Merlin Orr Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Subject: questions 1. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! 2. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping", now I just "chunky dunk". 3. The early bird still has to eat worms. 4. The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them. 5. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. 6. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life, we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? 7. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 8. My spouse says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what was said. 9. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. 10. Why is it that our American children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? 11. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! 12. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. 13. Can you cry under water? 14. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 15. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? 16. Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? 17. Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny" for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? 18. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? 19. Why does a round pizza come in a square box? 20. What did cured ham actually have? 21. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be good idea to put wheels on luggage? 22. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? 23. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? 24. If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you? 25. Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TV? 26. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? 27. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? 28. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. 29. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? and finally... 30. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrumpyOne Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 All very good questions, sir! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvb Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 3. The early bird still has to eat worms. Early bird may get the worm, but the early worm gets EATEN. Think I'll hit the snooze.... -rvb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Youngeyes Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 3. The early bird still has to eat worms. Early bird may get the worm, but the early worm gets EATEN. Think I'll hit the snooze.... -rvb Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy but socially dead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan550 Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 3. The early bird still has to eat worms. Early bird may get the worm, but the early worm gets EATEN. Think I'll hit the snooze.... -rvb Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy but socially dead. Early to bed and early to rise.........your girl goes out with other guys! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-JQ- Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 3. The early bird still has to eat worms. Early bird may get the worm, but the early worm gets EATEN. Think I'll hit the snooze.... -rvb but the second mouse gets the cheese...I'm just sayin' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punkin Chunker Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 Why do stores open 24/7 have locks? Meat from cows = beef. Meat from pigs = pork. Chicken is just chicken. Whyzzat? When people who live in the jungle eat chicken, do they say, "Hey! This tastes just like snake!" Why do drive-up ATMs have Braille keypads? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gm iprod Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Why do drive-up ATMs have Braille keypads? Just look around as you drive, the answer may be in the car behind you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 No. 10 is actually worth thinking about. No. 19 = round boxes are far more expensive to manufacture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gino_aki Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 3. The early bird still has to eat worms. Early bird may get the worm, but the early worm gets EATEN. Think I'll hit the snooze.... -rvb Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy but socially dead. Early to bed and early to rise.........your girl goes out with other guys! But... Early to bed with the one Whose passion does flow From the top of her head to the tips of her toes And whose eyes are a-twinkle When you see the sun rise Should keep a man happy 'til the day that he dies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biloxi23 Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Merlin: Man this ain't really funny, but a friend of mine that worked for the local Budwieser distributaor got fired for drinking a competitive brand at a Harbor Bait Shop. They were out of bud, and he was thirsty from fishing all day in the sun. His pulled up to fuel a boat and fired him on the spot. Man, that's cruel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 "Merlin: Man this ain't really funny, but a friend of mine that worked for the local Budwieser distributaor got fired for drinking a competitive brand at a Harbor Bait Shop. They were out of bud, and he was thirsty from fishing all day in the sun. His pulled up to fuel a boat and fired him on the spot. Man, that's cruel." Cripes, not only is that "cruel" but it sounds completely illegal! What happened, did he sign an employment contract that stated he couldn't drink the competition's beer??? Sounds bogus to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damol Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 #24- Yes, I used to work at a CocaCola bottling plant and was told by my boss (a good friend)that the quickest way to get fired was to show up to work drinking a Pepsi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samuel Adams Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Why does sour cream have an expiration date? Why do we drive on a parkway but park in a driveway? Why do they call them apartments with they are all together? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DinosaurMikeGolf Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 How does night fall? What is hurt when night falls? What is damaged when dawn breaks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inkballedtarget Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 lol these are pretty good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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