tightloop Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I guess I don't really hate it as much as I am disappointed by what has happened over the years... This guy I know used to be happy and full of life...always had a smile on his face, ready with a joke or a song (yes he can sing and play the guitar). Always ready to help out a friend or just go have some fun....a guy who would try new things, new food, new places, new people. It just made you glad you knew him.. Well....that same person is now unhappy, and counting down the years till it is over. He is worn out by working hard his entire adult life doing physical work (compounded by physical issues caused by his rodeoing in his early years). He barely squeeks by on half his retirement (wife #7 gets the other half)), he works at a meanial job for 10 bucks an hour...long hours and longer drive to work (104 miles round trip). His 8th, and I hope final wife, is a wife of convenience. I think they love each other, but show no physical closeness or affection. He never does anything fun anymore, never sings or plays his guitar. Can't walk very well because of a circulation problem in his legs, his back aches all the time because of breaking it during his young adult life. He is almost a relucluse in his own home.. He abhores modern technology and will not even let me show him about learning the simpliest things on a PC...Says he hates them and won't have one in his house... He gets home from work and falls into his lounge chair and eats dinner and watches either the Western Channel or looping episodes of Law & Order...nothing else.... He is racist, and bigoted toward anyone not exactly like himself, even me..thinks I am too liberal. Won't go see the doctor to help his physical condition, won't go see the dentist to get his teeth worked on, just sits there and complains about everything and everybody... When I ask him why he is like he is, he says it is his house and he can do what he wants, when he wants to in his own home...that he can think what he wants to and nothing anyone says or does is going to change that... I hate what he has become when compared to what he used to be; and I have seen the entire thing develope in front of my eyes: he is my brother... It is bumming me out seeing him like this and trying to accept the fact that he probably is not going to change or accept any help to change...Damn!!!! It is sad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Ankeny Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 he is my brother... I am going through this with my twin brother. Makes me want to cry. In fact, I have... Best wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 At least YOUR brother spent SOME time out of the nest and in the world. You don't want to know about MY brother......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cking Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 IT called getting old, some do it gracefully, others just get ridged. The most common example I see is people that pinched pennys for years so they could have good retirement, now that they are retired they still can't change and spend the money, so they still take home sugar packs. Time and a hard life wear you down, essentially you become afraid. No longer willing to take a risk or really look at yourself in a truthfull light. You want it to be like it was when you were young and nieve. So many people have disappointed you over the years you don't trust anybody any more. I believe the older you get the harder it is to fall in love. Some become better with age and wisdom. Like a fine wine, others just turn to vinegar. I sure we could come up with some pyscho babble name for it, or some samurai warrior saying. For me it is don't stop learning, and work hard at being flexible and walking in the other guys shoes! IMHO and it won't buy you a cup of coffee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlamoShooter Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 This person deservs Your gratatude & Respect He may be your best teacher for this world. learn from him and learn it well. If you learn his lessons think how little time you will waste, Will you be a teacher of keepng your body healthy? Will you ? will you never put your self in a romantic relationship of conveniance. Will you remimber to teach kids to be Happy? I beleave when you disrespect other people or races, you disrespect yourself. I think when this happens it is a product of their own self image being low. Not so much of how they are now is what change the self image, the self image is what caused the change. Maybe you have grown to be a better person and can not see how much you have improved. Maybe 5 10 years ago the guy would have seamed like a normal guy. Jamie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clay1 Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I don't pretend to have any answers, I don't know you or your brother. A comment on what this reminded me of is that depression is real and alive in America. Sounds like he is yelling for help to me, he is just scared of actually accepting it. There aren't any easy answers. He's just damn lucky to have someone like you who cares about him enough to keep him company and listen to him. Don't give up on him. Rick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tightloop Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 Alamo Shooter...I respect what you are trying to tell me. I believe it is a case of the glass turning from half full to half empty....fear and depression along with the knowledge that the world belongs to the young and when you cannot exist in their world of PDA's, phones that take pictures, paperless banking and shopping over the internet you grow to fear and despise it...You fear that which you don;t know or understand and also fear that you cannot learn to function in that society....you fear that the world has passed you by and there is no way for you to catch up... I cannot address the racism and bigotry, nor will I try. Suffice it to say it is a very sad state of affairs for him, his wife and all his relatives...we do what we can for him, because we love him, but there has to be some effort on his side if there is to be any progress... We just do what we can and pray for guidance.... As fas as me being a teacher, I am still learning. I will help to guide, and give personal experiences, but my scope of reference is very narrow and could only teach him on topics he has no interest in... As far as me having a romantic relationship of convenience...NO One wants to grow old alone..but i would rather do that than lie to someone just to get them to marry me...love must grow from within your heart. It must be a two way street and both parties must have committment for it to last...Truth and honesty are paramount in a relationship, no matter the age of the participants....if you don;'t have those, you have nothing.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ima45dv8 Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 NO One wants to grow old alone..but i would rather do that than lie to someone just to get them to marry me...love must grow from within your heart. It must be a two way street and both parties must have committment for it to last...Truth and honesty are paramount in a relationship, no matter the age of the participants....if you don;'t have those, you have nothing.... And you say you aren't a teacher. That last paragraph is a fine lesson in itself. Stay strong and just keep loving him. ...Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bountyhunter Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 He is racist, and bigoted toward anyone not exactly like himself, even me..thinks I am too liberal. Won't go see the doctor to help his physical condition, won't go see the dentist to get his teeth worked on, just sits there and complains about everything and everybody...When I ask him why he is like he is, he says it is his house and he can do what he wants, when he wants to in his own home...that he can think what he wants to and nothing anyone says or does is going to change that... Doesn't really sound like he changed so much as what was in there all along has just eaten him up from the inside. I spent some formative years in Louisiana, when I was 18 I hated everybody who was different. It's not a terminal illness, anybody can choose to turn it around.The bad thing is that people don't realize that carrying that hate around for long enough destroys them and leaves just what you described. Don't have a magic solution. Living in a free country means people are free to choose to be miserable. Praying for him never hurts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 It hurts - a lot - to see someone you love spiral down into the well of despair and unhappiness.. My brother also. From a vibrant, intelligent and very humorous person to cancer then a major heart attack and finally manic depression and paranoia. Lives in a shack in the woods with no running water or indoor plumbing. I feel and understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dajarrel Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 tightloop, I hate to hear it. All you can do is love him for what you have known him to be and then accept him for what he is. Best of luck. dj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j1b Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Tightloop, You are, without question, an incredible human being. It is evident in every post you make. I am clearly in no position to offer advice and therefor won't. I think it is incredible that you love your brother like you do, I believe everyone should know love like that. I think it is incredible that lead by example, that you see and live the tough things your brother is going through and you choose to lead by example the better path. I am in one hand sympathetic because I can't comprehend what you are experiencing. But I do know that you are an individual who can make these things right. That you can lead, that you can influence, that you can overcome. I know this not because I know you per se. I know this because I read your posts and I can see your scope of influence. You and your brother are of course in my thoughts. Jack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schmitz Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 (edited) Merlin, David... few options, except my deepest sympathy and best wishes. I'll burn a candle. Henny. Edited October 21, 2005 by schmitz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlamoShooter Posted October 22, 2005 Share Posted October 22, 2005 Tighloop You are allready a teacher, you shared that you are care for a friend even though you see his faults, Just by sharring you may help someone think about who thay could help. I herd in a movie a line i like "She knows the worst about me and she still loves me". isn't nice that we taulk about loving our friends. I have ben lucky to make new brothers. I can help some friends, but I can not get my mother to take care of her health. Jamie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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