Does your life sometimes effect your shooting mentaly?

[Victor_R]

I' am a husband and a father of 4 girls 13,10,8, and 2 years old. They keep me busy all day long and so does my wife. My only time away is to hit up a local IDPA match or a hour at the range on my lunch break once a week. I just got in to the game this year and my life seems to be effecting my shooting lately. I will either get into it with the wife the day before a match or feel guilty because I went to a match instead of going to my daughters baseball game or cheer practice. I care about my kids and wife but I need some me time. I keep thinking about it when I'm at a match and not focused my shooting. Instead I' am worried about what my kids and wife think of me for not showing up. Don't get me wrong I do go to there games but not on the day's that I have a match. How do I juggle the 2? I keep asking myself, am I selfish? I need to focus on my goal at the match but don't know how when my life is effecting it.

[LadyinBlue]

Tough subject.

We raised 4 children and then 2 grandchildren...

We started shooting when the kids were young and it got very hectic...too hectic.

We quit shooting for 17 years.

Now we're back.

[JimmyZip]

Dude I was there last year to a certain extent, then my wife spent some time with my pop who taught me the basics of this sport when I was a kid, and now she understands. I also had a talk with her about the things I do that make me the person I am. I also made an effort to make sure that her time around the house goes as easy as possible. In other words I have made myself more available to the family, and that way when I do shoot and practice/dryfire, it is understood that this is daddy time.

I pick up the kids.

I start them on homework.

I clean the kitchen.

I mow the lawn.

I take out the trash.

I feed the animals.

I make dinner.

I make the school lunches.

I do 60-70% of the grocery shopping.

I go to doctor appts.

I take the middle girl to ballet on Tuesday.

I coach my oldests soccer team.

I don't drink, or really carrouse with the boys. So this thing, this shooting thing, THIS IS MY ONLY THING! Other than that I am working, reading stories, cleaning messes, and chasing my youngest daughter's nakedness down the street 'cause she just doesn't want to get her clothes on. (She's 34 months old.) So all I can say is that if you do your part around your house, and you take the time to really bond with your kids, then by all means stop feeling guilty and get out there and shoot.

Just remember though, shooting will always be there. I know that when the girls are older, they will want to do things that I may not be involved in. Then shooting will be effected because I will have to choose. But then again, I only shoot one match a month regularly, but I live fire once a week and dryfire daily.

Peace at the homestead is paramount. Diplomacy is king. Good luck

Jimmy

P.S. I have three girls. 9, 7. and 34 months. (Three in december)

[Jadeslade]

What Jimmy said +1.

[boz1911]

I can sympathize. Shooting and all that goes with it consumes a lot of my free time. I'm very lucky my wife takes care of all the house duties and never gives me much of a honey-do list. I can't imagine trying to do this with all the responsibilities associated with raising kids.

[Flexmoney]

All things are a distraction from the shooting.

Wherever you are at, be all there.

[Dalmas]

Wherever you are at, be all there.

This year it has been really really tough to be all there, haven't been able to switch of "life" when I've been shooting and it has shown in the results. My "practice" this winter is to make sure life is a little ahead of itself for the coming season to bring down the stress level enabeling me to be all there. Money is a big part this...

[stockton]

No, it wouldn't effect your shooting.

But it could affect your shooting.

In all seriousness, after you have been shooting awhile, your subconscious "processes" more and more of your stage execution. If you have other subconscious "baggage", that processing will suffer. You will then have to recruit more conscious processing to execute the stage "program" and your performance will suffer- the conscious works much slower. My advice.... get rid of the wife and kids!

[Allgoodhits]

Maybe this will help.

If you could imagine handling a poisonous snake, then certainly 100% of your attention should be on the snakes head, as their is likely nothing more important than that, at that time.

When you are shooting, and obviously part of shooting is safety, then nothing is as important as your attention to shooting, at that time.

When you are with your wife and family, nothing is as important as they are at that time, and perhaps most other non critical times.

Bottom line as stated by Lanny Bashamm, "wherever you are, be all there". By doing this, you will be amazed at how much better you will be at each thing you do, since all of you will be present, rather than only a part of you. Your shooting game, and your family will also benefit.

MJ

[lugnut]

I have to teenage boys that sleep all day if we let them! Many times I've felt I should stay home instead of heading to a match. Kids wake up late, then get calls from friends and instead of spending time together as a family they bolt for the day. My wife has hobbies too that she spends time with. Every situation is a little different- when the kids were younger there was coaching this or that, etc, etc. I do wonder if my hobbies have taken time away from my family at times.. it does but I love my hobbies too. Just try to keep things in balance- and when the family needs you- know there will be time to shoot another day! The kids grow up real quick! Cliche for sure.. but so damn true.

[Sam]

Victor, you are a very fortunate man. Family before recreation, for certain.

But, don't feel guilty about taking some shooting time. My wife is like JimmyZ's. I take care of her first, then she's glad to see me have some good clean fun for myself. Does your wife know you feel guilty about shooting? Maybe you could talk about it with out it turning into an argument?

