Funny instructor stories

[gnappi]

 

I've  not seen a post like this, maybe some other NRA or LEO instructors have some stories to tell...

 

I've been teaching most of my adult life, both as an NRA and State licensed law enforcement instructor and over the years some pretty memorable students came my way. Most were private but even some law enforcement training went the funny route.

I had one well REALLY endowed gal in a class, and it was distracting to say the least. During class she asked if there was a loaner gun and I told her the range had a .38 revolver and a 9mm pistol. She said if you show me your .38, I'll show you my 40 DD's. The class broke up.

 

In another class a gal who was also really well endowed wore a very low cut blouse and I asked if she had a sweater or other top she could wear explaining that how brass from a semi-automatic could bounce into her blouse, she dismissed me saying she'd take the risk. I have a policy of loading an inexperienced shooters' gun with one round to make sure they don't catch their left thumb under the slide or drop the gun from the surprise of recoil. Well her first shot bounced off the booth wall, and right between her mounds. She dropped the gun, lifted her top and bra up over her head, and jiggled her boobs to get the brass to drop and gave me and all the other students a show.

 

Another time a fellow had flip flops on and I asked if he had other closed shoes and explained the hot brass problem... he argued he was going to be OK, dismissing it as a non problem. Well, one 9mm wedged itself between a strap and the top of his foot, he dropped the gun to the floor (remember my one round rule?) and removed the shoe hopping like a rabbit on one foot.

 

At a private law enforcement class, one student failed the shooting competency course by ONE point and with my license on the line (with witnesses and possibly a State auditor / reviewer there) I refused to pass him and he threatened to meet me in the parking lot and give me a lesson in courtesy. The range owner called the police where he was detained for a while

 

At yet another private LEO class a boob showed up with his pants drooping and I asked him to tighten his belt for the shooting competency part of the class. Well, his holster rig was on a belt above his pants belt and while shooting his pants fell, and with the loaded gun in his hand, he swept the other students and pulled them up. I stopped the firing, unloaded his gun and dismissed him from the class for unsafe gun handling. Yet another pissed off student.

 

One time we were at a LEO instructor class and at these classes student instructor candidates are paired up with other instructors so we can possibly help your partner through rough spots in their own skills. Well one of my partners was almost terrified at the weak hand (in his case the left hand) shooting session because his instructor made him use his NON-dominant eye for left handed shooting and he could not shoot with his left eye. I asked the "instructor instructor" to be able to run him through some drills during a break. Well using his  dominant eye he ACED the drills and he went on to pass the course.

 

I often privately train couples for the carry license class. Often one of them had never shot a gun, and in this case the wife was really uncomfortable shooting. The gun was a smaller
light weight 9mm and during the range time (remember my one round rule?) on her first shot she LITERALLY threw the gun down the lane, ran out of the range into the street! The husband could not get her to come back in.

 

At another couples class, the wife shot BRILLIANTLY FAR exceeding he hubby's horrid shooting. He was sooo PO'd he walked out and refused come back to accept the competency certificate which I had to give to the wife for him It's a good thing they came in separate cars!

 

Finally, at another class a gal had a Sig Mosquito (.22) and a few times during the class I'm asked about personal protection calibers, and  I rarely recommend one over another but will try to dissuade really small calibers like the student's mosquito explaining that any handgun CAN be useful but less desirable than others. Well the gal asked me why  I was "insulting" her gun by calling it a mosquito, and I explained that Sig named that model a mosquito not me.

 

======================================================================================

OK, not a funny one but at a law enforcement class a student said he was ex Israeli special forces (he would not tell us the group name) and I asked about the condition three training I heard of and whether it were true how good they were at it. He offered to give the class a demonstration after the competency shooting session.

 

Well not only was he was one of the rare few who got a perfect score and true to his word demonstrated the technique afterward... from concealment. WOW, this guy was absolutely amazing! For over 15 rounds he emptied a mag one round at a time, from concealment with blinding speed AND accuracy. Aside from gun games this was the most profound result of training I'd seen.

