MBaneACP Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 (edited) So I'm having some work done on my house, and I hire a contractor who comes highly recommended to install the carpet in the living and dining room of my house. A big rectangular room. No big deal. Instead of a carpet installer, I get A CRAZED CONSPIRACY LUNATIC, a virtual encyclopedia of every nitwit theory in the last 20 years. He doesn't want to install a carpet; he wants to talk about the Illuminati, the Zionist Occupation Goverment, how to become a "sovereign citizen" and pay no taxes, the secret messages on the dollar bill, the conspiracies behind artifical sweeteners, the plot against O.J. (I swear!), how to avoid the draft, A FREAKIN' PLETHORA OF BRAIN-DEAD, INTERNET-FUELED, COMPLETE NONSENSE, BAT-S**T CRAZY DRIVEL!!! No matter where I hide, he keeps talking! It's like Rain Man on crack! I wouldn't mind this if he would just INSTALL THE FREAKIN' CARPET! Seven hours, and so far he's cut a piece. But he's listened to 7 hours of WHACK JOB RADIO and blathered on and on and on and on. Jeez, maybe today he's show up wearing aluminum foil around his head. Deep breath...deep breath... mb Edited October 19, 2004 by Flexmoney Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flexmoney Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 MB, I deleted the side rant (in my never-ending battle to keep the peace here). The carpet guy...maybe you shuold try to weird him out. When he shows up...YOU be the one with the foil on your head. If he thinks you are nutz, then he will hurry up and finish. (Let me know how that goes. lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhino Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 Sounds like he forgot to rant about the conspiracy behind immunizations! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhgtyre Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 You need to find an ear bud with a conspicuous looking coil of wire running out of it and talk into your sleeve when you are around him. If you could find anything with a blinking red LED and leave it in his toolbox that will help as well. You may not get your carpet installed but I bet he stops at "Aluminum Foil Hats-R-Us" on his way home! -ld Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EricW Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 Tell the moron to get to work or you'll barcode him. Oh....and you realize that carpet is the work of the Jewish Zionist Imperialist Conspiracy, don't you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhgtyre Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 Tell the moron to get to work or you'll barcode him.Oh....and you realize that carpet is the work of the Jewish Zionist Imperialist Conspiracy, don't you? Only because the Illuminati allow the Freemasons to let it happen that way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
38supPat Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 Get your MIB suit out, don't forget the Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Di Vita Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 So now people are wack jobs because they have alternate opinions than you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
38supPat Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 So now people are wack jobs because they have alternate opinions than you? YES! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schmitz Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 We've got some of these 's over here as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhgtyre Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 And don't forget the people who question us. They are OBVIOUSLY whack jobs as well! Oh, crap! My aluminum hat slipped off! Gotta' go! -ld Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBaneACP Posted October 19, 2004 Author Share Posted October 19, 2004 Jake; YES! And furthermore, Commander Alf, my beagle, and Lt. Colonel Ripley, my grey parrot, have instructed me to tell you that when they want your opinion, they will (alternately) bite or peck it out of you! Now, where is my colander with helmet strap? WHAT'S THE FREQUENCY, KENNETH? mb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Di Vita Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 I'm staying out of this on a public forum, if you wish to discuss this more intelligently, feel free to e-mail me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EricW Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 Ahem! Dr. Bane, Could you please stop taking your contractor's medication? Thanks, Eric (who is now worried that we'll have black helicoper/pseudo science topic restriction on the Hate forum before he can write rant about how Amway has stolen the designs for a free-energy machine and plans to hold the world hostage when the oil runs out next year) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raz-0 Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 see, that's why you need to run out, rent a white van, and dig up an ols amplified indoor tv antenna so you can park your new g-man snopping rig outside for his next visit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 Simple: He either works or he doesn't get paid. Inform him you don't pay for conversation, controversial or otherwise. If he gets huffy, start talking about guns. People shift gears pretty damn' quickly when that topic is offered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AikiDale Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 So I'm having some work done on my house, and I hire a contractor who comes highly recommended to install the carpet in the living and dining room of my house. A big rectangular room. No big deal.Instead of a carpet installer, I get A CRAZED CONSPIRACY LUNATIC, a virtual encyclopedia of every nitwit theory in the last 20 years. He doesn't want to install a carpet; he wants to talk about the Illuminati, the Zionist Occupation Goverment, how to become a "sovereign citizen" and pay no taxes, the secret messages on the dollar bill, the conspiracies behind artifical sweeteners, the plot against O.J. (I swear!), how to avoid the draft, A FREAKIN' PLETHORA OF BRAIN-DEAD, INTERNET-FUELED, COMPLETE NONSENSE, BAT-S**T CRAZY DRIVEL!!! No matter where I hide, he keeps talking! It's like Rain Man on crack! I wouldn't mind this if he would just INSTALL THE FREAKIN' CARPET! Seven hours, and so far he's cut a piece. But he's listened to 7 hours of WHACK JOB RADIO and blathered on and on and on and on. Jeez, maybe today he's show up wearing aluminum foil around his head. Deep breath...deep breath... mb You're just jealous because you don't hear the voices..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 ...you know, the ones that tell you to stay home and clean your guns... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
38supPat Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Tell him your job at the UN (its classified) doesn't allow you to talk about those kind of subjects. Oh, and don't forget to ask his date of birth, last flu shot date, home address, and bar code (if he doesn't have one offer to make an appointment for him) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Tell him you work for the NSA......... He'll surely understand THAT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimel Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 More like, tell them you work for a 3-letter agency and that having him come to lay carpet was really just a way for your agency to get him close enough to microchip him in order to track his movements and exert mind controlling powers over him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dead Buff Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Get ideas Here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bear1142 Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 You guys watch too much TV. There are no such things as Black Helicoptors. What a bunch of non-sensical crap.....We use Blimps with Stealth technology. Erik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rainman Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 It's like Rain Man on crack! Now I hope that wasn't personal... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geezer-lock Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 and bar code (if he doesn't have one offer to make an appointment for him) Bar coding is so twentieth century. We use implanted, active RFID now. It might really get him moving if you mention that and how the GPS tracking works in conjunction with the implant. geezer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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