diehli Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen. 29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. 28. Duct tape won't fix that. 27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken. 26. We don't keep firearms in this house. 25. You can't feed that to the dog. 24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe. 23. Wrestling is fake. 22. We're vegetarians. 21. Do you think my gut is too big? 20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy. 19. Honey, we don't need another dog. 18. Who gives a #### who won the Civil War? 17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds. 16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor. 15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today. 14. Trim the fat off that steak. 13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. 12. The tires on that truck are too big. 11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE. 10. Unsweetened tea tastes better. 09. My fiancée, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's. 08. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl. 07. Checkmate 06. She's too young to be wearing a bikini. 05. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen. 04. I don't have a favorite college team. 03. You Guys. 02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae. AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY: 01. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tightloop Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 You are correct...a Southern Boy would not say those things... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Though I've seen something like this list before, it's still classic hilarious. Especially #16..... Anyone here game enough to make up some OTHER lists for OTHER socio-cultural American sub-groups...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diehli Posted December 10, 2004 Author Share Posted December 10, 2004 Though I've seen something like this list before, it's still classic hilarious. Especially #16..... Anyone here game enough to make up some OTHER lists for OTHER socio-cultural American sub-groups...? I was thinking about compiling a list for CA, but it'd include things like "y'all" and I'm known to spout that one every once in a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 SOUTHERNISMS YOU WILL HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY! Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Have a cup of coffee--it's already been 'saucered and blowed.' She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm. It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs. My cow died last night, so I don't need your bull. He's as country as cornflakes. This is gooder'n grits. If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it. I'm 'bout as........ Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Busy as a moth in a mitten. Happy as a clam at high tide. Advice for Northerners moving to the South: Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to use it shortly. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows. If you DO run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel drive pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself. Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?" Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either. The first Southern _expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol'", as in "big ol' truck", or "big ol' boy". "Fixin'" (as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store") is 2nd, and "Y'all" is 3rd. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone directly in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Southern folks learned to drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!", get out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse still, that you will ever hear. Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when the car was purchased. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store. It is just something you're supposed to do. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one, it is positioned directly in front of the house. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house and should, therefore, be prominently displayed. One last warning but probably the most important one to remember: Be advised that in the South, "He needed killin'" is a valid defense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AikiDale Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 300lbGorilla and MerlinD, having demonstrated superior manners, dipolomacy and an appreciation of Southern culture, are welcome here anytime! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Why Thank You, Colonel Suh.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tightloop Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Damn well betcha!!!!! AND THE TWO MERLIN FORGOT..... He lives so far back in the sticks, they have to pipe sunlight to him.. His ranch is so big the sun rises and sets between the house and the mail box... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kingman Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 you know I feel like that describes me well somedays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ty Gentry Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 Other things southern boy wont say. 31 I can't with her, she my cousin. 32 I cant go hunting today, Im getting married. 33 No reason to go to the gun show, I allready have enough. 34 That gun us just to big. 35 Let's not go down this road, its just too muddy. 36 That's to much wood to burn for a camp fire. 37 It doesn't matter to me how fast this bass boat is, is it safe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs." That's funny...! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhino Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 Well, that sure does take the rag off the bush. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ima45dv8 Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 Damn well betcha!!!!!AND THE TWO MERLIN FORGOT..... He lives so far back in the sticks, they have to pipe sunlight to him.. His ranch is so big the sun rises and sets between the house and the mail box... Or, "They live so far out in the country, they don't get the Grand Ole Opry 'til Tuesday!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
9x23 Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 (edited) 38. Anyone here game enough to make up some OTHER lists for OTHER socio-cultural American sub-groups...? (I'm SiG Lady and I approved this message.) Edited January 23, 2006 by 9x23 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdragon Posted December 12, 2004 Share Posted December 12, 2004 Rectum? Damn near killed em! Ivan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Just got one of these again.... Are there no new jokes...? Well - there was one more (new addition) thing that a Southern boy will NEVER say but it can't be posted here on BE as it is political... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 One 'Southernism' I heard recently: "As confused as a cow on Astroturf" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biloxi23 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 A true southern boy would not say Civil War. We usually call it the War for Southern Independence, or the War of Northern Aggression. Here's anotehr couple: I was so drunk I could'na seen through a ladder. He looked like he been shot at and missed, and sh-- at and hit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coach Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 (edited) A true southern boy would not say Civil War. We usually call it the War for Southern Independence, or the War of Northern Aggression Didn't Preston Brooks strike the first blow? Edited September 29, 2011 by Coach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 A true southern boy would not say Civil War. We usually call it the War for Southern Independence, or the War of Northern Aggression Didn't Preston Brooks strike the first blow? Damned Yankee..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coach Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 A true southern boy would not say Civil War. We usually call it the War for Southern Independence, or the War of Northern Aggression Didn't Preston Brooks strike the first blow? Damned Yankee..... In Preston's defense I would say he had it coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 A true southern boy would not say Civil War. We usually call it the War for Southern Independence, or the War of Northern Aggression Didn't Preston Brooks strike the first blow? Damned Durned Yankee..... In Preston's defense I would say he had it coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inkballedtarget Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 this was great.. I needed a good laugh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry White Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 A true southern boy would never live north of anywhere. I live 130 miles south of San Antonio, Corpus Christi is 20 miles south of here.---------Larry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgood Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 (edited) 23. Wrestling is fake. 14. Trim the fat off that steak. 12. The tires on that truck are too big. (I like big tires, but there is such a thing as "too big".) 07. Checkmate 01. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving! I consider myself a Southerner (though West Texas is more Southwest than Deep South) and I have said those things. SOUTHERNISMS YOU WILL HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY! Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive. That one always bugs me. I consider "y'all" to be the plural of "you." You is singular. Y'all is short for you all, meaning all of you. When I hear someone say "y'all" when talking to one person, I think they sound fake. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone directly in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Southern folks learned to drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle. I always wondered why farmers drive so danged slow. And it's not just a Southern thang. You see the same $#!+ in Iowa or wherever. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!", get out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse still, that you will ever hear. Very true! Often times the speaker is riding a bicycle, or motorcycle, or driving a car/truck/boat/riding lawnmower/golf cart, frequently when consuming alcohol, possibly while handling firearms, and trying to impress a female and/or his buddies, or any combination of those things. "Hey, watch this!" should be automatically interpreted as "Stand waaaaay back and watch this. Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when the car was purchased. No turn signal is a major pet peeve of mine. . . . the War of Northern Aggression. +1 Edited September 30, 2011 by mgood Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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