Will_M Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Whoa buddy. I made this same mistake myself a couple months ago. I still catch crap for it. Be prepared to catch crap with it for a LONG time if you intend to stay with this girl. Everyone else has given great advice, which I totally agree with. Except the weightwatchers membership thing. (although if you decide to do that, can I have your guns? PM me for my contact info). If a girl stops taking care of herself, I take that as a personal insult because she doesn't care enough about our relationship/me to do so. However you need to keep in mind that if you DO intend to stay with her, she needs to be aware that you are attracted to her for her personality AS WELL AS her looks. Think about it this way: If you started gaining a lot of weight, stopped bathing, etc; would you blame her for being less attracted to you?? -Will PS: dead serious about the guns. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimmyZip Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Yeah, you should have started that line of conversation with the statement, "Honey, you know that I love you and want you and I to live long and grow old together...." From there you could have stated how you feel diet is important, and that what you and she eat is in no small part a factor in how you feel, and your health. The whole while never actually saying what you think about what she is eating, but rather what you both should be eating. Better yet, cook for her often. Then there is no excuse and you can have some control over the issue without saying anything. People can/will change, but rarely when and where you wish. You really need to think about wether this is something you want to pursue further. If she isn't overweight, and she isn't overeating, examples and control by cooking for her are probably your best bet. Most ladies will not want to look like a pig if you are always showing constraint in your actions yourself. Good luck, you will need it now. Her antennae will be up for this line for a long time. JZ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimberkid Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Get her a $150-$200 gift card for Fredricks of Hollywood. This tells her how attractive you find her, as well as provides some self motivation for her. I do this once a year or so for my lady and it always works. My lady does not have a stellar body, but she is beautiful to me, and she always appreciates this gift. best of luck dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirveyr Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 (edited) Pretty girls are crazy. Pretty and crazy are directly proportional. I know this because I married their leader. Good luck, brother! It will be fine in a few days. Actually, you are screwed for quite some time... Edited December 21, 2009 by sirveyr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaymondMillbrae Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 (edited) There are a couple of things to realize here: 1) You are who you are. Either you need to PERMANENTLY change your way of thinking to suite her needs...or stay the way you are. (I believe changing SOME THINGS is a balancing act that helps you to grow together, and teaches her that she is important to you). But then again, she needs to accept who you are, as your personality is not going to change if you get married. 2) You need to accept her for who she is. I hate to say it, but if yall get married...she WILL change. And I guarantee you, based on the 2nd law of thermal dynamics, it will be not for the better. (Anything with order will eventually break down to a state of disorder - known as aging). Guys add a few "sagging areas" in specific spots, as do women in other areas. It's just a fact of life. 3) She will get "gordita" in time, especially if she likes to eat goodies. (Whatever that may be). If yall are younger, her metabolism is keeping everything at bay for the moment. But as she gets older, and keeps the same eating habits...age will not work any longer to hold the inevitable back. She will get gordita in areas. 4) Don't focus so much on her "looks". Like I mentioned earlier, they will eventually go away. Instead, focus on who she is as a person. Is she pretty and superficial? Or is she caring, warm, and someone you would pick to be the right person to raise your sons and daughters down the road? 5) You have to like her. She must FIRST be your best friend. (This is who you will, possibly, be spending the rest of your life with). And if she is constantly getting hung-up on petty things like this, then consider her character. This is what you will have to dea with in the future...but worst. (As she gets more and more comfortable with you, her restraint of her emotions will come down...so get ready for worst). Bottom line, be yourselves, and see where it goes. If this is such a big deal to her (petty as heck if you ask me), then maybe she is not for you. Don't change yourself for her too much. Because in time, you will also lose the willingness to restrain your true feelings to make her all nice and happy...and YOU may not be what she wanted in a man. If life is a balancing act, then marriage is like walking on the razors edge. It looks impossible at first - but once you get each others eccentricities down, you can do it all day, every day, and you will even look forward to it. Be best friends first...then go from there. In Christ: Raymond Edited December 21, 2009 by RaymondMillbrae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zim Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Seriously, I can't believe I made it to the bottom of this thread! