Gameplayer Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 As of June of last year (when we moved into our new home), my next door neighbors have been visited by law enforcement over six times for domestic disputes. This last time resulted in a one year prison sentence for the husband. He has drinking, anger and controlling issues. She wants him back! What is wrong with these people! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
austinkroe Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 See the documentary/movie "Crazy Love" or google it for a synopsis. We have been talking about spousal abuse in one for my classes at law school for some time now and it still makes no sense to me. Also, many times it can lead to one of the parties murdering the other. The human mind is an odd thing and battered spouses only confuse the issue more. It is too bad you have to witness this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocket35 Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 That just plain sucks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AWLAZS Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 I have had cases get settled because the spouse decided not to cooperate anymore. They love him or her and want them back. It make a tough job tougher Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DougCarden Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Some advice to mull over....you may be doing it already......Whatever you do, DONT get involved with them other than wave Hi....Dont listen to either of them rattle on about the other, and try to convince your wife not to be the "run to" person for the woman. I have seen a lot of neighbors really suffer for trying to help because they are good people..... These people for whatever reason should not be together, and until something breaks the circle of violence for the female half and she DECIDES to leave and do whatever it takes to be free of the Male half, it aint gonna change...... This is from 15yrs of experience dealing with the same people all the time.... Good luck with the neighbors.... DougC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ofcrfs242 Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 (edited) I recently had a case in where one spouse stabbed the other. Large kitchen knife went in approximately 3 inches into the abdoman. The victim was adimant about prosecuting for the first week. The victim later came in and told me that everything in his/her first statement was a lie and that it was an "accident" So the suspect got off scott free and the DA's office filed on the victim for false report. ETA: This is the sixth arrest made over domestic violence between these two. But they "love each other." Don't get involved in this. If you see or hear it happening by all means call the law you could be saving someone's life. Other than that stay as far away as possible. Edited February 22, 2008 by ofcrfs242 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Keen Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 How many times have you seen an episode of "COPS" where they are draggin' the husband/BF off in handcuffs for DV and the girl is screaming "Please don't take him away. I love him" ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Santiago Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 How many times have you seen an episode of "COPS" where they are draggin' the husband/BF off in handcuffs for DV and the girl is screaming "Please don't take him away. I love him" ??? Domestic disputes were the calls my cousin hated the most when he was a cop in NYC. They'd be cuffing the husband when the wife would turn on them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlamoShooter Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 just stay clear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flatland Shooter Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 These people for whatever reason should not be together, and until something breaks the circle of violence for the female half and she DECIDES to leave and do whatever it takes to be free of the Male half, it aint gonna change...... A while back I hired a new department secretary. As secretarys goes, shes was top notch. Then she brought "into the office" all the details of the battering she was taking. It first started with the other ladies in her department. Then spread to anyone and everyone that would give her the time to listen. By the time I learned about it, her problems were pretty much known company wide. It hurt morale and decreased department productivity. Since she was not yet married, I took it upon myself to get her a similar position with our company in a different state. We arranged transportation and an advance on salary so that she could get a new start. Her response? "I can't leave him, I love him." "Are you sure you won't change your mind?" "I can't leave him, I love him." "I'm sorry to hear that. Due to the effect your problems are having on others here at work, we no longer have a position for you." Instead of flack from others in the office, 100% were in agreement that she not only had a very abusive boyfriend, but she had problems that only she could overcome. Bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bountyhunter Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 I have had cases get settled because the spouse decided not to cooperate anymore. They love him or her and want them back. It make a tough job tougher My dad was LE for a long time. He said the last time he got cut was when they responded to a scene where a guy was beating his wife half to death. So, they pulled him off her and while theyw ere fighting to get him under control, she went and got a knife and started attacking my dad for "taking her man"... I don't know what you can do with people who seem to want to be abused. Unless they can ever make up their mind to leave, they will just keep getting beat on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ima45dv8 Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 Not too long ago I had an occasion to counsel one of my nieces in this area. I explained to her that her boyfriend, after showing some recent signs of emotional abuse, might (and in my mind, WILL) graduate to the physical variety. If it happens, she's to call the police immediately for two reasons: 1) Stats show that dealing with large, surly men with badges and guns as a result of the first transgression goes a long ways towards preventing repeat performances. It's a good way to break/stop the cycle dead in it's tracks. Being allowed to get away with it even one time empowers the miscreant to feel it's OK to escalate to violence whenever their childish needs/wants/desires are not fulfilled. 