Things You Only Do Once -

[JKSNIPER]

SIGLADY,

Table sawing a small piece of wood, cut is done and I'm reaching for the power switch on the saw when the blade grabs the wood and propels it like a titan missile toward the back wall of the garage.

Broke a bunch of stuff on my work bench and my wife came out to see why I was so mad that I banged on the wall.

A guy was killed by is saw years ago.

He was found dead in his shop from what everyone assumed was a heart attack.

Autopsy revealed internal bleeding from his liver.

Saw had kicked back a board which struck him. Apparently he thought it was just a bad bruise and kept working until he collapsed.

JK

[45Fundi]

Highschool baseball. Its not legal regular season but is pre-season...my coach made me pitch a double header (18 innings). I got home and my shoulder was rags and I was so tired I couldn't stay awake. I took the ice pack off of shoulder and liberally rubbed the extra hot version of Ben-Gay on my shoulder. Fell asleep woke up later still in pain and in the DARK... VERY liberally blindly squirted more Ben-Gay into my hand and rubbed on shoulder then back to sleep. While sleeping with a huge handful of Ben-Gay in my only functional hand must of done some scratching, rubbing and general rearranging of my business (my boys and my main man!) slathering them with extra hot Ben-Gay! I awoke screaming ran to bathroom and inspected my business. Realized my mistake and screaming frantically turned on sink to get my business into cool water. Well.... it wouldn't reach and so tried to wash Ben-Gay off, MISTAKE this only rubs it in more with a feeling of a paste of broken glass & gasoline into & open wound, so I still need to soak my business in something cool and it won't reach the bottom of the sink and the sink isn't filling up fast enough, so screaming, cussing with tears I run now nekid for the kitchen grab a "short" glass and at the fridge water dispenser fill it with cold water and drop my business in while resting my head against the fridge and with both hands hold the glass as high on my boys as it will go and repeat this with fresh cold water ALL night... it never happened again! I honestly get upset walking by the stuff on the shelf in the grocery store to this day ;-)

[Jake Di Vita]

That.

Was.

Awesome.

[Bigpops]

Hi everybody, I'm new to the site and I stumbled across this thread. I'm only 23, but I have plenty of things to add to this list.

Drinking and bowfishing don't mix... you can put the line on the wrong side of your hand when taking a shot in a hurry. I have to look at the 6" scar on my hand every day.

If you're using a rcbs hand primer and a crimped military primer pocket hangs up on you, the answer is not to squeeze harder. 70 large pistol primers went off giving me some third degree burns, but luckily I kept all my fingers.

When buying eyeglasses, make sure there isn't enough room between your eyebrow and the frame for something like a hot, freshly fired 45acp case to pass through. It happened to me during the middle of a bowling pin match. The guys had a good time with that one... kept telling me they could read 45 ACP on my cheek.

there is payback for littering cigarette butts: the aerodynamics on some chevy silverados will occasionally toss 'em back in the cab with you and land in between your back and the seat.

Soldering irons always stay hot longer than you think.

welding with frayed clothing is a no-no

wear pants when chipping limestone.

Luckily, chicks dig scars

For guys only: never "adjust" or scratch yourself after applying Icy Hot... or you'll be doing a really funny dance

If you're rolling Jiu-Jitsu and try to put someone in an arm bar...you better better be wearing a cup.

The rest I'll keep to myself. some are just too stupid to admit in public

Dang dude...ever consider something a little more safe...like Bingo?

[Duane Thomas]

Remember that first time... When you threaded your belt through the first loop, then gave 'er a nice, sharp tug - and the buckle-end whipped up, down, then back up like a bullwhip and cracked you right in the balls.

Can't say I ever have, actually.

Ouch!

[Duane Thomas]

Remember the first time you were applying a wrench to your Dillon reloading machine, and the wrench slipped off, came back, and cracked you right in the mouth?

[murkish]

Sit in a folding lawn chair in the back of an El Camino when your friend decides to demonstrate its acceleration.