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkyScrapin Posted December 21, 2009 Author Share Posted December 21, 2009 Pretty girls are crazy. Pretty and crazy are directly proportional. I know this because I married their leader.Good luck, brother! It will be fine in a few days. Actually, you are screwed for quite some time... Well she's crazy for me. I'm crazy for her too though. She's always been eye candy if ya know what I mean. I still look at her and think, wow. There are a couple of things to realize here:1) You are who you are. Either you need to PERMANENTLY change your way of thinking to suite her needs...or stay the way you are. (I believe changing SOME THINGS is a balancing act that helps you to grow together, and teaches her that she is important to you). But then again, she needs to accept who you are, as your personality is not going to change if you get married. 2) You need to accept her for who she is. I hate to say it, but if yall get married...she WILL change. And I guarantee you, based on the 2nd law of thermal dynamics, it will be not for the better. (Anything with order will eventually break down to a state of disorder - known as aging). Guys add a few "sagging areas" in specific spots, as do women in other areas. It's just a fact of life. 3) She will get "gordita" in time, especially if she likes to eat goodies. (Whatever that may be). If yall are younger, her metabolism is keeping everything at bay for the moment. But as she gets older, and keeps the same eating habits...age will not work any longer to hold the inevitable back. She will get gordita in areas. 4) Don't focus so much on her "looks". Like I mentioned earlier, they will eventually go away. Instead, focus on who she is as a person. Is she pretty and superficial? Or is she caring, warm, and someone you would pick to be the right person to raise your sons and daughters down the road? 5) You have to like her. She must FIRST be your best friend. (This is who you will, possibly, be spending the rest of your life with). And if she is constantly getting hung-up on petty things like this, then consider her character. This is what you will have to dea with in the future...but worst. (As she gets more and more comfortable with you, her restraint of her emotions will come down...so get ready for worst). Bottom line, be yourselves, and see where it goes. If this is such a big deal to her (petty as heck if you ask me), then maybe she is not for you. Don't change yourself for her too much. Because in time, you will also lose the willingness to restrain your true feelings to make her all nice and happy...and YOU may not be what she wanted in a man. If life is a balancing act, then marriage is like walking on the razors edge. It looks impossible at first - but once you get each others eccentricities down, you can do it all day, every day, and you will even look forward to it. Be best friends first...then go from there. In Christ: Raymond Your like a god with you input. Every correlation you made is relatively close to what IS happening or HAS happened. She is my best friend. I wish I had the time to type out all the trouble I have been in. She never once doubted me which is half the reason I got my life turned around. She's mentally strong too. Seriously, I can't believe I made it to the bottom of this thread! Would you rather be in my position? Probably not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkyScrapin Posted December 21, 2009 Author Share Posted December 21, 2009 On top of everything, I still get my programmer! We had a talk which SUCKKKKKED but it was the only way to get things better. I see it's going to take a while but we will eventually learn from this and be stronger as a couple. Good stuff guys. Thanks for all the help. Preston Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary1911A1 Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Tell her you love her and can't live without her. Tell her to do it for you as your life would be empty without her in it so she needs to stay health so you both can grow old together. It's the truth isn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wide45 Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Tell her you love her and can't live without her. Tell her to do it for you as your life would be empty without her in it so she needs to stay health so you both can grow old together. It's the truth isn't it? "Baby, stop being so fat and lazy, so I can be happy." Think real hard about about what you are saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-JQ- Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Didn't any women on this board see fit to help out a fellow member here??? The silence is frightening. ALWAYS remember: A closed mouth gathers no foot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duane Thomas Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 So, where's that promised picture? Hm? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmoney Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Sounds to me like you need to take control of the situation right now. Sniveling and groveling at her feet may provide a short-term solution, but in the long run they will condemn you to a life of hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jasonub Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 or you can say " honey is it me or are the doors getting narrower when you pass through it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pittbug Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 As Sheriff Jim once said (sorry I'm paraphrasing): "Don't criticize your wife's faults, they may be what stopped her from getting a better husband" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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