Jasonub Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 CALIFORNIANS So as to not be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, you know you're from California if: 1. Your co-worker has 8 body piercings and none are visible. 2. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English. 3. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze. 4. You can't remember . . is pot illegal? 5. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor. 6. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian. 7. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal? 8. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears. 9. A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast. 10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the US. 11. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps, and you don't even notice. 12. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 AM at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney. 13. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment. 14. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into S&M, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag. 15. You can't remember . . is pot illegal? 16. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH." 17. You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 PM Tae Bo class. 18. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers. 19. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents. 20. Hey!!!! Is Pot Illegal???? 21. Both you AND your dog have therapists. And lastly, 22. The Terminator is your governor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spook Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 Hmm....this sounds a lot like my country. Except pot is practically legal over here in the Netherlands and the weather sucks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uscbigdawg Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 You forgot a few: 1 - You make more money than anyone else in the country for the same job. 2 - You enjoy a higher standard of living. The ocean and the mountains are only 2.5 hours apart. Can you say snowboarding and surfing in the same day? 3 - You have to listen to poor people from out of state complain that everything costs too much. 4 - You are a resident of the state that carries the US economy as the 5th largest GDP in the world. 5 - You listen to people take cheap shots at your state while they can't look in the mirror at the hole that they live in....'cause no place is perfect. Rich Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tightloop Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 I think we struck a nerve... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AikiDale Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 If you have to wait 15 days and give up your fingerprints like any other criminal to pick up a gun you have already paid for you might live in California.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 11. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps, and you don't even notice. I've been to 3 goat ropings and 2 county fairs and I ain't never seen chaps (and it is pronounced shaps, dammit!) that did have a crotch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kdj Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 11. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps, and you don't even notice. I've been to 3 goat ropings and 2 county fairs and I ain't never seen chaps (and it is pronounced shaps, dammit!) that did have a crotch. People in those venues were probably wearing something under the chaps though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 UUUUUhhhhooooo..... Now I get the picture. I really do need to get out of Wyoming more often. Nah.......I guess I don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sac Law Man Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 Rich, you forgot one more..we have the best looking women.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tightloop Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 SLM Brother let's don't start with what Kalifornia has the most of...BE wants us to be polite and I might surely violate that policy if we start listing those things. Pretty girls, yeah you have some but so does TEXAS... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tallgrass Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 1. Your co-worker has 8 body piercing's and none are visible. 2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house. 3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English. 4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower. 5. You can't remember . . . . is pot illegal? 6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor. 7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian. 8. You can't remember . . is pot illegal? 9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears. 10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S. 11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney. 12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment. 13. You can't remember . . .is pot illegal? 14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH." 15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers. 16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents. 17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal???? 18. Both you AND your dog have therapists. 19. The Terminator is your governor. 20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 Too Late! Good jokes are just like good ?????. The best are already taken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zhunter Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 I enjoyed it!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tallgrass Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 Sorry about that Merlin, I didn't realize it was aready taken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
revchuck Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 Rich, you forgot one more..we have the best looking women.. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Yup...and half of them are guys... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heath Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 We're making some generalisms here, so I'll make a few. Texas chicks are nice, but they use to much hairspray and only come in a couple of flavors. There is a greater variety of beautiful women here in California. Chicks that are guys is less of an issue outside of certain areas of San Francisco. There was another joke, "You know you're from the Bay Area When..." My favorites was knowing the difference between Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese (Cantonese, Mandarin, Szechuan, Hunan), Korean, and Japanese food. One of the best parts about this area is the ability to experience a variety of different cultures and cuisines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChuckS Posted July 6, 2005 Share Posted July 6, 2005 I am not really sure what it means but I did a Google search for "Transvestite and Louisiana" and got 145000 hits. The same search for Ca got 398000 hits. The 2003 census estimate for Ca is 35,484,453 and for La is 4,496,334 That give 0.011 hit per capita for Ca and 0.032 for La or almost 3 times as much transvestite stuff going on in Louisiana. Not very scientific but interesting. Later, Chuck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tightloop Posted July 6, 2005 Share Posted July 6, 2005 ChuckS Hope I am still alive when Kalifornia falls into the Pacific...I would make a day trip to see the aftermath..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flexmoney Posted July 6, 2005 Share Posted July 6, 2005 You guys ever hear the phrase: United WE Stand...Divided WE Fall. ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChuckS Posted July 6, 2005 Share Posted July 6, 2005 Thanks for the reminder, Flex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rikarin Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Nod nod nod. I love variety in Bay Area. Different cultures and we accpet all. And guess what? I had never dreamt I'd miss fog! After 3 weeks roasting in the Phoenix oven, I really miss foggy summer in Bay Area! We're making some generalisms here, so I'll make a few.Texas chicks are nice, but they use to much hairspray and only come in a couple of flavors. There is a greater variety of beautiful women here in California. Chicks that are guys is less of an issue outside of certain areas of San Francisco. There was another joke, "You know you're from the Bay Area When..." My favorites was knowing the difference between Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese (Cantonese, Mandarin, Szechuan, Hunan), Korean, and Japanese food. One of the best parts about this area is the ability to experience a variety of different cultures and cuisines. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChuckS Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Nod nod nod. I love variety in Bay Area. Different cultures and we accpet all. And guess what? I had never dreamt I'd miss fog! After 3 weeks roasting in the Phoenix oven, I really miss foggy summer in Bay Area! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Rikarin, There was another you know if that went something like "You know you are a Californian if you put on a T shirt and shorts to ski and parka, hat and gloves to go to the beach! I used to live in N. Cal and one of my favorite things was to watch the tourists scoop up $60 sweatshirts from the street vendors at Cliff House in "summer". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rikarin Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Ohhh yeah! there's 2nd winter during July-August here. Becah can get really cold. Sunglasses and warm jackets reside in my car all year Rikarin,There was another you know if that went something like "You know you are a Californian if you put on a T shirt and shorts to ski and parka, hat and gloves to go to the beach! I used to live in N. Cal and one of my favorite things was to watch the tourists scoop up $60 sweatshirts from the street vendors at Cliff House in "summer". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nheiny13 Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 Hey I live in California and I'm not a big fan. How about: There are only 1107 handguns that are considered "SAFE" by the DOJ. Many of the guns you guys use to compete with are deemed "unsafe" in the wonderful state of California. It has the two worst polluted areas in the nation, the San Joaquin Valley and the LA area. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sean Gaines Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 ahh Kalifornia, " Land of Fruits and Nuts" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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