Flexmoney Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?" The girls says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you." The guys says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said. you look fat in those pants." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErikW Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 (bar jokes, eh?) A dyslexic man walks into a bra ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slik40 Posted October 18, 2002 Share Posted October 18, 2002 2 guys walk into a bar.....you think the second guy would have learned Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrumpyOne Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 I knew Flex had a sense of humor at one time....... I wonder if he'll ever find it again.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Youngeyes Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 2 guys walk into a bar.....you think the second guy would have learned 2 guys walked down the street and turned into a bar. Film at 11. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rfwobbly Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 You know about MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving), but have you heard about DAM ?? Mothers Against Dyslexia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inkballedtarget Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 Lol... I thought it was funny Flex.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lumpygravy Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we have no bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "For the last time, NO!, we haven’t got any bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven’t got any bread, ask me again and I’ll nail your beak to the bar you irritating bastard of a bird!" Duck says: "Got any nails?" Barman says: "No" Duck says: "Got any bread? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flexmoney Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 I knew Flex had a sense of humor at one time....... I wonder if he'll ever find it again.... Maybe you can look for it for me...you know...as long as you have your head in the area. Last time I saw it, it was on my boot. HaHa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graham Smith Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink here named after you." The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named a Bob?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singlestack Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Guy goes in a bar. He says to the BT "hey man, can you help me? I'm broke and I need a drink real bad". BT says "take a sip out of that spittoon over there and your drink is on me". Guy goes over to the spittoon and picks it up and takes a sip. After about a minute he puts in down and turns to the BT. The BT says "hey man, I said only take a sip!". The guy says as he wipes off his mouth "it was all one piece!". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lumpygravy Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 A gorilla walked into a bar and ordered a beer. The bartender, amazed to hear the gorilla speak, brought him a beer. The gorilla finished the beer and handed the bartender a twenty dollar bill. The bartender just couldn't believe that a gorilla knew anything about money, so he only gave back one dollar in change. "Hope you enjoyed your beer," he said to the gorilla, "We don't get too many gorillas coming in here." "I'm not surprised." said the gorilla, "At nineteen dollars a beer, I ain't comin' back." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Dame Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 an egg and 2 strips of bacon walk into a bar, Bartender,"we dont serve breakfast here" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrumpyOne Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 (edited) I knew Flex had a sense of humor at one time....... I wonder if he'll ever find it again.... Maybe you can look for it for me...you know...as long as you have your head in the area. Last time I saw it, it was on my boot. HaHa. And you'd be kicking yourself in the nose at the same time. Inverted Cranial Rectumnitis.... And my, my, my, Flex....the years haven't been kind to you...... Edited September 8, 2011 by GrumpyOne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrumpyOne Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 A piece of string walks into a bar. "Gimme a beer." he says.. Bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve string in here." String hops down off the stool, walks outside, ties a knot in one end of himself, shakes it and walks back inside and hops back up on the stool. "Gimme a beer." says the string....Bartender starts pouring the beer, looking at the string and says "Hey, you aren't a piece of string, are you?" "Nope," he says, "Frayed Knot" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punkin Chunker Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Set of jumper cables walk into a bar. Bartender takes one look at them, says, "Hey you guys -- don't start anything in here!" I guess he was kind of cranky. They left anyway -- the bartender wouldn't let them charge anything. But it really was their kind of bar -- a real clip joint. Of course it was near their home -- somewhere in DC, maybe close to Battery Park. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Youngeyes Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Bartender tells a drunk that his drinks are free if he'll do 2 favors. He points to this seriously ugly girl and requests the drunk make love to her as she's his daughter and she's a virgin. Favor 2 is to pull a bad tooth on the guard pit bull tied up in the back. Drunk goes out back first. After loud barking and screams, the ripped up drunk comes back and says" OK where's that girl with the bad tooth?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graham Smith Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 (edited) Fellow is sitting in a bar and another guy walks in and orders a Martini. He quickly drinks it down then proceeds to munch the glass right down to the stem, which he leaves on the bar when he leaves. The fellow at the bar says to the bartender, "That guy must be crazy." Bartender says, "Sure is, the stem is the best part." Rim-Shot... Edited September 8, 2011 by Graham Smith Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lumpygravy Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 an egg and 2 strips of bacon walk into a bar, Bartender,"we dont serve breakfast here" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgood Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Guy walks into a bar and orders 12 shots of tequila and starts slamming them down one after another. Bartender asks why he's drinking so fast. Guy says "You'd drink fast to if you had what I got." Bartender: "What do you got?" Guy: "About seventy-five cents." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biloxi23 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 mgood: Man I had that happen to me in the Black Cat in Tijuana in 1972. This chick sits down in the booth next to me and my friends (5 other Jarheads from Camp Pendleton and 29 Palms). She asked if I would like to buy her a drink (probably really Kool Ade or tea) and I said sure. The waitress slaps down about ten shotglasses and begins to pour. As the waitress begins to pour, the chick begins to down the shots. Shem drank all ten in about 30 seconds, and the waitress says that's $30.00, and i replied I wasn't paying for squat (that's the sanitized version of what I really said). IT took the TJ Constabuloary about one minute to arrive on the scene. When teh two TJ policemen came in the first thng I noticed was one had a Colt Peacemaker in a tied-down gunfighter rig and the other had a nickle plated 1911 with genuine mother of pearl grips. This should have told me somthing, but 20 year old Marines with relatively high BAC's (whcih has a strong effect of practical IQ's. But, I also told them that I wasn't paying, and that they wan't arresting squat. I was wrong. Have any of yu guys seen the inside of the Tijuana City Jail? I paid $30.00, The $100.00 fine for insulting the police and the $50.00 to the Sergeant to let me out now instead of in the morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vernbo Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball. The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!" "Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything." The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves. Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrumpyOne Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball. The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!" "Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything." The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves. Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first." Stoopid Monkey! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Youngeyes Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Man walks into a bar and says, " Bartender. Buy the house a round and have one yourself." The bartender pours for everyone, drinks a whiskey and says,"Thanks for the drink. That comes to $25.75." The man says,"Shoot! I don't have any money." The bartender beats him up and throws him out. The man comes back in and says," Bartender. Buy the house a round." The bartender is so shocked by this that he says," Wait. How about my whiskey?" The man says, "Hell no! You get mean when you drink!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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