pmd Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 NINJA HAULER: 2005 Nissan Xterra - $12900 (Ronan / Lake County) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2008-11-19, 10:04PM MST OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly. It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop. This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is). No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once. It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man. My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore. There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo. Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash. To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants. Rock on. http://www.mydogscrap.com/ninjahauler.cfm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-JQ- Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Awesome - SPF! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slabbie Shooter Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 that's how car ads should read! Seriously though.. I own a 2002. When I first saw the 2005, my knees went weak and my heart skipped a beat. That is one stylish man wagon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmap Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 That's how a car ad should read. That'll get it sold in NO time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dale Rader Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 If it was just painted a "Tactical" flat black, it would be sold already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle O Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 I'm laughing so hard I can't hit my target with my ninja stars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gino_aki Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 (edited) OOPS! Did I just run over your Xterra with my F350? I'm sorry, let me toss it up in the bed and I'll take you, your um, beast, and your pants to get fixed. Real man trucks say Ford, Chevy, Dodge or GMC on the front. Edited April 17, 2009 by gino_aki Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
38supPat Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Real man trucks say Ford, Chevy, Dodge or GMC on the front. And you'll have lots of time to read it, since it will be parked on the side of the road as the Toyota and Nissans drive by....Ever wonder why third world technicals are always Toyotas and Nissans, can you imagine a Ford putting up with a 50cal kinda vibration, there'd be parts everywhere! Not to mention it's hard to get away from the Marines shooting at you while you're trying to get your chevy to crank over....lol Then again, Fords do have that nifty ladies step on the tailgate and sides.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlamoShooter Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 (edited) my wife drives one, I had to talk her -Out Of- the 4 weel drive. I have a F250 Super Duty 194,000 mile on the truck. Edited April 18, 2009 by AlamoShooter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gino_aki Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Real man trucks say Ford, Chevy, Dodge or GMC on the front. And you'll have lots of time to read it, since it will be parked on the side of the road as the Toyota and Nissans drive by....Ever wonder why third world technicals are always Toyotas and Nissans, can you imagine a Ford putting up with a 50cal kinda vibration, there'd be parts everywhere! Not to mention it's hard to get away from the Marines shooting at you while you're trying to get your chevy to crank over....lol Then again, Fords do have that nifty ladies step on the tailgate and sides.... I seem to recall a whole bunch of Chevy Blazers being used by them Marines, and gee ain't the Hummer a GMC? I'd mount a fifty on the back of my Ford any day, and those vehicles in the Dillon videos ain't no Toyotas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimmyZip Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 A Hummer is a GMC, but NOT a HMMV. They are AMC with an Allison transmission. (Or they used to be) The Hummer is a straight axle wannabe. The HMMV is a fully independent suspension with a diesel engine that will go places a Hummer only wishes it would go. The Hummer is what the lamest excuse for an off-road vehicle I have ever seen. I would rather buy a surplus HMMV than that over-priced, overweight nancy mobile! The reason technicals are Toyotas and Nissan is that unlike here in the US, American auto makers do not have the same worldwide parts distribution as the Japanese auto makers. While you can get parts, there is just not the same network. How many Ford/Chevy/Dodge dealers do you think there are in Asia/Africa vs Toyota/Nissan/Mitsubishi? It's really a matter of logistics and not quality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gino_aki Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 A Hummer is a GMC, but NOT a HMMV. They are AMC with an Allison transmission. (Or they used to be) The Hummer is a straight axle wannabe. The HMMV is a fully independent suspension with a diesel engine that will go places a Hummer only wishes it would go. The Hummer is what the lamest excuse for an off-road vehicle I have ever seen. I would rather buy a surplus HMMV than that over-priced, overweight nancy mobile! The reason technicals are Toyotas and Nissan is that unlike here in the US, American auto makers do not have the same worldwide parts distribution as the Japanese auto makers. While you can get parts, there is just not the same network. How many Ford/Chevy/Dodge dealers do you think there are in Asia/Africa vs Toyota/Nissan/Mitsubishi? It's really a matter of logistics and not quality. I forgot that, except about the Allison (GM) trans...and I know what they can do...was in Korea for a Team Spirit exercise and this SP4 slides off one of them too narrow dirt roads into a ditch. HumVee is standing straight up and down on its nose. Without missing a beat he pops it in reverse backs the thing straight up and back onto the ledge with the front wheels only and then motors on up the hill to the CP. That was a "Damn I gotta get me one of these!" moment. I suppose I'm settling for my F350 but deep down I've always been a Ford guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anubis Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Real man trucks say Ford, Chevy, Dodge or GMC on the front. Fixed it for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gino_aki Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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