Rikarin Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Hello Hope I am not flooding the board. Just having bad period I like shooting because it is competition with myself. I enjoy doing problem solving and constantly improving myself. As a result, I started to place myself in top 5 in the division, sometimes shooting better than people 2 classes up. But for me, this is the proof of how I am improving rather than who I beaten. Then problem started to happen. Guys I have beaten started to asking me "what was your points?" to see if he did better than me. When I have a bad stage, so many people decide to be experts and trying to criticize me in disguise as "help". (and usually a wrong technique too). Then, some are like "I want you to be the high lady at next match! This girl always win but you can beat her!". Now, it became so much about other people's match. I don't like this. I am seriously thinking about listening to iPod during the match so that no one will talk to me and I can isolate myself, so that I can just concentrate about me. But a my first big match is coming up in 2 weeks and I am now so pressured to perform, already nervous, and I am almost certain I would tense up!!! How are your experience dealing this kind of stuff? How not get pressured and nervous facing a big match???? I certainly re-start ( I am slacking) meditation everyday, but anything else??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulW Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 First off don't let what they say get to you or they will try to eat you alive. Second, focus on what's important and let your performance speak for itself. Laugh with them and then kick their asses!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zhunter Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 With all do respect, no one makes you tense, you allow your self to be tense. You give yourself permission to feel emotions. That is a VERY brief synopsis of controling your own emotions. The bottom line is: Things/others bother you with your permission! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eerw Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 That's the tough thing..especially when you are starting out and getting better...people start paying attention.. Its like most thing..confidence in your own abilities and not giving into self-doubt. Shooting is a pretty mechanical thing..by training you raise your physical ability and your sub concious and concious mind do the rest.. All the rest is chatter..your first big match..you probably will be nervous and tense..try an focus that energy into positive things.. If I find I am nervous at a match...I will try and go off and run some wind sprints..to try and dispel that negative energy..at the load and make ready..I take some cleansing breathes and work on my mental rehearsal of shooting the stage. If I find I cannot shake that dump of adrenaline and am still nervouse..I tell my self..see the dot, pull the trigger.. the tough part is that it is something you cannot turn off and on..you deal with it..and as long as you are doing well, improving..people will ask..how will you shoot it, don't let them beat you, you can win this match if you do well..it is people's nature to do that.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharyn Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Rikarin, at times it's harder than others, but... just shoot your game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XRe Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Ah, the mind game I think ladies have it harder, here - the guys are always trying to "help" in this fashion. Some of them really do mean well... The male ego is a fragile thing - and most guys just can't take being beaten by a girl - or even the mere *thought* of it. Two things to realize - you can set boundaries in your interactions with others, and only you can set performance goals and expectations for yourself. You can politely but firmly ask others to not offer you unsolicited feedback ("help") during the match - if they persist, you can be less polite Perhaps tell them something like "I appreciate your willingness to help - but I already have a relationship with a teacher and we are working on strengthening various areas of my game. It would help me to stay focused on the things we're working on, and not confuse it with additional information at this point." Tailor it to suit your personality As far as goals and expectations, etc - only you can set those. Other people can want what they want. Only you can allow yourself to feel pressure based on their expectations. It may very well help you to sit down and develop a set of goals based around your performance desires. If you have them already, perhaps it's a good time to review and expand upon them. If you have a mental "void" on this, it's easy for other people's goals for you to sneak in and take up space in your mind - and cause you this anxiety. If you have a full set of goals (ie, dream goals down to small incremental improvement goals), you can focus on them and never feel pressure from other people's wants and desires. This allows you to counteract the negative self-talk, the fear of failure, and the resulting performance anxiety that you're feeling. Some work on self-talk will also help - when you feel those anxious feelings popping up, talk yourself through them, realize where they come from, and then give yourself a positive affirmation about them. Those guys are nervous about you cause you're *beating* them There's good stuff there for you to use - just dig it up. There are several good books out there on the mind game. Take a look in the Recommended Resources section.... Use the iPod if it helps you. I've never tried that route myself. What works best for me is to just focus on my own game, and not pay attention to what others do. I try to joke around and have fun in between periods of attention, to keep the spirit light. BTW - you can turn this little mind game around on them, if you want to (though it can be prone to backfire). That puts the power back in your court. If they don't let up, start walking up to them and tell *them* what you shot, and what they have to beat. Start asking them how *they* did. Remind them how good they need to do right before they go shoot the stage. Start correcting *their* stage errors after the fact. This can, in turn, cause you to put more pressure on yourself - thus the backfire. Some might consider this a "jerk" thing to do - but, if they don't get the friendly request to leave you alone, they get what they get.... IMHO... Now go kick their butts!