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Washington Post's Mensa Invitational


John Heiter

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Each year the Washington Post's Style Invitational asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supply a new definition.

 

Here are the 2001 winners:

 

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

 

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

 

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

 

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

 

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

 

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running

late.

 

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

 

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit)

 

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

 

Glibido: All talk and no action.

 

Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

 

And, the pick of the literature:

 

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a-hole.

Feel free to add your own.

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  • 2 years later...

More stuff from our not-working-very-hard county employees:

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

-------------------------------------------------------------

> Intaxication (n.): Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until

> you realize it was your money to start with. :angry:

>

> Reintarnation (n.): Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

>

> Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright

> ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little

> sign of breaking down in the near future. :rolleyes:

>

> Foreploy (n.): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of

> getting laid. :D

>

> Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject

> financially impotent for an indefinite period. :lol:

>

> Giraffiti (n.): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

>

> Sarchasm (n.): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the

> person who doesn't get it. <_<

>

> Inoculatte (v.t.): To take coffee intravenously when you are running

> late.

>

> Hipatitis (n.): Terminal coolness. B)

>

> Osteopornosis (n.): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

>

> Karmageddon (n.): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these

> really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like

> a real bummer. :wacko:

>

> Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming

> only decaf. :wacko:

>

> Glibido (n.): All talk and no action. ;)

>

> Dopeler effect (n.): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when

> they come at you rapidly.

>

> Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've

> accidentally walked through a spider web.

>

> Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the

> fruit you're eating.

>

> And the pick of the literature:

>

> Ignoranus (n.): A person who's both stupid and an a_-hole. :lol:

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  • 4 weeks later...

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's (2003) winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an ass hole.

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  • 10 months later...

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers

to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,

or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the

person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these

really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's

like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come very quickly.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've

accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your

bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the

fruit you're eating.

Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

And the pick of the literature:

Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a_-hole.

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  • 1 month later...

Don't know when this contest is from but it's still dang funny...

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you

realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright

ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign

of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of

getting laid.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject

financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person

who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really

bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a

serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming

only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they

come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've

accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your

bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the

fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a_-hole.

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  • 3 years later...

Thanks, TL...

Cashtration - The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

Intaxication - Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation - Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Bozone - The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Giraffiti - Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm - The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte - To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Karmageddon - It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon - The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido - All talk and no action.

Dopeler Effect - The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic Fit - The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug - Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor - The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating

Coffee - The person upon whom one coughs.

Flabbergasted - Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

Abdicate - To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade - To attempt an explanation while drunk.

Negligent - Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

Lymph - To walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle - Olive-flavored mouthwash.

Flatulence - Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash - A rapidly receding hairline

Rectitude - The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Pokemon - A Rastafarian proctologist.

Oyster - A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

Frisbeetarianism - The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Circumvent - An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

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