GrumpyOne Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call that SOB, he ain't gonna come to you.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Round_Gun_Shooter Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 where can you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xrayfk05 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 What do you call a fly without wings? A walk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
basman Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 What did the tie say to the hat? You go ahead, i'll hang around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Youngeyes Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I was going to buy a book on phobias but I was afraid it wouldn't help me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
okiestovepipe Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 ''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance." "We'll see about that.'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrumpyOne Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I'm schizophrenic and so am I.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Youngeyes Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 A man runs into a pychiatrist's office screaming, " I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam!." The shrink says, " Relax. You're two tents. " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve RA Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Like that one - !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrumpyOne Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Youngeyes Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 I entered ten puns in a comedy contest . Someone asked me if any won. I said, 'Sorry, no pun in ten did." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lifeislarge Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 Three young brothers are sitting upstairs in the bedroom one morning and Johnny, the eldest decides it's time to teach his two younger siblings how to curse. He looks at Mikey and says "when you go downstairs I want you to say damn." He then tells Tommy to say "hell". So they go downstairs and mom looks at Mikey and says "what would you like for breakfast?" Mikey replies "I'll have some damn Cheerios." Mom slaps him upside the head and yells "get to your room!!!" Next, she turns to Tommy and says "what do you want for breakfast?" Tommy replies, "aw hell, I'll have some Cheerios." Now visibly angry, mom turns to Tommy, slaps him upside the head and yells "get to your room!!!" Finally, she turns to Johnny and asks him what he would like to have for breakfast. He looks at her now visibly scared, and says "I don't know, but you can bet your ass it ain't going to be Cheerios." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WidowsSon683 Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 How many corpses does it take to paint a wall......... depends on how hard your throw them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark R Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 (edited) What do you call a guy with no legs and arms... laying on the hot pavement....flip laying in the spice cabinet...herb laying in the swimming pool...bob laying in a pile of leaves...russel and to add to Grumpys...dog with no legs... What do you do with a dog that has no legs...take him for a drag. Edited March 24, 2014 by Mark R Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Youngeyes Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I met a girl at an online chat room. Nothing happened. We just didn't click. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
okiestovepipe Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. - - - How he got in my pajamas, I don't know. Edited March 25, 2014 by okiestovepipe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moltke Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenDragon64 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 What smells the best at dinner? Your nose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singlestackman Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 These jokes are terrible!!!!! (that's why I just read them all) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singlestackman Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 next time someone at the range touches you gun say, "Don't finger my ruger" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forddriver Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 If you're American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? European! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graham Smith Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 One hiker stops to switch from hiking to running shoes. The other asks why and the first one says it's because they are getting into bear country. The second hiker tells the first one that shoes aren't going to help him out run a bear. The first hiker says, "Don't need to out run the bear. Just need to outrun you!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sfchorn Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Q: What do you call someone that speaks two languages? A: Bilingual Q: What doe you call someone that speaks three languages? A: Trilingual Q: What do you call someone that only speaks one language? A: American...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cavy Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 An Irishman walks out of a bar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark R Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 So, three.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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