 

 

Edited November 17, 2021 by gnappi

[pete627]

Wow … I looked at the size of this post and said to myself … "I'm not gonna read all this stuff!!" ….
I'm so glad I did … Very informative and entertaining!! 

Thanks for sharing!! 

[konkapot]

Force on force training for DoD. Shipboard stuff. 

 

Reaction force is moving to contact and we hit them very very hard from the front. 

 

Point guy did a complete 180 and vigorously engaged his entire team. His own guys. Smoked them. 

 

I stopped him in the middle of a reload and settled him down. His eyes were as big as fifty cent pieces. Total condition black. 

 

"I've never experienced that much stress before."

 

He was aware, generally, of what he was doing, but not specifically aware. 

 

If I can think of other short examples I'll chip in more. 

[konkapot]

I've already got another one. 

 

Mid size police department, transitioning from Beretta 96D to the officers choice of a couple of Glocks or Kimber 1911. 

 

Every single officer came out and got to test drive the guns. Every single one. 

 

Midway through this process I noticed one of them was really struggling to make a decision. Really seemed to be ciphering over it. 

 

I check in with him and offer to help; let him shoot more, dryfire more, whatever it took to help him out. 

 

He said "I'm just wondering which one would look better in a shoulder holster." 

[konkapot]

We were doing rifle training for a basic federal LE program. They had all gotten pretty good training on pistols, so at this point were not new to guns or shooting. 

 

We had a shooter who was just struggling with her rifle. Could not get a zero. Five of us worked with her; sling/position/trigger/breathing etc etc etc. 

 

Someone asked her "Are you sure you're focusing on the front sight."

 

She said "Yes sir I'm focusing on the right front sight."

 

Yup. She was using the right wing of the protective blade. Apparently had been switching back and forth between the left and right blade. None of us caught it. 

[NETim]

During one of my trips to TR, Clint was talking about how everyone with previous military experience insisted they were a sniper during their stint.   No one ever claimed to be a cook or a truck driver.   

 

Having been to TR before and heard the same observation from Clint, I was ready with my response. 

 

"I drove the sniper truck."  

 

 

 

 

[Nugget]

[rowdyb]

Teaching someone with 4" long fingernails on every nail.

Teaching someone who showed up with 90 already loaded 1911 magazines.

Teaching someone who shot in prescription racquet ball goggles.

Teaching someone who only wanted to shoot head shots, not matter what the drill or instructions were.

 

[Zincwarrior]

1 hour ago, rowdyb said:

Teaching someone who shot in prescription racquet ball goggles.

How'd that work. Doesn't sound like a bad idea actually if you already have them. Prescription goggles are expensive.

[rowdyb]

On 11/19/2021 at 1:29 PM, Zincwarrior said:

How'd that work. Doesn't sound like a bad idea actually if you already have them. Prescription goggles are expensive.

It was  funny because they still couldn't see anything at all. Coupled with the odd appearance of it since you rarely see civilians shooting in some sort of goggle apparatus.

[MHicks]

Rowdy. How did the headshot guy do?

[MHicks]

If Navy Seals have received a lot of press then every teenaged kid with a brother or friend in the service, will say they are a Seal. Next year if there's a bunch of reports on snipers all of a sudden everyone was a sniper.

The Stolen Valor outfits that check out claims reported to them have said that the numbers are around 300 fakes for every true claim.

[obsessiveshooter]

Keep em coming, this is fun stuff!

[rowdyb]

9 hours ago, MHicks said:

Rowdy. How did the headshot guy do?

Not very good. The desire to shoot only headshots had nothing to do with his skill level and more to do with some oddly perceived tactical advantage where he only ever trained shooting head shots. It didn't translate into good hits on non-humanoid targets. Dude was basically a goof ball, but in the class that's his deal not mine. I'm there to help him improve his actual shooting skills. (Which he reluctantly did but it took until the last hour)

Edited November 22, 2021 by rowdyb

[rowdyb]

My stories teaching Chileans, Ugandans and other TCN's in Iraq are far funnier but they are more war stories than instructor stories.

[obsessiveshooter]

Let's hear them Rowdy, we don't care about the distinctions.  

