writer is an innately solitary job. I make my living, basically, in large part by sitting on my butt in front of a keyboard, alone in a room by myself. Most of the people I need to interact with to get my job done are in other states, and I deal with them over the phone. This is not a prescription for an active social life. Sometimes that bothers me.