EricW Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 (edited) I can't believe it. I got shut out of racing. I just love hydroplane racing. It's exactly like NASCAR, except for the fact that it's totally different aside from going in circles to the left. Imagine my shock when I tried to register for the 2008 racing season and had my application returned. I can't afford a gas-turbine unlimited hydroplane. In fact, I can't afford a Mastercraft ski boat. So, I decided to race my 14' St. Croix canoe, which I've clocked at a blistering 6.5 mph heading down the St. Joe river in a tailwind. Bastards. One of these days, when I drive through Pasco again, I'm going to drop by the offices of the American Boat Racing Association and cry them a river because they shut me out. They gave me some crazy crap about speed differentials, wakes, safety ... yadda yadda. Gas turbine boats are big, expensive, and kinda scary. I think they should alter their entire sport just to accommodate me. Tradition schmadition. I can't afford or handle an unlimited hydoplane. Shit, I can't even afford the gas for a race. What about me, dammit? I don't want to watch, I want to drive! They should have a way for me to go play their game today with whatever I happen to have laying around my backyard! In fact, I urge everyone to rise up and join me in my protest against The Man and his stupid rules. Register your displeasure about discriminatory, aquatic racing practices at: http://www.abrahydroplanes.com/ Edited January 6, 2008 by EricW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJPoLo Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 (edited) Sweet. Once again, Eric, you made my day. -Chet Edited January 6, 2008 by DJPoLo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kingman Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 That is amazing. Hmm is that about Ohhh, never mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadetree Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I can't believe it. I got shut out of racing. I just love hydroplane racing. It's exactly like NASCAR, except for the fact that it's totally different aside from going in circles to the left. Imagine my shock when I tried to register for the 2008 racing season and had my application returned. I can't afford a gas-turbine unlimited hydroplane. In fact, I can't afford a Mastercraft ski boat. So, I decided to race my 14' St. Croix canoe, which I've clocked at a blistering 6.5 mph heading down the St. Joe river in a tailwind. Bastards. One of these days, when I drive through Pasco again, I'm going to drop by the offices of the American Boat Racing Association and cry them a river because they shut me out. They gave me some crazy crap about speed differentials, wakes, safety ... yadda yadda. Gas turbine boats and big, expensive, and kinda scary. I think they should alter their entire sport just to accommodate me. Tradition schmadition. I can't afford or handle an unlimited hydoplane. Shit, I can't even afford the gas for a race. What about me, dammit? I don't want to watch, I want to drive! They should have a way for me to go play their game today with whatever I happen to have laying around my backyard! In fact, I urge everyone to rise up and join me in my protest against The Man and his stupid rules. Register your displeasure about discriminatory, aquatic racing practices at: http://www.abrahydroplanes.com/ Boy that just ain't right. As soon as I get my typwriter hooked up to the internet I'm going to lodge a complaint. Maybe you can reciprocate by helping me out. I want to register my yugo for formula 1 racing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 That is amazing. Hmm is that about Ohhh, never mind. They should have a way for me to go play their game today with whatever I happen to have laying around my backyard! ......and the same people wonder why the other kids would never let them play way back in grade school..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wide45 Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Eric, Fill your canoe with small children, and old women. Not only will they let you race, they will have to let you win! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bountyhunter Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I can't believe it. I got shut out of racing. I just love hydroplane racing. //// So, I decided to race my 14' St. Croix canoe, which I've clocked at a blistering 6.5 mph heading down the St. Joe river in a tailwind. Sorry. The official rules of hydroplane racing are: If it can't go fast enough to get airborne, flip over and kill the driver... It isn't entertaining enough to allow in the race. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout454 Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I can't believe it. I got shut out of racing. I just love hydroplane racing. //// So, I decided to race my 14' St. Croix canoe, which I've clocked at a blistering 6.5 mph heading down the St. Joe river in a tailwind. Sorry. The official rules of hydroplane racing are: If it can't go fast enough to get airborne, flip over and kill the driver... It isn't entertaining enough to allow in the race. You obviously have never been in a down river canoe on a class 5 river. They get airborne, they flip over and occasionally they kill the driver! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warpspeed Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 For those who did not get it, EricW is using an analogy to splain why 22 rimfire pistols should not be recognized in USPSA competition. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EricW Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 (edited) Incorrect. This thread is ONLY about Hydroplane racing. [Could everyone please remove all references to prohibited topics, lest we violate forum rules? Thanks!] Edited January 7, 2008 by EricW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.Hayden Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Eric.. I tried to enter with my float tube (ala fly fishing).. same thing.. yada-yada-yada.. no! jerks.. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boz1911 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Incorrect. This thread is ONLY about Hydroplane racing. However, I would LOVE to see one of the never-ending litany of folks who wants to break the DVC triangle (the bedrock foundation of the sport) go to the PBRA annual meeting, go to the podium, and make the same arguments about unlimited hydroplane racing as get made here on a daily basis and see how many milliseconds pass before they are laughed out of the auditorium. Do the other racing sports really have to put up with this crap constantly? I knew this had to be a Zen thing........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaxshooter Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 What dates are the Hydroplane racing championships? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GentlemanJim Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 ROFLMAO NICE....just NICE Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kingman Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 you know Eric, maybe you should scrounge up a junkyard 350 small block to put in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Heiter Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 WHAT???? You mean to tell me that boat racing league of yours will spend all kinds of time recognizing such purist categories as "Oldest guys to shoot sort of well for their age" and "Super Old Guys who are still boat racing despite their bad hips" and yet they won't let you enter your canoe? It's almost Jim Zumbo'esque how they feel like your boat has no place in their Assoc. just because they don't personally own one or see a need for them. Please American Boat Racing Assoc., please stop monkeying w/ Eric's canoe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanM Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Put a bedsheet up and come race sail boats with us Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Odie Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Eric, I might can help you. My dad works in the petroleum business on the compressor end of things. They have some smaller turbines that run auxiliary stuff. I can probably get him to bring one home, but we have to figure out how to mount it on the canoe, and how to mount a tank for natural gas. I will be happy to let you drive, no arguement. Just let me get the video camera rolling first.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gm iprod Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 The quickest way to get in is to crew your boat with a Lesbian mixed race one legged no armed visually impaired wheelchair bound deaf dyslexic, who stutters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dajarrel Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 I Love good satire dj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EricW Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 UPDATE: All my email protests to the ABRA have gone unreplied to. I even sent them pictures of my newest bathtub racer, which is actually my neighbor's clawfoot bathtub powered by a 30 watt trolling motor connected to an old motorcycle battery. So, I called this morning and got some static about "not enough power" or not fast enough to qualify or some crazy crap like that. I'm tired of all the "money" guys shutting me out of the glory. It's not fair. I should be able to go to Sea Fair and run with the big dogs with whatever I can fit into the trunk of my station wagon. Power to the people! Down with the man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EZ Bagger Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gino_aki Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 well if the PBRA won't let ya race against them, bring your canoe with you when you visit, I'm sure we could rustle up some genuine Hawaiian Racing canoes for you to compete against. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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