Scout454 Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fense. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground round, drove 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works. One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Walmart 6hp bigwheel pushmower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all. Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 gigavolt fencewire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my balls trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the POS lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses. Science says you cannot crap, pee, and nut at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand. At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I cant let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences... but Dad always had those POS chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas. 'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, jizz, and with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God please die... pleeeeze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot. So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created. I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire... I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where i had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot were the wire had layed while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things. 1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted. 2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right). 3- Poop, pee, and semen when all mixed together, do not smell as bad a you might think. 4- My left eye will not open. 5- My right eye will not close. 6- The lawnmower runs like a sumnabitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that. 7- My balls are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long 8- I can turn on the TV in the gameroom by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don’t understand this?) That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow. The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 I have seen a picture of a guy who peed on a "real" electirc fence........ It was a terrible thing to see..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Cheely Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 I have seen a picture of a guy who peed on a "real" electirc fence........ It was a terrible thing to see..... I hear that was actually a disease and not an electric fence... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout454 Posted November 27, 2008 Author Share Posted November 27, 2008 I was raised on a horse and cattle farm and when we put up hay it was common practice to tell the kids who came to help that they had to pee over on the fence otherwise the horses wouldn't eat the hay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Keen Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of anupside down cow on fire on the cover. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jman Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocket35 Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 What a shocking experience! Happy Holidays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redmanfixit Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 Oh My! Laughing VERY hard now. Difficult to breath, can't see, tears streaming down cheeks!!!! Capacitance! I'm SO sorry that happened to you. Can't type well! Laughing!!! Feel compassion, Hog feeding story leaps to my mind, memory of familiar sensations! So glad you woke up!!! Number 4?? Laughing, laughing. "A man who attempts to carry a cat by it's tail, will learn something which can be learned in no other way!!" -Mark Twain- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rupie Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 Brings back memory's of the farm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken hebert Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 Ahh, yes. Thank you for the stomach cramps and the sore feeling in the back of my throat. Better than the self-tasing story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Modoc Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 Boy, I can STILL feel the zap from the 2 strands of BULL rated wire in the bull pens . Backed into them while working and jumped (thrown?) about 2' from the fence. Not as humerous as yours, but funny in retrospect . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 MY GAWD......!!!!....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dajarrel Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 8- I can turn on the TV in the gameroom by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don’t understand this?) I would probably accept it for what it is......I mean, you probably don't want to experiment any more....do you? dj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout454 Posted November 28, 2008 Author Share Posted November 28, 2008 Why not? Think of the experience! Widen my horizons. Think of the possibilities! I could market it to "Fear Factor" and make bullet money! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flexmoney Posted November 29, 2008 Share Posted November 29, 2008 Come on...hard to blieve...a big block chevy doing 8 grand? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gm iprod Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 I know a guy what can get a big block chevy to 9grand, but he only needs to for 7-8 seconds at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout454 Posted December 1, 2008 Author Share Posted December 1, 2008 Way back when, we would spin a radically built 409 to 8 grand. But, nearly everything in it was spinning in needle bearings. The 427 Jimmy and I ran in 66 would spin 7800 and that had a Crane 320 in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flexmoney Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 giddyup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JKSNIPER Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 Now THATS comedy! JK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout454 Posted December 1, 2008 Author Share Posted December 1, 2008 Yup. Slamming second in a car that weighed less than 3000 pounds and had over 700 horsepower was exhilarating to say the least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisStock Posted December 3, 2008 Share Posted December 3, 2008 I was raised on a horse and cattle farm and when we put up hay it was common practice to tell the kids who came to help that they had to pee over on the fence otherwise the horses wouldn't eat the hay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benos Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I got this from a friend ... sounds like it might have been written by the same guy that thought it was a good idea to rope a deer. Installation of electric fencing Thought y'all should read this in case you're thinking of installing an electric fence! We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, drove 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works. One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all. Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my balls trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the POS lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses. Science says you cannot crap, pee, and nut at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand. At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences... but Dad always had those POS chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas. 'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, jizz, and with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God, please die... pleeeeze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot. So, here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day, he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created. I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire.... I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot were the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things. 1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted. 2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right). 3- Poop, pee, and semen when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think. 4- My left eye will not open. 5- My right eye will not close. 6- The lawnmower runs like a sumnabitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that. 7- My balls are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long. 8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this?) That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always double check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow. The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow. ------ End of Forwarded Message Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken hebert Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 http://www.brianenos.com/forums/index.php?...=electric+fence Old, but still funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazmag Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 http://www.brianenos.com/forums/index.php?...=electric+fenceOld, but still funny. call out the boss.... as i wipe tears from my eyes........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seth Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Now there's more to this story... It seems that there's some truth there. To the best of my knowledge, this is the original... http://www.pirate4x4.com/forum/showthread....highlight=fence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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