JakeMartens Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 Tactical Tales of Woe Part the 273rd: When Maximum Doofosity and Supreme Stinkosity Collide (at the IDPA match on 09 April, 2005) Copyright © 2005 by Joseph V. Viray The weather could not have been nicer, with sunny skies and a pleasant temperature in the low seventies. Little did I know that on this ninth day in April, in the Year of Our Lord 2005, I would reach a new depth of bad shooting and gun handling skills. While it’s always possible any time I’m on the range, my naturally optimistic nature and cherub-like demeanor led me to believe that today would be a good day. The IDPA course of fire was relatively straight forward, with no “shooter’s traps” to vex the unwary. All was going well until my slide locked open on an empty chamber. As my left hand automatically reached for a spare magazine, I flipped the pistol in my right hand while ejecting the empty magazine. As I felt the spare mag clear its carrier on my belt, I realized something just wasn’t “right.” After what seemed an eternity at the time, I realized that instead of grabbing a loaded magazine, I’d instead retrieved my SureFire flashlight. Naturally I was displeased with myself, and my mind dwelled on the additional time it was taken me to perform a simple slide lock reload. I finally managed to jam the light back into its pouch, snag a new magazine, and complete the reload. Unfortunately, the irritation factor spiked and instead of shooting the required number of rounds while calling my shots, I focused on the targets and emptied my gun again. At that point, I realized that I could recompose myself as I did another reload, moved to the final port, and engaged the last target. The perceptive readers among you may have already deduced that I was not going to escape the stage without another serious mistake. While I started to insert the fresh magazine into the gun, I cleverly noticed that I was, in fact, once again holding my flashlight, but this time I’d made it almost to the mag well before realizing I’d repeated the same mistake. Many precious seconds ticked away as I stood motionless, contemplating the magnitude of my entirely avoidable error. I’m not sure why I stood there staring at the lens of the light, but perhaps my subconscious mind believed that if I tried hard enough, it would miraculously transform into a loaded magazine. The astute among you will realize immediately that it just didn’t happen, so while I uttered an unprintable expletive, I hurled the SureFire to the ground, snatched the elusive, final magazine, and completed the reload. I engaged the remaining target with no significant problems, and finally, mercifully, the debacle ended. We may never know exactly how much time I spent fondling, holding, staring at, and finally throwing that pesky flashlight. Were I a wagering pachyderm, I’d bet it was at least ten seconds. Adding the cost in time, the points down due to bad shooting, and overall embarrassment, the result was the heretofore unknown combination of Maximum Doofosity and Supreme Stinkosity. And yet, I still had fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin c Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 Well, thanks, 45, for posting that for us - a little bit of Rhino is better than none at all. Please tell his Purpleness that he is missed, and we would all like the opportunity to comiserate with him again on his and our own trials and travails while shooting (and to celebrate our occasional little triumphs too - we've heard that he is having his moments in the sun!). Kevin C. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tightloop Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 I still miss his wit and humor... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 Well - we now know that his change of scenery has not help his shitty luck... Rhino needs to make mall ninja training tapes. The tatical speed light load... The tatical "surefire" loading method. How to really "See" the magwell during loading. Iluminating thoughts on the speedload. Surefire ways to sandbag a stage. And so on.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Di Vita Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 Illuminating thoughts on the speedload.....wow I almost fell out of my chair laughing at that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airedale Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 I was scolling thru the view new posts and noticed the "Miss Rhino" part of the title. It startled me to think that Rhino would become "Miss Rhino". I then reread the title. Scary I miss the wisdom of Rhino Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimberkid Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 Thanks 45, I got that email last night and had a good laugh. I find that email very odd, because he has shown great improvement here recently. I've shot with him several times in the past few weeks and he is really coming with it recently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 I'm apparently on The Rhinoid One's mailing list, so manage to get the Doofosity Reports directly. Nice to see it's still happening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoNsTeR Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 I missed something, where's Rhino...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 The "Great Horned One", GHO, has slipped into the swirling mists of self-imposed exile. But, I'm expecting a large purple apparition, super-tricked AR-15 in hand, to materialize at my right side if I ever have to confront ultimate evil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zhunter Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Where exactly is the "GHO"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tightloop Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Sam.....you might need the GHO if you are ever threatened by a man killing sod poodle Zhunter...he chooses not to participate on this forum anylonger, but some of us who were here during the toilet paper thread, and others, still mill him...guess we are having withdrawl.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XRe Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Did he ever fess up publicly why he left? I was coming on board around that time, and obviously am not in the know. I enjoy reading his old posts a bunch - I miss him and never even "knew" him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemo Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 The "Great Horned One", GHO... That is excellent!! Move to edit Rhino's sig from Good people to GHO... All in favor say YEA. ...I'm expecting a large purple apparition, super-tricked AR-15 in hand, to materialize at my right side if I ever have to confront ultimate evil. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Amen Brother Samuel! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimberkid Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 XRE, I dont think that you intended to light a fire with that statement, but it kinda struck a cord with me. Rhino left of his own accord for reasons that are his own. He has no obligation to "fess up". Any of us have the right to leave whenever we so choose for any reason. The only thing that should concern anyone is that he is alive and well and is still the same person he always has been. To those that miss him, rest assured he misses you also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XRe Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Certainly no offense was intended. People are obviously free to come and go as they like, with no obligation to anyone else. "Fess up" doesn't imply those things (synonymous w/ "acknowledge", "communicate", etc) - though I can see how you might take it that way. I'll choose different words, next time - my tone obviously didn't come across..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zhunter Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Well, although I have not been here al that long, I do remember him as a very entertaining guy! Sorry to hear he has departed these parts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 rhino's 'doofosity' index is high end stuff and he exploits it to the fullest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimberkid Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Xre, No worries, I didnt really think that you meant it offensivly, just struck me hard was all, sorry for jumping off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted April 16, 2005 Share Posted April 16, 2005 Well, although I have not been here al that long, I do remember him as a very entertaining guy!Sorry to hear he has departed these parts! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> As I browsed the Forum late last nite I caught a glimpse of this...Could it be??? Rhino_Swimming.bmp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caspian_45 Posted April 16, 2005 Share Posted April 16, 2005 While I haven't been to the Zoo lately................... Dude, that looks a Hippo. Either way, it ain't purple. So it's a false sighting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted April 16, 2005 Share Posted April 16, 2005 I still think it may be him. He just got him a new girlfriend and ain't HORNEY right now... Thanks Siggy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michaels Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 I'll bet you didn't know that Sears makes a pocket knife that will fit (very snuggly) into a 1911. It really helps when you have a mag well to speed it up going in... michaels Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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