ErikW Posted December 20, 2001 Share Posted December 20, 2001 TDean's "add to the story" thread reminded me of this and I had to dig it up for you guys... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Received from an English Professor: This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca and Gary English 44A SMU Creative Writing Professor Miller In-class assignment for Wednesday: Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached. ----------------------------------------- At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question. Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A. S. Harris to Geostation 17", he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ships cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Sklylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth - when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully. Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!" This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent. Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flexmoney Posted December 20, 2001 Share Posted December 20, 2001 cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
38supPat Posted December 20, 2001 Share Posted December 20, 2001 I think I know her ...lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singlestack Posted December 20, 2001 Share Posted December 20, 2001 I know the same COUPLE! He is my shooting buddy..... lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Schwab Posted December 21, 2001 Share Posted December 21, 2001 LMAO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TDean Posted December 21, 2001 Share Posted December 21, 2001 Dang! so did those two eventually get together. Definately some sparks there! Good stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duane Thomas Posted July 2, 2002 Share Posted July 2, 2002 I went to a party once for the guy who had just won the National Book Award - who turned out to be really cool, amazingly enough. While there this thin, pale, neurotic fan of "literary fiction" asked me what I did for a living. I told her, "I'm a professional writer." "You mean that's all you do?" "Yep." "Well, I could never prostitute my talent." You have no idea how close I came to telling her, "Of course you couldn't, honey. Being a prostitute requires having something people are willing to pay money for." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gm iprod Posted July 3, 2002 Share Posted July 3, 2002 Don't ever hold back. You never know when you will get the chance to be that witty in public again. The worst part is she would think that you are wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn jones Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus," offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what t has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary. THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question. (second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully. (Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mother ship launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!" (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent. (Gary) Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" (Rebecca) a_-hole. (Gary) Bitch (Rebecca) F__K YOU -- YOU NEANDERTHAL! (Gary) Go drink some tea - whore. (TEACHER) A+ - I really liked this one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tightloop Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 I have taught some students who were the clones of those... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mspingy Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 Now that was funny! What an imagination that teacher had to think that one up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
folsoml Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 Fantastic! Definitely A++ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 Thats funny - Erik liked it also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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