Revopop Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 So I've occasionally seen references to "mall ninjas" on various gun boards, and I understand the concept but didn't know the background of the phrase. Tonight I happened to see this link in HK Mtbr's signature. This could be the funniest thing I've ever read. Ever. I've worked in several different malls, one of which uniformed their security guys in mountie hats, and it's going to be really difficult not to laugh hysterically tomorrow at work when I see one of them walking through the mall, swinging his Maglite like a real "badass operator". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vulture Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 If you would have done a search you would have found a number of entries in the humor section about this guy. ps he also has a myspace page. scary aint it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisStock Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 I had the misfortune of reading this at work a few weeks back... I laughed so hard that I snotted myself and had tears running down my cheeks. Funny funny stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duane Thomas Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 Is everyone sure he means to be taken seriously? I read a bit of his stuff, and he sounds to me like a guy with a great sense of humor who's lampooning the whole "mall ninja" subculture. The people who don't get the joke, and begin lecturing him, on the other hand.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mdstihl Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 Duane, that's kinda how I took it too. Anyone who actually thinks anyone would believe would most likely not be smart enough to type. Regardless, I got a lot of laughs too, especially since I've always rolled my eyes at the "survivalists" I meet at gun shows and shops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Duck Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 Is everyone sure he means to be taken seriously? Originator was a old poster from Glocktalk with an alias account. The whole post in fact done strictly as a joke. Best line ever If plan A is to take multiple hits from 308 in the back... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveU Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 Is everyone sure he means to be taken seriously? Originator was a old poster from Glocktalk with an alias account. The whole post in fact done strictly as a joke. Best line ever If plan A is to take multiple hits from 308 in the back... Not that I'm following this, but wasn't it 338 Lapua? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hitman Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 I live in constant fear everytime I go to the mall. Not fear of the Ninja but in fear that I will cross the line and be taken down by these highly trained pervayors of security who endevor to protect the mall sheep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Revopop Posted May 4, 2008 Author Share Posted May 4, 2008 I think the real brilliance of it is that it takes so long to realize that it's clearly a joke. It's just barely serious enough to think that the guy's just a jackass. It's not till you get the part about protecting the "anal virginity" of innocent mall patrons you really believe it's a hoax. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoMiE Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 I don't know, I've seen some characters at gun shows and you think they are joking but some people are serious about this stuff. Like these , I mean operators. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alellis Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 I don't know, I've seen some characters at gun shows and you think they are joking but some people are serious about this stuff.Like these , I mean operators. Here they are again http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsO6BqBvFJw...feature=related Showing off some highly desirable skills al Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robomanusa Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 (edited) LOL, that was funny! why the f*#k anyone would want to double up on plates in your body armor is beyond me? Damn, the 2 7.62mm plates I was issued for my IBA in the Army were about an inch thick and added 20lbs... Edited May 4, 2008 by robomanusa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GlockSpeed31 Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 I don't know, I've seen some characters at gun shows and you think they are joking but some people are serious about this stuff.Like these , I mean operators. Here they are again http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsO6BqBvFJw...feature=related Showing off some highly desirable skills al Both of those videos, Surely these guys are not serious, are they? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shred Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 I don't know, I've seen some characters at gun shows and you think they are joking but some people are serious about this stuff.Like these , I mean operators. Here they are again http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsO6BqBvFJw...feature=related Showing off some highly desirable skills al Oooo.. the tactical somersault again! I guess actual targets aren't tactically sound enough for this sort of high-speed training.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhgtyre Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 The paper plates (or whatever they were) make it a lot easier to see them miss. Maybe the plan is that they shoot "at" you, miss, do the tactical somersault and while you are saying "WTF!" they pop up and shoot "at" you again? I know I feel safer knowing that these guys are guarding the mall. Mostly since I don't go to malls..... -ld Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-Ho Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 I think the high speed, low drag tactical mall ninja super duper somersault is a winning stategy. While the 'perp' is busy laughing his ass of the mall security operator has time (1.5-2 sec.) to reacquire the target. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kgunz11 Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 I love the "how to Eat a Snake" video. Looks tasty! RTFLMAO http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9Fek30sa4Q&feature=user Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Revopop Posted May 5, 2008 Author Share Posted May 5, 2008 (edited) If you had a frying pan, peppers, onions, and spices, wouldn't you also have some real meat on hand too? Edited May 5, 2008 by Glockopop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kgunz11 Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 If you had a frying pan, peppers, onions, and spices, couldn't you also have some real meat too? But then you wouldn't be a Mall Ninja Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Suber Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 I read this stuff a while back and was in tears then....it was absolutely hilarious!!! I still want a pair of the ninja boots....for when the mall is too crowded. That way, I won't have to wait on the escalator...I can just climb the walls to the next floor. Come to think of it...last time I was in the mall, I thought I saw a shadow moving up in the foyer as I walked in...no doubt a Mall Ninja stealthily on patrol.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-JQ- Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 Glockopop- I was in the same boat as you...heard the term...but didn't know its true origin. It was such a funny read that I had to share it even though some had seen it before. I still re-read it sometimes when I need a laugh. I can't decide if it was true or not. I have since found out that this guy is a mod on another board and his responses on that board seem to sound just like the story. Either way it makes a good read...and from where I sit everyone needs a laugh once in a while. I've even thought about making some Mall ninja t-shirts...might still. I can see him walking through the parking lot holding up armor plates next to his head... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Gwinn Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 www.coltcco.com is the original Gecko45. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay6 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 "I am a Master of three martial arts including ninjitsu, which means I can wear the special boots to climb walls. " -got to be my favorite quote. Seriously though, saving the virginity of the mayors nephew is serious business! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JKSNIPER Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 I like this line: I’ll tell you what the cops will do, call the SWAT team and screw around trying to locate the front door for 30 minutes, while you or your children are shot down like prairie dogs at a drunken machinegun shoot. NICE! JK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chemepharmd Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 I have a couple of friends that are capable of writing the mall ninja jokes just for their amusement, but you never know. Whether serious or not, it sure is hilarious. I'd hate to have any of the guys in the videos come to a match. It would be high on the priority list to point out that a roll with a loaded gun would not only send them home (all of the rolls in the videos appear to break the 180), it would also make for very unfriendly conversation. That is downright scary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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