2) It would prevent a large, surly man from the town I live from having to make bail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 Sorry, but I have no patience whatsoever for abusers or the irrationally abused. It is blatantly and unquestionably logical that if someone is beating on you, you should escape... and not ever give the abuser a second chance. For any reason. Period. Anything less is sheer idiocy. All the local LEOs I've ever spoken with hate "domestic dispute" calls the most because they're often weapon-wielding, anger-unmanaged, irrational-as-hell situations that defy logic and sensibility. They're some of the most dangerous police calls there are, too--other than a traffic stop at night with a stolen car full of gun-toting, probation-violating drug dealers. It's all bad. But the "domestics" give the cops here the cringes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Keen Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 I ask you ..... Idiocy ? Or some sort of mental disease ? Or perhaps just a fear of the unknown (starting a new life away from said abuser) ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ima45dv8 Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 I ask you ..... Idiocy ? Or some sort of mental disease ? Or perhaps just a fear of the unknown (starting a new life away from said abuser) ??? All of the above I suspect. If allowed to run it's course unimpeded, will almost always end in tragedy of some sort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gameplayer Posted February 23, 2008 Author Share Posted February 23, 2008 Some advice to mull over....you may be doing it already......Whatever you do, DONT get involved with them other than wave Hi....Dont listen to either of them rattle on about the other, and try to convince your wife not to be the "run to" person for the woman. Unfortunately my wife and I did on the last dispute (the one that sent him to prison). He called me just to be a witness while he gathered his things to leave. She called my wife for support. Now we are both there trying to keep things civilized. That is the first time I ever had to get between a man and woman (hopefully the last). The words that were coming out of his mouth just floored me. This was going on while their 4 year old little girl was in their home. I got her out of there as quick as I could and she stayed with us that night while the neighbor stayed at a friends house. The neighbor still comes to visit my wife almost everyday. I have lost all respect for her. I can't even be in the same room that she is in. When she calls I don't answer the phone and when she comes to the door I don't open it. My wife has explained to her why. As for him, I know he needs help, but like her, I have lost all respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Keen Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 Long ago, I once heard the expression that "people never change", and in my experience it has always been true. Sad ... but true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GentlemanJim Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 What an ugly situation!! Sorry you are in the middle of it Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Gundry Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 What an ugly situation!!Sorry you are in the middle of it Jim +1 While I understand that the women typically have some serious issues with dealing with that situation, I don't think anyone should have to deal with it in the first place - I can't even fathom how some men can abuse their spouse. Unless she lands one helluva punch, there's not much a woman can do to make me even want to retaliate - other than a good restraining. Some serious punishment or a REALLY good beating is in order for the men who initiate spousal abuse... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry White Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 I have a ex sisterinlaw who is on husband #4 or 5 and all have been abusers. Makes you wonder. I always thought she and each and every one of them deserved each other. That, at least, for a little while kept two other people from being miserable.-------------Larry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 Weird co-dependencies can occur more often than we realize... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DBeck77 Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 I ask you ..... Idiocy ? Or some sort of mental disease ? Or perhaps just a fear of the unknown (starting a new life away from said abuser) ??? I wish I knew, I have been observing my identical twin brother (the ugly one) being abused by his wife of nearly 25 years for the last 4 years. She is suffering from delusional jealousy and basically watches him and tries to control him nearly 24 hours a day. She has ruined our family relationship and is getting worse with every passing month. She won't go to counseling again because the counselor told her she was sick and wrong to do what she is doing. Drugs didn't work and my brother won't make the hard step of moving on, supposedly because they have kids that are 9,16, and 19. The kids are totally screwed up, they don't have a clue how normal male/female relationships should be. He is always being accused of "looking" at women. Hell all men look at women don't we? I wish he would kick her ass to the curb but so far he just whines about it. David Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ima45dv8 Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 When I was young there was a wierd guy we worked with in Houston ~1980-81. A tall, skinny, weakly-looking fella who would gladly stop and tell you about the space ship he was building in his attic (attic?! - he lived in an apartment building FerChristsSake!). The story he would readily tell was that he had been abducted by alien beings, subsequently released, and was awaiting the return of his captors. He said that upon their return (which would be signified by an alert only certain privileged persons would receive), he would use said craft (of their design) to rise up and join them for the trip back to their homeland. It seemed like he couldn't wait to go. All-in-all, while very different, he was a nice and pleasant man. His wife was a large, "robust" woman who had tired of the story and his general strangeness. He used to show up at work regularly with black eyes and bruises - apparent signs of a severe ass-whuppin'. We would tease him and poke fun at him about it, and he would joke along with us. A few years later I matured enough to realize what jerks we were, and that he didn't deserve that treatment no matter how strange he seemed. I'm ashamed to this day that we didn't rat out his abusive wife for the regular doses of pain and humiliation she heaped on him. He was no less a victim than any female I've ever seen or heard of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSMITH Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 First time, shame on him/her. Second time? Nope, no sympathy at all. They KNEW it was coming and wouldn't do anything about it. I will stop it if I see it or call the law if I suspect it no matter what, but I don't have ANY sympathy at all for the 'victim' in second or more situations. The more I learn about people the more I like my dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johann the Horrible Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 While LEO became actively involved in pro-active spouse abuse issues. I was member of a group that did "role playing" to teach people about spouse abuse. One such "session" was attended by my wife. As I was playing the abuser it took her completely by surprise. It was a long and quiet trip home in the car that night. As we got home she just remarked- you better leave that character you were portraying at work because at home he will get shot the first night. My wife is about a foot and 40 kg`s lighter than me but she has a a fridge magnet that goes "I have PMS and a gun- any questions?" My best advice after 20 years as a LEO- keep away from this as far as you can. Most of these people does not want to get helped so you cannot help them. I know that it sounds like a very "un-christian" thing to say but that is my experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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