mjbine Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be open when she brings it. ----------------------------------------------------------- Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine won't be able to support you. ----------------------------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those evolutionary things that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ----------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts the sentence with "A man once told me..." ----------------------------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There's a clock already on the stove. ---------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door, and your wife is yelling at the front door, which do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ---------------------------------------------------------- I married Miss Right. I just didn't know that her first name was Always. ----------------------------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called Wedding Cake. ----------------------------------------------------- Why do men die before their wives? Because they want to. ------------------------------------------------------ Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. ------------------------------------------------------ In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocket35 Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Pretty cold! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duane Thomas Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Groan..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 If I say anything at all I'll get pinked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry White Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 (edited) If I say anything at all I'll get pinked. Well I guess that means you have learned your place,------wait!!!-----wait!!!-----I didnt say that-------I didnt say that, did I ??? No-----No, not me.-----------Larry Edited August 21, 2008 by Larry White Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlamoShooter Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 I like the one about the Laundromat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSMITH Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 I like the one about the Laundromat LOL, me too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 Why do men die before their wives...? Because they're quitters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsb45acp Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 Hey, studies show that married men live longer then single men. Married men are just more willing to die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grandbagger Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 very funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nashvillebill Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 Bald, beer gut, feeling sexy. So? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zhunter Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 If I say anything at all I'll get pinked. Well I guess that means you have learned your place,------wait!!!-----wait!!!-----I didnt say that-------I didnt say that, did I ??? No-----No, not me.-----------Larry The amazing thing is.... Larry edited this post too. Hey, studies show that married men live longer then single men. Married men are just more willing to die. Maybe it is to put ourselves out of our misery Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gm iprod Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 Here's one for the ladies. Why do men snore? so that women will know that they have finished. Now one fo rthe guys, Why do women shut their eyes during sex? They just can't stand to see a guy have a good time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AikiDale Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 Why do men die before their wives...?Because they're quitters. It did not look like it could possibly do me any good to add to this thread so I resisted for some time. Then today I received this Link. It would have been wrong to not post it.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Modoc Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 ROTFLMAO Aki that video is priceless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
racerba Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 Because they're quitters. Yes, we actually KNOW when to quit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjbine Posted August 21, 2008 Author Share Posted August 21, 2008 Why do men die before their wives...?Because they're quitters. It did not look like it could possibly do me any good to add to this thread so I resisted for some time. Then today I received this Link. It would have been wrong to not post it.... Now that is funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EZ Bagger Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 It would have been wrong to not post it.... Nope, funny as hell. Don't think I'll send it to my wife though.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
North Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 Why do men die before their wives...?Because they're quitters. It did not look like it could possibly do me any good to add to this thread so I resisted for some time. Then today I received this Link. It would have been wrong to not post it.... OMG, That is freaking funny!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Sierpina Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 Dale, I don't know how you find that stuff, but, THANK YOU! Alan King was a riot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skywalker Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 Hey, ya know why "mistress" was spelled like such when the term was invented? Simply because there was no way they could've got away with a "y" instead of an "i" ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zhunter Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 True Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toolguy Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Married men don't live longer than single men... It just SEEMS longer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Round_Gun_Shooter Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 (edited) Why do men die before their wives...?Because they're quitters. Actually it is Why do women live longer than Men Because they don't have wives Edited August 28, 2008 by Round_Gun_Shooter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Round_Gun_Shooter Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 To fuel this along a little Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb? Woman's Answer: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THATARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !! I'm sorry. What was the question? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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