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.Hayden Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Sometimes it can be innocent chatter too. Especially if they shoot with you often. On Sunday, Stage 3 (of this same match), while we were doing the walkthrough, I was looking at the plate rack, and mentioned to a 6-shot revolver shooter, "That's bad, you can't afford to miss.." and instantly regreted it, I was not trying to be malicious.. have to watch that stuff. I really hope it didn't bother the shooter, but it'll stick with me. It was abnormally bad for the revo shooters already, being a 45 round stage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carinab Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Easier said for a guy then a gal, Z. Telling a women to not have an emotional reaction is like asking her not to breath. You can't help but to have feelings. Holding onto a reaction is where you run into trouble. I will react but then I will determine if my reaction is appropriate and reflects what is real. If not, then I let it go completely. If it still won't leave, I grab another emotion that is stronger to eliminate the first. For example, anger is stronger than fear. You don't act externally with anger, yelling and so on. This is an internal thought process. Let me see if I can explain it more clearly. I've been in the unpleasant situation where an entire squad of men didn't want me there. Some were outright hostile and they were the easiest to ignore when they played head games. Some were more subtle, they don't mind you being there so long as you aren't beating them. As soon as you do, the ally becomes the enemy (offering bad advice is one of the usual tricks). Intimidation is another tool they use. While you may initally react with fear (fear of being disliked, excluded, etc), reality is that you BELONG there and have just a much right to do your best as everyone else. So fear isn't an appropriate response. If realizing this doesn't eliminate the nagging doubt, get angry. Think to yourself, "How dare you treat me this way? I belong here. You need to get used to losing to me because I plan on staying." Then be strong and be tough. The men who are worth anything will respect you and then come to your defense equalizing the pecking order. If there is a particular person who always gives you a hassle, call him on it. And the more men this happens in front of the better. Particularly effective is the question, "Why do you feel the need to insult me?" or "Why do you talk down to me?" Then matter of factly explain that you don't appreciate it and that it isn't helpful - Be sure to smile and be sugar sweet while doing this. The violator can only respond in the negative, "I didn't mean to insult you." If he responds in the positive ("Because I wanted to make you feel badly"), he makes himself look like a jerk. The other "good" guys that witness this discussion will generally put this guy in his place should he start doing it again. Building your confidence is truly the way to go to eliminate the effects of head games and match nerves. Determine what it is that will make you feel most confident i.e. eliminate the weaknesses from your shooting so that when you look at a course of fire, nothing is intimidating. When you believe in yourself, any attempts someone makes to screw up your game become useless. And, when it doesn't have it's intended effect, the person playing the head game becomes even more insecure as a bonus. Take it as a compliment. If you weren't so good, no one would bother to play head games! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shooter Grrl Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 While not exactly about not letting others get into your head, this thread here has some AWESOME advice - that I needed to hear again after this weekend!!! http://www.brianenos.com/forums/index.php?...l=nervous&st=25 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shooter Grrl Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Good response Carina! I'm ecstatic to know that my thoughts on the guys aren't singularly mine. For a long time, I thought I was really doing something wrong. My husband finally sat me down and explained the male ego to me THAT was an enlightening conversation. Rikarin - unfortunately all you can really do is rise above it. I have the best fake "i'm listening to you and you're interesting" face that anybody has ever seen. It's a self defense mechanism! Hmmm - another one of the girls was having the same problems, we had decided we were gonna buy shirts that said "Just STFU unless your name is Robbie, Todd, Brian or Coach!" We really do need those Damn helpful men! What's worse, is that they really think they're helping! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nik Habicht Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 But a my first big match is coming up in 2 weeks and I am now so pressured to perform, already nervous, and I am almost certain I would tense up!!! How are your experience dealing this kind of stuff? How not get pressured and nervous facing a big match???? I certainly re-start ( I am slacking) meditation everyday, but anything else??? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> After four years of majors (15 plus 2 Nationals) iIstill get worked up at major matches. I think I've mostly figured out why, though. At local matches, I'm most relaxed when shooting, and it seems easy to shoot my plan. I'm either match directing or building a stage, I'm involved in ROing shooters, or manning the clipboard, taping or resetting steel. Usually I have only a few minutes to make my plan --- and because there's so little time and I'm chatting with friends, I often don't see how others shoot the stage. I'm calm --- I know these particular pits, I've played here for years, this is my sandbox, these are my friends! At majors, because the squads are often larger (15-16 at Nats) and because there's a competent and efficient staff, I have more time to see other people shoot the stage. Because we're spending an hour on one stage, I've got more time to second guess my plan ---- especially if I'm far down in the order. These are not my pits --- they're a little strange, the stage design's a little different, as is the ROing. There's new people on the squad, including impressive forum members --- and sometimes I can't help remembering that when Flexmoney and I found this board, at about the same time, we were both C-class shooters. Since then he's practiced --- and I haven't. I've spent significant energy to be here --- certainly more than it takes to go to a club match. It's simply not home. I know that for my personality, I need to treat larger matches like club matches. I need to develop the familiarity required for contempt. I need to be able to walk up to any stage, kick it's tires and know that I've seen this before, in some variation, and that I can do this easily, cleanly, efficiently, and (in homage to Anderson's words on our first NATS stage) precisely. Your personality may have different requirements --- I know that GM Jake DiVita has said that he treats every club match as if it were the Nationals --- but you just need to figure out what you need and how to put yourself in that mental place. I'm pretty well convinced that you can't think yourself there --- you have to allow yourself to feel it....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nik Habicht Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 We really do need those Damn helpful men! What's worse, is that they really think they're helping! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> On second thought --- just listen to Carina and Kath. They may have understood the gist of your question in a way that I could never comprehend...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeFoley Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Relax, shoot for fun the way you know how to, and don't let anyone get inside your head. Focus on the job at hand, the targets, the sights, how much fun you are having. It is a huge compliment when people 2 classes higher are interested in your time or points, take it at that and do what you know how to do, shoot. Answer their questions, "oh I don't know", or oh "I don't recall", or "it was alright", "it was OK". You may even say "I was having so much fun I didn't notice." Everyone who is serious about improving and does has this happen to them, it is how you let affect your shooting that will determine the outcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shred Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 There will always be pressure-- see BE's wonderful Steel Challenge quote about "do this on your first string and you won't be able to jackhammer a needle up your..." Dealing with it is key. Lots of good advice already on handling it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharyn Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 ok, I have to chime in again... A lot of good advice has already been given. I just want to add that it really is going to be a personal solution that fits your personality. I think I deal with the situations with a mix of what the other ladies have said. Yes, some guys you just have to be bold and up front and nothing short of "leave me alone!" will work. However, I'm learning that it's much less irritating when I just don't say anything at all. I put on the smile and the "yes I'm listening" face and nod at appropriate intervals. Deliberate and distinct change of conversation topic can work well too. Don't argue with the bullies, it will only get worse. Also, don't try to "explain" your way out of it ("but I'm working on this today." or "but my coach told me this..."). All of 'them' know better than you AND your coach. Adding any information to the discussion will only give them more to "teach" you about. No need to bother and turn around to give them advice... unless you have time to waste. Try to surround yourself with good, positive people... especially at big matches. Squad with someone you know and feel comfortable with. Well... this is where I'm at with it, anyhow. I have a lot to learn. Don't let them get to you. Just do your thang, girlfrieeend... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XRe Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 I put on the smile and the "yes I'm listening" face and nod at appropriate intervals. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Don't forget about batting your eyelashes, too..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ong45 Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Rikarin, Unfortunately , interacting with fellow shooters ( well meaning or not ) is part of the game. This sometimes heckling back and forth is what i enjoy most about being with my friends (?) Think about this as mental training , if you can ignore me you can ignore anything The match should NEVER be about what someone else is doing, how someone else is shooting or whether you think you measure up. Observe and learn , and when it's your turn to shoot pay attention to what you are doing. In the end that's all we are there to do. Waitaminute i hope all that advice that didn't sound condescending James Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharyn Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Don't forget about batting your eyelashes, too..... