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Fish swims into a wall

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Guy walks into a bar and sits down. He hears a voice say "my aren't you dressed nicely tonight". He looks around and see's nobody within five tables of him. A short time later he hears the voice again, "you have a nice smile". He still see's nobody. The waitress comes over to take his order and he asks her about the voice. She answers, " It's the peanuts on your table... they're complimentary".

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Two muffins are in the oven. One looks to the other and says "man we gotta get out of here." The other one yells "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"

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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. He orders a drink and the bartender says "sure but you know you've got a steering wheel on your crotch right?"

Pirate replies "argh! It's driving me nuts!"

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Two IDPA shooters walk into a building...You'd have thought one of them would have seen it...

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Man had his whole left side amputated from an accident. It's OK though, he's all right now.

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Pete and Repete sitting on a fence and Pete falls off. Who's left sitting on the fence? Repete.

Pete and Repete sitting on a fence...........................

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Some of the worst jokes i've ever read.

That's the point!

Pat

I got it...kinda like:

The Dodgers just signed a quadriplegic to BE second base. His name is Mat.

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This couple is breaking up, so the guys sez "You will never find anyone like me."

She replys:

That's the point!

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I once knew a girl with one leg. Her name was Eileen (I lean). She worked at IHOP.

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Does anyone know how to catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice, place a bunch of peas around the hole.

When the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole:)

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Ok ok. I got this.

This really happened two days ago. A friend was telling me she had to take her three year old son to the dentist and they were gonna have to out him under for the procedure.

I said "it's to bad he can't transcend dental medication"

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Guy walks into a bar and sits down. He hears a voice say "my aren't you dressed nicely tonight". He looks around and see's nobody within five tables of him. A short time later he hears the voice again, "you have a nice smile". He still see's nobody. The waitress comes over to take his order and he asks her about the voice. She answers, " It's the peanuts on your table... they're complimentary".

I have read this to my wife 3 times now and she still can't get it at all. She just keeps saying its about comments from the peanut gallery.

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Guy walks into a bar and sits down. He hears a voice say "my aren't you dressed nicely tonight". He looks around and see's nobody within five tables of him. A short time later he hears the voice again, "you have a nice smile". He still see's nobody. The waitress comes over to take his order and he asks her about the voice. She answers, " It's the peanuts on your table... they're complimentary".

I have read this to my wife 3 times now and she still can't get it at all. She just keeps saying its about comments from the peanut gallery.

My poor wife doesn't get half the jokes I tell her. :wub:

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This piece of string walks into a bar, hops up on the bar stool and orders a drink.
Bartender says "We don't we don't serve your kind around here."
The sting slinks out the door.

Once outside, he begins to twist and turn him self around until he forms him self into a ball with a few errant strands of thread from his great effort.

He proceeds back into the bar and bounces onto the bar stool.
The Bartender says "Hey! Aren't you the string I kicked out of here?!"
The string answers "Sorry, I am a frayed knot."

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Guy walks into a bar and sits down. He hears a voice say "my aren't you dressed nicely tonight". He looks around and see's nobody within five tables of him. A short time later he hears the voice again, "you have a nice smile". He still see's nobody. The waitress comes over to take his order and he asks her about the voice. She answers, " It's the peanuts on your table... they're complimentary".

I have read this to my wife 3 times now and she still can't get it at all. She just keeps saying its about comments from the peanut gallery.

My poor wife doesn't get half the jokes I tell her. :wub:

I thought that about my wife too. I realized later that she just didn't think my jokes were funny. :surprise:

And speaking of funny, When the window fell into the incinerator it was a pane in the ash to retrieve. :goof:

Edited by Youngeyes

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What did one burp say to the other..... lets be stinkers and sneak out the back door. :goof:

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Guy gets pulled over. Cop walks up and says "Sir, just wanted to warn you that your tail light is out." Guy starts bawling uncontrollably. Cop says "really it's no big deal. I'm not even giving you a ticket" Guy replies "sure, to you its just a burnt out light. To me it means I lost a trailer, my wife, and two kids!"

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What is the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

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The taste :sick:

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