[rowdyb]

21 hours ago, obsessiveshooter said:

Let's hear them Rowdy, we don't care about the distinctions.  

During a lunch break on either Marez or Diamondback, can't remember, was talking with my terp. She asked me what I was eating, a cold pop tart, and if she could also have some. I gave her some with the caveat they are much better toasted and her reply was "I don't know what this thing is called 'toast', but these are delicious!!" She was there to translate for the Bulgarians for me and I was amazed someone could speak 4 languages but didn't know what 'toasted' was... After that if anything was requiring an incredulous reply, the reply was "I don't know what this thing is called 'toast' but this is delicious!"

 

Riding back from the training site I decided to ride with the Ugandans in the back of the rig. (I often slept in transient housing and chose to eat in the TCN line at the DFAC, so hanging with them wasn't anything new) I was probably feeling too comfortable with them and forgot some of my cross cultural competencies. So I was teasing them they were so good at what I was teaching because they were all prior child soldiers in the LRA and the Joseph Kony would be proud of them. Their indignant reply was they were all there to make enough money to go home and get a good wife, as that required some cash. We talked in broad terms about our relative employment contracts and they told me they were there for 2 years (take that ANG) with no breaks or rotations home. I teasingly said to them, "Wow how do you go two years without getting laid?" and the reply back was "Guys (expletive) Mr Rowdy" with as serious and straight faces as possible. Now the tables had turned and I didn't know how to react so we just rode silently from then on, not looking at each other.

 

I was teaching big Army in the IZ, as it was called then, and during the class room portion requiring some basic math a PFC in the second row raised his hand and asked, "Sir, why do I have to know this?" (Oh man did his Sergeant perk up!) I explained the nature of our work together and why this would be important later and that it was imperative for the proper function of their new duty and for me to fulfill my contract. His reply was in a very laconic, Southern drawl, "Well I just came here to shoot $h!t sir." Needless to say they were stood up, marched outside and dressed down and returned to me. Every eye alert and every pencil in motion. (When they were gone I heard a torrent of inventive swearing the likes I've never heard in my life. Truly epic swearing by their Sergeant that impresses me still 14 years later.)

[obsessiveshooter]

You've clearly had some real world experience, I'm always fascinated by these kind of first hand stories.  

[rowdyb]

Usually now a days it's just benign stuff that makes myself or the other students laugh.

Losing a shoe during shooting on the move. Zipper down after bathroom break. Spraying sunscreen on their eye pro. Starting a drill w no mag in the gun and so on. Sometimes I may ask a spontaneous question I didn't think through with a beginner eye and get answers that make me laugh but nothing side splitting or universally funny.

[konkapot]

400 officer department. 

 

The same 20-ish officers failed to qualify. We had two quals; one was a fairly normal police qual, the other was a variation of the Farnham drill. Of the 20 officers who didn't qualify, typically 19 of them failed the second qual. 

 

Someone had a great idea of giving the "struggling" officers the opportunity to write down what they thought their problem was...put in their own words why they were not shooting well. First guy wrote "Because I suck at life and I suck at everything I do."

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Same department.....we had a guy who  would periodically disappear. He'd use say 4 days of leave time but not come back for about 6 days. At some point he played the "I'm an alcoholic" card and then the "I've got a substance problem" card. This went on for some time. 

 

Bottom line is that he'd go hang out with his doper girlfriend and then come back to work. 

 

HR wouldn't fire him. It's decided to send him out to the range. They thought/hope was that if he failed that might solve the problem

 

The rangemaster assigned me the duty of giving him about 4 hours of refresher and running him through the quals. He then said "If he does anything weird or stupid I want you shoot him in the face." Sound extreme......but we had some concerns about this guy. 

 

Officer shows up to the range and seems.......ok. Not great, but not outrageous. I inspect his gun and it's reasonably clean. I then look at his "duty" ammo and......it's not duty ammo. It's a mix of fmj some oddball hollowpoints, some lead reloads....just a random mix of crap. 

 

He responded well to training and actually shot well on both quals. Either a testament to his fundamental skills or how easy our quals truly were. 

[rhino3]