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> LOL!!! I reserve that tactic for when I need something fixed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carinab Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Don't argue with the bullies, it will only get worse. Also, don't try to "explain" your way out of it ("but I'm working on this today." or "but my coach told me this..."). All of 'them' know better than you AND your coach. Adding any information to the discussion will only give them more to "teach" you about. No need to bother and turn around to give them advice... unless you have time to waste. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Have to agree with these two points...Arguing doesn't get it....neither does making an explaination... To clarify about calling the recurring heckler on his actions, don't argue or be rude. Actually, you want to be as sweet as possible. The idea is to disarm their hostility and give them no where to go. Here's an example: Guy (in snide tone): Hey nice run, for a girl. Have you thought about moving your magazines? You might be able to get to them easier if they're not so close to your chest. Gal (acting surprised): Wow! Did you really mean to be so abrasive? You seem like a really nice guy (said earnestly not sarcastically). Guy: I was only kidding around. Lighten up. Gal: I guess I don't know you well enough to tell when you are joking or not. I'm sorry but that didn't seem like a friendly thing to say. Have I done something to make you dislike me? Guy: No, not really. Gal: Good because I need all the friends I can get! I promise I won't make fun of you if you don't make fun of me. <wink> You've said nothing argumentative. You've only defined a boundary line - he now knows he can't say certain things without appearing unfriendly and abrasive. And if you do this in front of other people, he now has to maintain civility or risk the group thinking he's a jerk...in other words, you make the peer pressure to your advantage. Now if he answers that he disklikes you, categorize him as a twit and ignore anything he does or says. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.carden Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Rika, You need to CHILL-OUT (relax)!!! This came is about competition of the highest level. MOSTLY with yourself. You've made that obvious in your reply above. Everything you hear during a match about comparing your "time-score" what ever to others, is part of the game. They see how you "do" and want to do better, REGARDLESS of gender. I was in your squad and thought you shot great. I also made comments about your strong "desire" to improve and your dedication. You are extremely fun to watch and can definetly "move" through the stage. Faster than my fat-ass. If you remember, I was the REVOLVER shooter. The first thing before the match started, I was reminded by "everyone" that stage 3 was a 45rd'er, lots of reloads, do you have enough ammo carriers, your fingers gonna get tired, you need a conveyor belt to move your ammo around your waist, you cant miss the plate rack or you'll need to reload, 9 reloads, why do you shoot that gun anyway??? Because I like to!! On top of all that, my revo malf'ed and i left with 3 DNF stages. So I dont know what your complaining about!!!! Rika, leave the iPod at home, your blowing this out of context. Those people on your squad are as good "nice" as it gets. We shoot together every match we hook-up on. I saw you blow shots, miss reloads etc. Sure! your going to hear comments, but deal with it and move-on. Dont make it seem like the rest of us are "picking on you". We're not!! Thats "not" what we're about. And thats "unfair". See you Sat at practice "OK". (smile) it's only a game Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharyn Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Dan, her viewpoint is valid, regardless of how you see it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carinab Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 In Rika's defense - she wasn't accusing anyone of picking on her. That was us (the other women) who mentioned how to handle it when it does happen because we know sooner or later she will run in to it. She was just asking for advice how to deal with the over-helpful folks without being rude and how to get over match nerves. It's very easy to feel like the outsider when you're the only woman there -regardless of how supportive everyone is. And I'll bet just because the discussion has wandered in this direction, she may feel badly - even though she had nothing to do with it. Don't sweat it Rika. If he re-reads the thread, he'll realize it was the other women folk being unfair! Just an insight for you men folk....While discussing points and time is par for the course for the guys, the ladies squad doesn't do it. If done poorly, it looks like a mind game. This is one of the bigger differences between men and women. Most guys jockey for position, most women almost fight to be equal because they are hardwired to belong within the group. There is a really great book called "You Just Don't Understand" by DEBORAH TANNEN. It looks at the communication styles of men and women and how they differ. The ladies team I was on bought it for our male coach. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.carden Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 No further comment!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
short_round Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 "do you have enough ammo carriers"<{POST_SNAPBACK}> That line was mine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.carden Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Yes i did , BARELY!!! Glad i did'nt drop one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now