Try to nudge out the grass plug that has accumulated in the chute of your gas push mower with your foot. Seven years later and the big toe on my right foot is still partially numb. Probably would have lost it had if my tennis shoe had a heavy rubber toe covering.

Close a folding knife with a razor sharp blade and a balky lock on your right index finger.

Brace a piece of wood between your knees when you are going to hit it with a 16lb hammer.

Hold onto a small block of wood while trying to put a finish nail in it with a pneumatic nail gun.

Break a roll of quarters on your forehead on a bet. I was successful and there was no lasting injury, but I will not be doing that again.

Shoot a Leatherneck (Bacardi 151 and Tabasco) as the first drink on your birthday. My friend said something funny. I laughed and the drink shot out my nose. I choked...I coughed...I vomited...The bartender cut me off...and I did not even have a buzz.

edited for spelling

Jack

Edited October 24, 2008 by murkish

[SiG Lady]

Holy crap, we're all lucky to still be alive...!!

We could all write books/short stories about this stuff. And probably should.

[Loose Brass]

I learned a good lesson about buying WWII surplus ammo several years ago. Dirt cheap and shot great. But I soon found out about corrosive primers the hard way. Had to get a new barrel for my series 70 Colt at the time....ugh!

[rupie]

for 2000 yen in Tokyo snort a line of peppers from the shaker at pizza hut

[SiG Lady]

That sounds at LEAST as bad as the all-night Ben-Gay 'incident'...!!

[45Fundi]

I promise you it doesn't even compare!

[JimmyZip]

On a hot demo range on Oahu, in the late 80s. (88 I thinnk) We are setting off extra demo from a training day at the range. Someone lets the range authority guy on the range and clears hin through to the TOC. Guy has his radio off. That is a big no-no on a demo range. He drives past the TOC after "FIRE IN THE HOLE" has been called. Noone can stop him, his radio off, and oblivious to the waves and screams of us by the safety bunkers, he drives out onto the hot range and passes the two craters we have set the ordnance in. Turns his Blazer around just meters past them and must have seen the smoke from the fuses, ducked down in his truck and KAAABOOOM!!

Doc Bullard our medic, the Capt, the XO and I, their driver for the day are the first to reach the truck. Amazingly, the guy was fine for the most part. Mild shock, busted eardrums, minor lacerations here and there, but he lived. If he hadn't laid down he would have been dead. The roof of the truck was peeled back like a bannana peel. All the glass was gone. Rad, grill, lamps, front tires, gone.

Thay changed range procedures after that.

We laugh about it now though, but then woah, not funny.

Paddling out first on a break you don't know after NOT really checking what the sets are really doing. You can get caught in the impact zone over a reef that way and end up getting stitches and ruining your day. Have you heard that sharks can smell blood hundreds of meters away?

[rexican]

Dang dude...ever consider something a little more safe...like Bingo?

I'm pretty sure I could get injured playing bingo as well. I'd find a way.

Wow, 45fundi, that made me feel better about my Icyhot incident.

[JKSNIPER]

Hey Jimmy my nephew is there on Oahu now with 4th Force Recon.

Demo stories......

We're doing demo practice onthe "Rock" years ago when I get the leftover C-4 from everyone there an make a massive C-4 minibasketball/volleyball size lump of it.

I dig a small hole and bury it and tamp the hell out of it, set the time fuse, pull the ingitor...got smoke...walk out.

We're on the other side of the berm and guys are saying "Why'd you do that? I'm explaining I want to see how deep a hole it will make and if it can be used to "dig" a field expedient fighting hole.

WHen it goes BOOM we're all treated to a nice Okinawa mud/dirt shower.

Which was not to fun and my buddies were not amused.

Go back to the other side and MAN! It made a HUGE hole.

Fun stuff.

JK

[SiG Lady]

"I promise you it doesn't even compare!"

