vluc Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 As seen in a dog's diary : 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite! 2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite! 3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! 4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite! 6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite! 7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite! 8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite! 11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite! As seen in a cat's diary: Day 183 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction that I get from clawing their furniture. Tomorrow I will eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must remember to try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, that did not work according to plan .. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." I must learn what this is and how I may use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I have patience, I can wait, it is only a matter of time.
North Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 For someone like me with 2 German Sheperds, 1 yellownape amazon, and 1 very fat long haired cat this is fraking funny.
Chris Keen Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. :D
AikiDale Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 "Excerpts from a Dog's Diary" 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! "Excerpts from a Cat's Diary" Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.
Larry White Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 (edited) How did you get ahold of my cat's diary? Your bird informed on him and told where it was hidden.-------Larry Edited March 14, 2007 by lkytx
SiG Lady Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 "...I once again vomit on the carpet." I have no adequate words for how so totally funny that post is....!!!
IronEqualizer Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 LMAO..... The best I have seen in quite a while.
George Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 I have a cat and a big azz bird in a big azz cage. My cat just ran under my feet as I went down the hall and almost took me down. There was fresh cat puke in the living room too. I guess I better watch my backside, eh!
George Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 ...or, just open your front door. Won't work, the cat doesn't like it outside (total housecat) and the birds wings are clipped and he can't fly. I may just have to use the front door way out myself ;-)
Larry White Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 ...or, just open your front door. Won't work, the cat doesn't like it outside (total housecat) and the birds wings are clipped and he can't fly. I may just have to use the front door way out myself ;-) Well if the bird cant fly half the problem is easy. Leave the cage door open, the cat will handle the rest.-----------Larry
George Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Larry, I wish it were that simple. My cat and bird are actually in cahoots and they get along fine. They spend time up close and personal and never lay a claw/talon on each other. Even if the cat went for the bird, my money would be on the Cockatoo. He's a biggie and has a beak that can take off a finger if you aren't careful. That bird does not fear cats at all. The bird lives in a cage to protect the rest of us ;-/
GrumpyOne Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Why? The cat is infinitely more interesting........
Youngeyes Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 The Dog's Diary 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! The Cat's Diary Day 983 of My Captivity My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
Youngeyes Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I guess this has been around for a while.
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