You can't pick your family

[KentG]

I hate being seen as the bad guy because I expect family to have some sense of character. I have a twentyish family member who has had a spotty record with me and the truth. Thought she had grown up some and needed a dog sitter Christmas eve from 8 pm to about 8 AM. She doesn't have a car or a decent job so left my truck, gave her money and run of the house. She took good care of the dogs. I only stipulated one thing, no one else at the house. I was implying one other person in particular, a sibling and got a cross my heart I wont thing. Well i got lied to since I have a keystroke logger and a security cam on DVR. The one person who is persona non grata at my home was brought right in. I discovered it last night and raised hell with the wife , pretty much told the liar she isn't welcome and they all think I'm the bad guy.

Why do people think they can lie and do whatever to family and why do some family always condone it.

I HATE LIARS AND LOWLIFE FAMILY MEMBERS!!

There are members here I have never met face to face and you just know they are honorable and trustworthy.

I feel better after venting here.

[Merlin Orr]

A couple here for you...

It is better to be hated for what you are then to be loved for what you are not.

At the end of the day, if they hate you, then **** forget them.

[Mbauer67]

That is very unfortunate, I learned a little while ago that some people have no concept of honor or respect. and not matter how many chances you give them, they never get it.

I am doing everything in my power to teach my children just how important these things are. In hopes that they understand.

[AlamoShooter]

I share your feeling

If at some point you can find a way to think of it as "just a disappointment" you may have an essayer life.

I think a persons Honesty is directly effected by their self respect. If a person with out self respect is honest they are only honest out of fear.

[Canuck223]

I feel your pain.

My only trivial observation about your families reaction is this;

Either they have similar values, and quietly know they would have done the same in her shoes, OR

They see her flaws and condone them, so your reaction is alien...

Fugetabout it. You have to live in your skin, and answer to the guy in the mirror.

[donnyglock]

Man I feel your pain on this one. I had to throw my wifes twin drunken sister out of my house on Christmas. She made all my guests so uncomfortable then got into it with my twelve year old. I figure this will at least get me out of spending new years with the waste of space.

Edited December 29, 2011 by donnyglock

[KentG]

A couple here for you...

It is better to be hated for what you are then to be loved for what you are not.

At the end of the day, if they hate you, then **** forget them.

The first one is the attitude that keeps me going. Thanks. I wish I could find that as a poster or such and Id hang it on a wall in my man cave.

[smokshwn]

Sorry to hear that....I have a few of the same stories but none of recent history due to several "housecleanings" in the past.

It's not so concerning that a previous liar lied again to hang around with another of similar low moral character. However the fact that your wife doesn't see the problem would be a huge issue for me.

[KentG]

Sorry to hear that....I have a few of the same stories but none of recent history due to several "housecleanings" in the past.

It's not so concerning that a previous liar lied again to hang around with another of similar low moral character. However the fact that your wife doesn't see the problem would be a huge issue for me.

She knows but is one of those who goes to bat for family to a fault. She is also a person who wants to think that people will improve. There are other issues but I just f*#kING hate it when lowlife family bleeds over into my life so to speak. I have a douchbag brother who stole my parents retirement and I dont even know where he is in the country now. He will pay for his misdeads in the next world. Thankfully I do have a sister who is normal and has a great family that makes up for it.

Im one of the people who give family about one extra chance over other people but will cut you off at the knees if your dirt. I know people Id trust with my life and have family who would steal the pennies out of a dead mans eyes. I guess the holidays do this. My mother in law, a great woman, is the ONLY reason I even hold my nose and go to family dinners with them. At least some of the good folks here have similar issues. This is why I like Halloween. Spend it with people you like and no gifts. When my mother in law passes we have already decided to spend the holidays the traditional way, in Vegas or the Keys.

[smokshwn]

Took a very long time and many experiences before I realized that, blood or not, the only people who belonged in my life were those people who were the type of person who made me want to be better. People who demonstrated those great traits (honesty, integrity, honor, courage) that I could challenge myself to be more like them. Needless to say my "family" is great and I wouldn't change it back for the blood I cut loose in the past.

[Flexmoney]

The first one is the attitude that keeps me going. Thanks. I wish I could find that as a poster or such and Id hang it on a wall in my man cave.

Print one of these out. Have it framed up nice.

http://www.google.com/search?q=It+is+better+to+be+hated+for+what+you+are+then+to+be+loved+for+what+you+are+not.&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=en&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=tnv8TvekEs6e-Qa548meAQ&biw=1280&bih=911&sei=uXv8TqyRH4Xm-gbuuLWCBw

[pastorjohnd]

I feel for you, my dad is a parole officer & I’m a pastor which makes us the black sheep of the family to some of my cousins. My dad copes by avoiding them at family reunions, I cope by avoiding family reunions. The funny thing about principles is that sometimes they make you feel like you’re standing alone, even though you’re not really alone.

[strongbow67]

I feel for you my oldest brother is a huge douche who sponges off my widowed mother.

[Nate]

Amen brother.

[latewatch]

That's one of the things about the holiday season. It serves as a reminder as to why we haven't seen most of our relatives since last year.

[jar]

Took a very long time and many experiences before I realized that, blood or not, the only people who belonged in my life were those people who were the type of person who made me want to be better. People who demonstrated those great traits (honesty, integrity, honor, courage) that I could challenge myself to be more like them. Needless to say my "family" is great and I wouldn't change it back for the blood I cut loose in the past.

I remember reading something somewhere about how you're the average of the five people with whom you spend the most time.

[tracker]

This same sort of thing was a very big issue in my previous marriage. The ex always said "but they are family". Ok, so they are. I refused to attent family "gatherings" any more. Then the poo poo hit the fan.

I was not going to spend holidays with a bunch of people who bickered and despised each other. And who would bad mouth those who were not present. I was in my late 20's at the time, and always had designated seating at the "kids" table for large holiday dinners at the in-laws.......the ex's response "oh, its just dad being dad"

[laz2011]

That sucks.But you are not alone.I don't speak to some of my family members for the same reason.

I some one lies to you they don't have any respect for you,or them self.Stick to your guns.

[BillD]

I've got a sister I haven't talked to in at least 8 years. As far as I'm concerned, I don't have a sister.

[Carlos]

That's one of the things about the holiday season. It serves as a reminder as to why we haven't seen most of our relatives since last year.

Thoughtful response; that one hit home for me.

OP: as you said, you cannot pick your family. I've had to remind myself of that a lot recently.