Chills1994 Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Forget the vacuum Forget the maid cleaning surface. If I had enough time, I'd haul a$$, pull up all the carpet, and put down a prefinished wood floor. Or pergo. Then if she asked about a vacuum, I'd pull out one of those swiffer floor sweeper dealie-oh's. "A'yup, this works pretty good. You don't even have to plug it in, and it doesn't make any noise." Ha ha he he. (yeah, doing a whole house wood floor you're already living in would be a PITA, so maybe just one or two rooms). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flatland Shooter Posted January 13, 2008 Author Share Posted January 13, 2008 Two things1. I would have hired a cleaning service and not said a word. 2. Hide the new vacuum so you have it next time Edit to add: I guess Carina's husband & I think alike Brilliant. Sheer genius! Number 2 is the way to go. I'm way too cheap to go with number one and she knows it. Since she drove my truck and I loaded it with the Christmas presents I know she didn't take the vacuum cleaner with her and I'm pretty sure she didn't stash it at the neighbors, so I'm going with number 2. I'll finish cleaning the house then stash the new vacuum cleaner out behind the gunsafe. If for some reason this doesn't work as planned, then "Surprise, surprise, surprise. Look at the new vacuum cleaner I got you." Yeh, that will work. (If it don't work, I'll let you know. If it does work, I'll never mention this again.) Bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Round_Gun_Shooter Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 I told my husband your story and his comment was, "Who cares where the vacuum is? Call a maid, they bring their own." How funny would that be? She gets back with the vacuum cleaner in her trunk but the carpet is showroom fresh! You might be able to have the maid to dust, clean the kitchen, etc for the cost of a new vacuum. That is a great idea, but not what I would do I would......... Just leave it dirty, set a low standard and not much will be expected of you in the future. Who are you trying to kid, you would have gone with the Maide idea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flexmoney Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 yeah...hide the vac after making those nice little vac. lines in the carpet....then copy a "french maid" pic from the internet and make it your screen saver. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miranda Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Ah! that is a riot! I am still chuckling.... my answer to all those questions was "nope. I want you to know We MISS you!" can't live without you etc... I see it as a win-win I don't have to clean and I let her know how much I love her all in one simple sentence.... :-) good luck at the match. miranda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemo Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Knock, knock... Did you go shooting or are you bathing the dogs? Hurry up... She's comin'... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
North Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Wow, this is too good. Don't keep us in suspense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kingman Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 that is awesome, btw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveU Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Maybe the maid can find the vacuum.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skywalker Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Chances are that the vacuum broke the last time she used it, she trashed it without informing you, and now she's putting you at trial ... this is the way a feminine mind works ... ... at least this is the way my wife's mind works ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flexmoney Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Not Safe For Work I'm not sure how this ties in with this thread...but it does (I guess there is no sweeping the floors going on here either) Funny as hell. Moderators, if you find this offensive, please delete. (<<<< I always find it funny when people say that when they post something they probably shouldn't. Is that like going to confession? ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisStock Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Buy a new vacuum...tell her it is her early birthday present. Buddy That sounds like sure fire directions for a one way trip to either divorce court or the boneyard. I hope you can pull out of this one intact..good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flatland Shooter Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 An update. Dogs are washed. "Check" House is cleaned and expertly vacuumed. "Check" The new Vacuum Cleaner is stashed in garage. "Check" And the last step, I create a diversion. (This is what separates the "soon to be single" from the "still married and able to afford shooting.) The Eagle has landed and we are successful. The little lady is home. The first thing she see when she walks in the door? Clean house? ... No. Clean dogs? ... No. Me shaved and showered? ... Not even a close. A dozen red roses and a nice "Welcome Home" card? Yes!!! All is right with the world and I can sleep well not concerned about my safety. All this, and now I have to deal with the new gun I bought from DT1. Made the deal when I thought she was staying in Oklahoma for another week. I was certain it would be here before she showed up, but what the heck. She's dealing with the "Flatland Shooter, Master of the Universe". (I will now savor the sweet taste of success. At least for the next 5 minutes or so.) Bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vluc Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Where was the vacuum? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flatland Shooter Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 Where was the vacuum? Don't know, didn't ask. Starting tomorrow the sole responsibility for the welfare of the carpet will be returned to the little lady. Which gives me pause for thought. What if, after her extended absence she no longer remembers where she put the vacuum? Dang vluc, why did you have to rain on my parade. My 5 minutes as "master of the universe" is over. I secede the throne. Bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j2fast Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 (edited) This entire thread is definitely recommended reading for any newly married man or those who just haven't figured it out. Special emphasis should be given to the diversion towards the end; this is a sign of someone truly at the top of their game. I used a similar method just today when my wife got home from work. She looked at me and sighed; I had no idea what I had or had not done to warrant such a response so I blurted out "I know, work was just non-stop today so I haven't had time to empty the dishwasher today.". While what she was actually referring to was the fact that for the 800th time I had ignored the fact that kitchen garbage can had sat all day with no bag and she now had to get a bag to throw away trash she had in her hand. In reality I knew the can was bag-less which is why I used the can in my office all day.... The end result which could have been "can't you put a bag in the can dumbass" turned into "Oh, I understand, I really would appreciate it if you did that later." So 10 minutes of emptying the dishwasher while watching PTI will save much grief over my in ability to put a bag in the can over the last 6 years..... Edited January 14, 2008 by j2fast Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SA Friday Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Call me crazy, but isn't it just easier to choose a wife that won't put you through these tests? Wait a minute. What the hell am I saying? Disregard... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miranda Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 marry the right one.... marry the right one... I have no idea how I have stayed married. I cook... occasionally vacum ... occasionally I think I tell jokes a lot.... get her to laugh and I am off the hook most times. take home flowers and get aaack! now what have you done ?!?!? marry the right one... v Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nik Habicht Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Call me crazy, but isn't it just easier to choose a wife that won't put you through these tests?Wait a minute. What the hell am I saying? Disregard... Yes, life is much easier with the right partner....... ....at least we don't disagree over little stuff like garbage can liners, vacuuming (I'll vacuum when I can buy one with a silencer), cooking, shopping, or laundry (I can manage all three....) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Round_Gun_Shooter Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Call me crazy, but isn't it just easier to choose a wife that won't put you through these tests?Wait a minute. What the hell am I saying? Disregard... Yes, life is much easier with the right partner....... A lot like Bridge, if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bgary Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 this is a sign of someone truly at the top of their game. I dunno... ... she goes away for a month ... she expects him to do housework while she's gone ... she lays traps to see if he really does ... she takes his *truck* (!!!!) ... and... he's worried about "not getting busted". With all due respect, sounds pretty "whipped" to me B (the flower-diversion was a stroke of genius, though!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flatland Shooter Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 this is a sign of someone truly at the top of their game. I dunno... ... she goes away for a month ... she expects him to do housework while she's gone ... she lays traps to see if he really does ... she takes his *truck* (!!!!) ... and... he's worried about "not getting busted". With all due respect, sounds pretty "whipped" to me B (the flower-diversion was a stroke of genius, though!) ... she goes away for a month ------------ Yup. ... she expects him to do housework while she's gone ------------ Which didn't get done! ... she lays traps to see if he really does ------------ Dodged the bullet, still not busted. ... she takes his *truck* (!!!!) ------------ But I got hers (much nicer than mine). ... and... he's worried about "not getting busted". -------------- After 29 years of putting up with me. What can I say. Your view is "whipped" while my view is "still married and able to afford shooting." Bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walter hornby Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 hide the new vacuum for next time. don't say a word. everthing is normal as far as you are concerned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bgary Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Your view is "whipped" while my view is "still married and able to afford shooting." <laughing> fair enough. I just had a gut reaction in there somewhere... you don't *mess* with a man's *truck*!!! Bruce PS - I have a friend who, when he first got married, did everything he was asked to, but as *badly* as it could possibly be done. Laundry? Dishes? Vacuuming? Somehow, something got ruined or destroyed every time he "helped". By the end of the first year, she never asked for help anymore inside the house anymore, leaving him to do the outside things (which he enjoys). They've been married 25 years, and they're as happy as clams. Something worth learning, there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Meek Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I had a friend tell me this one.... For Christmas one year he bought his wife a gun that he really liked (read for himself). She opened the present and was very appreciative of the thought. She bought for him on his birthday the next year a SEWING Machine!!!!!! He never made that mistake again Alan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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