okiestovepipe Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Fish swims into a wall. What does he say? Damn! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Miles Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 How come cannibals don't eat clowns? They taste funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Miles Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Guy walks into a bar and sits down. He hears a voice say "my aren't you dressed nicely tonight". He looks around and see's nobody within five tables of him. A short time later he hears the voice again, "you have a nice smile". He still see's nobody. The waitress comes over to take his order and he asks her about the voice. She answers, " It's the peanuts on your table... they're complimentary". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outerlimits Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Some of the worst jokes i've ever read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
okiestovepipe Posted March 22, 2014 Author Share Posted March 22, 2014 Two peanuts are walking down the street. One of them is Salted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WidowsSon683 Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Two muffins are in the oven. One looks to the other and says "man we gotta get out of here." The other one yells "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Miles Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Some of the worst jokes i've ever read. That's the point! Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poolguy Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. He orders a drink and the bartender says "sure but you know you've got a steering wheel on your crotch right?" Pirate replies "argh! It's driving me nuts!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrumpyOne Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Two IDPA shooters walk into a building...You'd have thought one of them would have seen it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Youngeyes Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Man had his whole left side amputated from an accident. It's OK though, he's all right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarge Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Pete and Repete sitting on a fence and Pete falls off. Who's left sitting on the fence? Repete. Pete and Repete sitting on a fence........................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outerlimits Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Some of the worst jokes i've ever read.That's the point!Pat I got it...kinda like: The Dodgers just signed a quadriplegic to BE second base. His name is Mat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
okiestovepipe Posted March 22, 2014 Author Share Posted March 22, 2014 This couple is breaking up, so the guys sez "You will never find anyone like me." She replys: That's the point! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meatsauce Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I once knew a girl with one leg. Her name was Eileen (I lean). She worked at IHOP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meatsauce Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 A horse walked into a bar. The bartender said "Why the long face?". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dkrad1935 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Does anyone know how to catch a polar bear? Cut a hole in the ice, place a bunch of peas around the hole. When the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dkrad1935 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Ok ok. I got this. This really happened two days ago. A friend was telling me she had to take her three year old son to the dentist and they were gonna have to out him under for the procedure. I said "it's to bad he can't transcend dental medication" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travtastik Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Guy walks into a bar and sits down. He hears a voice say "my aren't you dressed nicely tonight". He looks around and see's nobody within five tables of him. A short time later he hears the voice again, "you have a nice smile". He still see's nobody. The waitress comes over to take his order and he asks her about the voice. She answers, " It's the peanuts on your table... they're complimentary". I have read this to my wife 3 times now and she still can't get it at all. She just keeps saying its about comments from the peanut gallery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarge Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Guy walks into a bar and sits down. He hears a voice say "my aren't you dressed nicely tonight". He looks around and see's nobody within five tables of him. A short time later he hears the voice again, "you have a nice smile". He still see's nobody. The waitress comes over to take his order and he asks her about the voice. She answers, " It's the peanuts on your table... they're complimentary". I have read this to my wife 3 times now and she still can't get it at all. She just keeps saying its about comments from the peanut gallery. My poor wife doesn't get half the jokes I tell her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
okiestovepipe Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 This piece of string walks into a bar, hops up on the bar stool and orders a drink.Bartender says "We don't we don't serve your kind around here."The sting slinks out the door.Once outside, he begins to twist and turn him self around until he forms him self into a ball with a few errant strands of thread from his great effort.He proceeds back into the bar and bounces onto the bar stool.The Bartender says "Hey! Aren't you the string I kicked out of here?!"The string answers "Sorry, I am a frayed knot." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Youngeyes Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 (edited) Guy walks into a bar and sits down. He hears a voice say "my aren't you dressed nicely tonight". He looks around and see's nobody within five tables of him. A short time later he hears the voice again, "you have a nice smile". He still see's nobody. The waitress comes over to take his order and he asks her about the voice. She answers, " It's the peanuts on your table... they're complimentary". I have read this to my wife 3 times now and she still can't get it at all. She just keeps saying its about comments from the peanut gallery. My poor wife doesn't get half the jokes I tell her. I thought that about my wife too. I realized later that she just didn't think my jokes were funny. And speaking of funny, When the window fell into the incinerator it was a pane in the ash to retrieve. Edited March 23, 2014 by Youngeyes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdzman Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 What did one burp say to the other..... lets be stinkers and sneak out the back door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
openclassterror Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Guy gets pulled over. Cop walks up and says "Sir, just wanted to warn you that your tail light is out." Guy starts bawling uncontrollably. Cop says "really it's no big deal. I'm not even giving you a ticket" Guy replies "sure, to you its just a burnt out light. To me it means I lost a trailer, my wife, and two kids!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
openclassterror Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 What is the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? .... .... .... .... .... .... .... .... .... The taste Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrumpyOne Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I told my one legged wife, Peg, ya got me stumped, girl... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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