I am unwilling to put EITHER experience to the test at this time... or any other time.

[JimmyZip]

JK,

When I was at Sapper School the Summer of 88 or 89, the instructor asked us if we wanted to see a tree fly. Well of course! What yong pyro/explosives junky doesn't want to see a tree fly. We placed some 1/4 lb cans of TNT and some C-4 under the side of a large oak log on the edge of the range and gave it a 15 min fuse.

That log, weighing hundreds of pounds at least, flew like a twig! It made the coolest occilating-whooshing sound as it crashed into the earth spraying water and debris everywhere! ( The range was wet and all the craters were half filled with water).

The field expedient demo course was the funnest and most educational course that I attended while in the military. Well, maybe the land navigation course in the Canal Zone was more educational, but not anywhere near as fun.

[JKSNIPER]

JK,

When I was at Sapper School the Summer of 88 or 89, the instructor asked us if we wanted to see a tree fly. Well of course! What yong pyro/explosives junky doesn't want to see a tree fly. We placed some 1/4 lb cans of TNT and some C-4 under the side of a large oak log on the edge of the range and gave it a 15 min fuse.

That log, weighing hundreds of pounds at least, flew like a twig! It made the coolest occilating-whooshing sound as it crashed into the earth spraying water and debris everywhere! ( The range was wet and all the craters were half filled with water).

The field expedient demo course was the funnest and most educational course that I attended while in the military. Well, maybe the land navigation course in the Canal Zone was more educational, but not anywhere near as fun.

Civilian Guys/Gals just don't appreciate the fun of blowing stuff up.

C-4 and dynamite......The most fun in the military that you can have and still keep your clothes on.

That and automatic weapons and the 40mm "blooper" M-79.

LOts of fun and a BIG potential for whoopsies on a huge scale.

We had, during a drill, at a Navel Weapons Station in NJ that has "Highly dangerous ordanance material" stored there a corporal load the M-79 with an HE round (high explosive). He had the weapon in his lap as the driver sped toward their post.

The vehicle hit a bump, weapon levitated toward the open window, corporal grabbed at it and hit the trigger. "THUNK"

The driver stood on the brakes and they looked at each other with sick expressions then the "Crump" of the HE round going off somewhere in civilian land. NOT GOOD.

Fortunately most of the area around this particular base is pine barrens and farms. It landed in a farmers field and did no damage other than the small hole it put in his field.

I am told he laughed about it when the Col. went to see him.

The Corporal however needed new skivvies..... as did his driver.

Never tell a Marine to do something without first CAREFULLY thinking over the possible things that can go wrong with your order.

Fun stuff.

Good times in the Corps.

Nothing like having a bunch of 19-25 year olds armed with automatic weapons and bored out of their minds.

Makes for some unexpected excitment.

JK

[rupie]

Things you only do once

Go to Cuba and shoot buses and vans with m60's and 50 cals until the wheels fall off and they catch on fire.

Box in a smoker and kick the crap out of your Corpral.

Go to tokyo disney land and have a blast with the natives.

Get assigned to a army base on temporary orders and show the army how Marines party.

Edited October 25, 2008 by rupie

[outerlimits]

when i was in the corps, we were doing stuff out of marble mountain with CH-53's. extracts, loads, supplies. flew up there to pick up a bunch of gens for the comm guys...and some beer. loaded the 53 and took off. short ride to marble mountain and went into a pitch, nose way up. out rolled 1/2 dozen generators and a pallet of beer from about 100'. generators were toast, but the beer mostly survived.

[Sean.McCanne]

When you're moored in Palma di Majorca, Spain, feel free to go to the Cowboy Bar. Hang around with Brit sailors all you want...they have beer on the boat, after all. You can even go on a tequila shot bar crawl with said Brit sailors, especially if you're really good at drinking tequila.

But don't....EVER....have the tequila sunrise after 5 hours of the tequila shot bar crawl, just to finish up. It will make you blow chunks.

