MTU_327PC Posted December 21, 2010 Share Posted December 21, 2010 Sorry to bring this here, but I'm not really happy with the world right now. Next month I'm supposed to start a new job and bring my girlfriend of 3.5 years and our daughter who's 15 months. I go downstate with my girls to find a house and visit with my family. We find a house and all seems well until a few nights ago. Girlfriend says we're done and that's it. I know we've had issues, pretty simple ones at that but still issues. I asked her last night why did she go down and let me sign on a house that is clearly too large for myself (and hopefully my daughter). She responds that she simply didn't want to leave her daughter. Piss poor excuse if you ask me. Being emotional, it's the hardest damn thing I've come up against. I practically raised my daughter while finishing up school. I was up every night with her when I still had to be to school at 6 in the morning. My girlfriend works nights at the hospital so it worked alright during the day. I'd be back and forth from class then home in the early afternoon to watch her and do my work. I've been called a bad father (in worse terms) by her many times. Told that I can't take my kid anywhere (when she gets mad at me). I've been beat by this women and my dumb self never called the cops, in hopes of working it out or trying to get her to be calm and rational. I guess my kindness didn't get me too far. I do have pictures of some damage done to me, but I'm not sure if that would suffice. I had never shown any aggression towards her or raised a hand, but this was how she though she'd get her point across. My biggest fear is that I may lose my daughter by having to move away. I'm not leaving my daughter, but with this job I can provide a better future for myself and my daughter. My girlfriend says she's fine where she's at and told me the state would take care of her. I understand when people need help, there's programs to help, but just taking when you can easily do better really ticks me off. The worst is her mother did this with my ex and her brother, then did it again with another man. To know that 3.5 years are now gone down the drain, and a potentially bad situation for my daughter and myself devasted me the last few days. Last night she agreed with a 50% custody agreement (verbally), but I know when it gets time to really make it official there will be some dispute. Sorry for the long rant, but I appreciate the forum letting me get out my grief. I know I should have made some changes earlier on, but to be strung out so long when she wanted out long ago, that's just cruel. Then to top it all off she says I was just part to keep her from being bored. Probably just something to be hurtful, but it hits pretty close to the heart. Thanks, -Drew Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
larry cazes Posted December 21, 2010 Share Posted December 21, 2010 Get a good family law attorney. 'Nuff said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GentlemanJim Posted December 21, 2010 Share Posted December 21, 2010 I cant help but feel bad for you I have had decades of dealing with an ex....not a good thing at all, the kids have to come first in all things Three plus years is a small price to pay in exchange for a possible lifetime of misery. Take care of yourself and your little girl...things have a way of getting better Best wishes! Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin G. Posted December 21, 2010 Share Posted December 21, 2010 Document everything she does going forward, and gather any documentation you have from past issues. (abuse) Be prepared to pay handsomely in lawyers fees if you want your daughter to live with you. Not sure how your state is, but that's all but an impossibility here in AL unless the mother proves to be a danger to the little girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miranda Posted December 21, 2010 Share Posted December 21, 2010 you have my sympathy. get a lawyer. there is no way to avoid that part. get a lawyer. yesterday was past the time you needed one after that, get a custody agreement. you want to have a period of time where you have your daughter full time. most times that ends up being summer. I'll leave it at; I have some nephews somewhere in Iowa.... miranda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chills1994 Posted December 21, 2010 Share Posted December 21, 2010 get genetic testing/paternity testing down now. go to Walgreen's and get a kit. get a sample of the daughter's DNA, blood, salivia swab, hair root sample, whatever it takes. do it now. I have had male coworkers who were in similar situations. The woman quickly makes it to a lawyer and bot-a-boom-bot-a-bing, the man is having his wages garnished lickety split before he even has a chance for his lawyer to request/demand a paternity or genetic testing. meanwhile the courts/judges drag their feet on the getting the test done and the man is getting something like $200 from each weekly paycheck automatically deducted....let's see $200 a week times 52 weeks in a year.... that equals $10,400. after sending the DNA thing off, then get a lawyer. sorry to hear about your predicament. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MTU_327PC Posted December 21, 2010 Author Share Posted December 21, 2010 My name is on my daughter's birth certificate and I will be meeting with a lawyer in the tomorrow morning. When everything hit the fan, all the lawyers in my area were out of town. I was thinking what are the chances, then remembered it's because I was in need of one... We'll see where we go. I talked with some of her family and felt I made some headway, but blood's thicker than water. One of those things that makes you grow up just a bit faster. GentleJim, I keep telling myself three years is short in comparison to a lifetime. And I'm glad it's now instead of later. Thanks for all the input. -Drew Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsb45acp Posted December 21, 2010 Share Posted December 21, 2010 PM sent. I feel for you brother, BTDT. Take care of yourself and your daughter. You are both in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hitman Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Things will get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MTU_327PC Posted December 22, 2010 Author Share Posted December 22, 2010 I know it'll get better, but I don't want to be the one that get's burned. It's a hard one to chew when you know you can provide more love, support, and physical well being. She's just assuming that the friend of the court will be in her favor and screw me over (her words last night). I'm hoping having a lawyer will help me. Otherwise I have a feeling I would truly be crucified. I don't hate her, but simply am disgusted by her. Last night she came home with my daughter around her bedtime and decided she was going to gather her financial data for some housing. My daughter kept bringing her book up to her wanting to be read too, but she kept shooing her away and getting frustrated by her. Of course my daughter came running to me with her book. It truly broke my heart knowing she wouldn't read to her daughter for five minutes before her bed time. I would really like to take my daughter's favorite book with me, but I know it wouldn't be fair to her. Thanks again for the help, -Drew Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mpeltier Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 The worst is her mother did this with my ex and her brother, then did it again with another man. Thanks, -Drew If you take anything positive out of this experiance at the very least, always remember "The fruit never falls far from the tree". Do everything you can to get custody of your Daughter, or she will inevitably fall to the same fate. Never give up and do what you can to make her a better person than your ex. As others have said, get a good lawyer, yesterday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MTU_327PC Posted December 22, 2010 Author Share Posted December 22, 2010 Talked to the lawyer and it wasn't positive. I should be able to get 50% legal guardianship where as physical will be the deal breaker. He said I'll be living too far for the kid to travel, my daughter is young and the mother is most likely chosen (even though I was the primary caregiver). Every other weekend for visitation isn't enough. Me driving eight hours to have my daughter see me in a hotel room isn't what I would consider parenting. He mentioned two weeks on then two off would be reasonable, but it's more likely one week a month. Since she's not in school that's not an issue of time of the year (summer vs. school year). To be honest I could live with one week, but I won't do less. Of course I'd do all the driving and have her from a Saturday to a Saturday. Unfortunately the area isn't the most father friendly, but was told it's getting more fair. I was sort of dissapointed with the lawyer, and think I may talk with another. As for the apple not falling far from the tree, it couldn't be any truer. My family and friends said they had a bad feeling about her, but of course backed me on what I want. Guess next time I'll listen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gohuskers Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Pretty rough stuff here, but like the others said, it will get better. Good luck to you, brother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smokshwn Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Along with the advice to get a good lawyer and fight for your daughter, make sure you take the time to get some help in correcting the underlying reasons why you chose a dysfunctional relationship with a clearly dysfuntional person. You also owe your daughter a father who can set a good example for her instead of continuing to make the same bad decisions again and again. Good Luck...work hard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Di Vita Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Just keep livin' brother. No matter what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjb45 Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 I had a similar problem but I was married. I thought my wife and daughter were going to follow me to my new job. It did not happen. Then I got you should not come into town because my family is here and they want to see our daughter. Stupid me, I put up with this for a couple of months, then I called a lawyer. She explained my rights. Thereafter, I flew into town every other week and either took my daughter back for the weekend or stayed in a hotel. All was documented. Then I had us to to counseling on Monday morning, then I flew back. I got my ducks in a row just in case it ended badly. Additionally, she tried to make it so I could not pick up my daughter at child care until they called her and she granted permission. I was patience with that practice only twice when I explained she is my daughter and you can not prevent me from taking her, I do not need anyone's permission. Trying to be a nice guy about it only cause less cooperation, explaining my legal rights rectified all issues. I was ready to fight tooth and nail for either full custody or shared physical; every other year or full-time in the summer. You are in a crappy place, you really want to ensure you spend enough physcial time with your daughter regardless of the financial strain, because sooner or later two things will happen; she will find a new man and want him to adopt you daughter or she will fight you for removing joint custody of her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singlestack Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 This Hate rant has turned into a discussion, which is beyond the bounds of the rules for the Hate Forum. Thus, it must be closed. Please review the Hate Forum Rules: http://www.brianenos.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=8097 [note: this is a generic response] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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