[Victor_R]

Thanks you guy's for your advice as it is great advice.

[Graham Smith]

No matter how hard you try, you cannot think about two things at the same time - they end up fighting for attention which only makes things worse. And trying to juggle work, home, and recreation is never easy. Work and home battle for dominance of your time and neither allows for time off to unwind.

I'm not going to try and be some armchair therapist here, but the only solution I know of is to talk about it. If your family cannot get behind you in your sport then you are never going to be comfortable.

[Victor_R]

I talked to them yesterday and they understood what this means to me and my thought's on the whole situation. My kids understood and didn't hold anything against me but the wife needed more talking to. We had a one on one and I think she got the idea. She woke up this morning and said she thinks she want's to go shooting with me sometime because she had a dream that her and my oldest daughter were on a highway when a confrontation happened and a guy pulled a gun. I don't know if she was just making this up to make me think she really understands or if she really means it. I had a IDPA classifier today and all my focus was on just that. I just got a TRP 1911 45 2 months ago and haven't shot a 45 in about 8 years. Well I made CDP MM and I was totally happy with that being that I'm not accustom to 1911 style gun's or the 45 for that matter. Thanks agin for all the advice. Much appreciated.

[spanky]

Moat definitely. It killed my performance at area 4 a couple weeks back. My head was clear for gator classic and I had a much cleaner match.

[Woody Allen]

My advice.... get rid of the wife and kids!

I tried, they keep finding their way home!!!

Duct tape--large packing box--UPS--COD----Naw, they just send them back.

[J-Ho]

The little day to day stuff, no problem.

The big life altering kick in the balls things absolutely kill my concentration.

[inkedshooter]

Everyday life+primer/powder lack of availability(which is now getting better)= less shooting.

[XD Niner]

I received a call from my sister right in the middle of the 2007 Area 6 match. She told me that the doctors suspected that my mom had cancer. Fortunately it turned out to be a false alarm but my performance cratered for the rest of the match.

I shoot in part as a stress reliever and can usually keep my focus on the practice or match without the rest of my life interfering. However, there are some times when that just doesn't work.

[kaiserb]

Marriage is a give and take sport, the way we handled this issue at our home is I can go to shooting sport events etc and my wife takes care of the kids. In return when she is off on a photography gig or class I have to take care of the kids.

[AlamoShooter]

I am still learning the game too. only been at it 19 years. The worst thing that can happen to you is to shoot your best match of your life, and do it on a day that you did not keep up your responsibilities at home.

The next worst thing that happens is you have a bad match and missed some home responsibilities.

It would be a terrible thing if were able to forget about the part of your life that mater's the most ,just to play a game.

One trick is to sleep less, get up two hrs earlier on the weekend than the work week, do part of the extra house work you wife would normally have to do, so that SHE has more free time. & get up 1/2 earlier every day make it no secrete why you are doing extra things.

find out what each of your kids would like as an "extra" and help them achieve it

Your wife and kids have to know that they are the most important thing to you and not in competition with your shooting.

listen to the song - "Don't Blink"

When I started shooting we only had two matches a month available to shoot, Now I can shoot over 8 matches a month if I like.

Edited October 28, 2009 by AlamoShooter

[calishootr]

like the man said, 'its like handling a deadly snake' when your out on the range, i used to tell my stedents that if your out on the range with a gun in your hand, and you are still thinking about ' i have to pick up the dry cleaning and get eggs and milk' then pack it up and go home, because nothing good will come of it if you continue in that mode

thaat being said, shooting in general and competition specifically for me is relaxation, as is reloading, its allowing me to take a break from multi tasking and focus on one thing and try to do it the bast i possibly can at that particular moment in time withoutthe worry of all the other stuff going on in my life

[High Lord Gomer]

I can't believe no one else has suggested this.... Get them shooting!

My youngest son and I do everything together. Mostly riding motorcycles and shooting. They are both more fun with him there.

[S391]

It can but I shoot as a way to relax and burn off the stress of real life. I'm fortunate to be a part of a good, local IDPA club and our winter matches are held on Saturday night in the winter in an indoor range about 1.5 miles from my house. I can spend the day with the family then have some "daddy time" in the evening to shoot and hang out.

[Chills1994]

I asked the now X-girlfriend, and the X-girlfriend before that, what she would rather have:

A. me down at the strip clubs drinking five dollar beer after five dollar beer with several fist-fuls of dollar bills

B. at a match with hardly any women around, hanging out with my buds .

Of course, I did try to bring her out to the range and to shoot matches, but she wouldn't listen to me. The results were disastrous. So I never took her to the range or to matches again.

Match time = me time

It's like my mini-vacation away from it all.

I think for the next future X-girlfriend, if I start receiving grief over my time at matches, I might just say that I am going to a match, but come back home with glitter and perfume all over me. Then ask her where she would rather have me at.