Don't drink whatever it was that made me wake up on the roof of a bar in Key West at 1030, wearing only shorts, with a small Polynesian woman yelling at me in some incomprehensible language.

Don't drink an entire bottle of Captain Morgan's in less than 15 minutes. Even if it's on a bet. Got a little Captain in you? Not for long.

Don't drink so much tequila (yes, again) that you start at a party in Oklahoma and wake up in Albuquerque.

Do not ever try to talk a drunk Marine into eating a urinal puck. Ever. Explaining it to the doc gets a little problematic.

Don't ever trash a bar while throwing out some guy, and all his friends, after he slapped his girlfriend. Unless you know the owners of the bar. Jenks? Are you out there?

Don't ever get in a drunken argument with Aussie sailors. Even if you can take 'em!

Yeah, I was a Sailor.

Let's see...non-alcohol stories.

Don't ever try to remove a Turbo 350 trans from a 75 Monte Carlo without a floor jack. It's heavier than you think. So is the rear end.

No, you can't outrun the cop.

Don't ever tell your teenage son: "No matter how small you cut up the body, it will always clog up the toilet."

No, you still can't outrun the cop.

Always be friends with a cop.

Don't try to climb the side of an apartment complex to get in your open second story window when you can't find your key. Even if your girlfriend is waiting.

Don't ask your wife if she wants a girlfriend for Christmas. Also, don't say, "Since you don't want her, can I keep her?"

Don't post all your secrets on an open forum. Oops.

Sean

[JKSNIPER]

Sean,

ALSO don't EVER run from the Japanese cop because you don't understand his lang and get scared.

They can, and do, throw those batons with great accuracy,power, and speed and they will fudge you up.

Our corpsman discovered that fact in Okinawa and wound up having to go stateside for the operation to repair his foot.

Good times.

Don't listen to the senior man who tells you to "go for it" when the old Okinawa mamasan wants to massage the "Newbie wan."

Especially if he says someting like :

"Go for it buddy."

"But she's as old as my Mom!"

"Hey if your mama knew what she knows? You never would have left home!"

USMC 78-82 fun times.

[Sean.McCanne]

Sean,

ALSO don't EVER run from the Japanese cop because you don't understand his lang and get scared.

They can, and do, throw those batons with great accuracy,power, and speed and they will fudge you up.

Our corpsman discovered that fact in Okinawa and wound up having to go stateside for the operation to repair his foot.

Good times.

Don't listen to the senior man who tells you to "go for it" when the old Okinawa mamasan wants to massage the "Newbie wan."

Especially if he says someting like :

"Go for it buddy."

"But she's as old as my Mom!"

"Hey if your mama knew what she knows? You never would have left home!"

USMC 78-82 fun times.

The hottie who sits down next to you on the park bench when you're drunk on your weekend off at the end of boot camp doesn't want to be your girlfriend. She just wants $75. Or, so I've heard.

USN 90-96. Absolutely fun times. Never got much more west than Seattle, and that's when I was on subs. I've heard some crazy stories about the far east. I can tell you it's not a good idea to piss off a bunch of teenage kids in Brest, France, though.

God that's a long time ago.

Edited October 30, 2008 by Sean.McCanne

[Nik Habicht]

Remember the first time you were applying a wrench to your Dillon reloading machine, and the wrench slipped off, came back, and cracked you right in the mouth?

Nope, can't say that I have but then I'm too tall for that to happen.....

Ever bend over to get something out of the dishwasher only to discover when straightening up that the upper cabinet doors clear the kitchen counter? I'm really not happy emptying the dishwasher in this house.....

[joecichlid]

I will never again (knock on wood) run a staple through not one but TWO fingers while stapling targets to lath. Yeah, the staple was sticking out of my fingernails on both fingers, went right through the target, lath and all the way through my finger and still had enough to stick out of my finger nails. Gotta love that when you are about an hour from shooting that stage. lol

Joe W.