Reality Of Expectations

[j1b]

As many of you know - I'm getting back into the game after a fairly lengthy leave of absence. Tonight I shot my second match in several years. It was an IDPA match - and I had a lot of fun.

I lost though. Granted winning isn't everything, but I realized that I'm not where I need to be. I am not in a position to skirt off and shoot anything major this season. I would be setting myself up for incredible dissappointment.

I realized that I need competition, not in terms of people because I've lost both matches I've shot. I know there are good shooters to measure myself against. I simply need to compete. The guy who beat me tonight is an excellent shooter, but two years ago I generally had to fumble to lose, and tonight I did fumble - but I probably would have lost anyhow.

There is an edge one gains from shooting competition that practice can't bring. I need to practice - no doubt. And I will practice so I can get the skill set back to where it needs to be. But I need to shoot matches. Local matches that challenge me at first, that give me confidence in the end. Tonight I left deflated and defeated. I was angry because I couldn't win - not today.

Sore loser? Possibly. Mike has beaten me many times in the past. When I first started shooting IDPA he thumped me regularly and I was able to catch up. It took time though. And it took relearning how to compete. Not to shoot - but to compete. Competition for me means executing at high levels and currently - I just can't do that. Physically I can - but I am not prepared to - and only shooting pistol matches will get that done for me.

I don't know if I'm going to hit the MO State match or not. I had been trying to contact IDPA to see if I could get into nationals, and I know I will not be doing that. I could practice everyday, I could get my skills to the highest level, and still not be ready. I know this now. I am frustrated with this to no end, but I know it. Two years ago I started shooting again after another lengthy layoff. I got back in and I struggled much like I am today. I spent probably five months shooting matches - not practicing at all - but shooting matches. I shot probably three a month. My two big matches of the season I won. Both of them. But I knew I could execute because I'd done it enough times locally and I knew I had plenty of big match experience to handle the pressures.

Today that is where I am at. I need to continue to practice, but I simply need to compete. Shoot matches and lose, get back up, and shoot again. Shoot until I win one. Then lose. Then win again. Then again. Then again. Get to the point where I know what I can do on demand, and execute.

I guess this is my diary. My opportunity to write it all down and by virtue of that - get it all figured out. I've probably bored everyone that has read this post up to this point, but selfishly I would say this post was more for me than anyone else. It makes it all real, and allows me to continue to improve.

Thanks for allowing me to be selfish.

Jack

[TDean]

Your attitude is perfect, I think. You're on the right course.

Not under/over inflation, just reality. You'll deal with it, and eventually get to where you feel you should be,.....where you know you should be.

[Flexmoney]

Today that is where I am at. I need to continue to practice, but I simply need to compete. Shoot matches and lose, get back up, and shoot again. Shoot until I win one. Then lose. Then win again. Then again. Then again. Get to the point where I know what I can do on demand, and execute.

I have been waiting to hear you say that.

(There is no win or lose...just you and the course of fire.)

[Nik Habicht]

Jack,

I'm glad to hear you're struggling ---- you're gonna be amazed at what you're going to learn about yourself. Some stuff you'll re-realize and other things will be totally new.

And FWIW, I find it fascinating to read about both what others are getting out of this game and what they're struggling with.....

We're a richer group with you in our midst as a competitor.

[Loves2Shoot]

To complete is to win.

So just go out and complete each stage the best you can. Some days it will be good enough for HOA and sometimes you just got to go shoot guns.

A day shooting guns is better than most.

[SiG Lady]

Your personal insights are collectively reassuring and right-on.

A day shooting guns is better than most.

...and that statement was valid, too!

[PaulW]

Jack,

Awesome post. Not boring at all. To some degree I am in a similiar situation whereas I decided to build a new gun about a year ago. It was not suppose to take this long (started with major 9 and then decided to switch back to super). Anyways my point is I have been borrowing guns and ammo both to shoot a few matches. Got DQ from Area 6 using someone else's gun. I get so frusturated and mad when I screw up or have gun problems (which has been the norm lately) that I was ready to say screw it and take up golf. But after much patience my gun "should" be done next week. Thank goodness. I am so ready to jump back into it and work my tail off to get back where I was. I have lost some, mostly confidence because of the long layoff. Time behind the trigger, local matches and big matches I hope to jump that hurddle pretty fast. I look forward to the challenge.

[j1b]

Hey all-

Had an agonizing day at work today - and thought about shooting all day. My job is very - very detail oriented, and very "be accountable" oriented. It is the type of job that requires you be on your game when you aren't on your game. It was a neat challenge.

I Thank You all again for letting me spill my guts on this web site. The post that started this thread was absolutely refreshing for me. Frustrating too, but refreshing.

I guess I needed to know that in order to do what I want to do, it will take time, and a special blend of "practice". In my shooting career I never really felt like the guys who only shot matches would ever get there because they never practiced. That was easy for me to say - because I competed all the time, and I practiced all the time. Thankfully I can say that getting a lot of the skill set back should be very doable. Obviously I need to get that match shooting mind set back.

AR State IDPA Championship in 2001 was one of the pinnacles of my shooting career. I simply executed at a very high level. I was confident yet still attentive. Not arrogant, not at that phase where I knew I could do anything I wanted. It was like - I knew I could do what I needed to do, but I knew that in order to get that done I had to be scared that I couldn't do what I needed to do. Some type of confidence that insured that by being paranoid, I would get it done.

Strangely I feel exactly like that today about getting back to that level. I know I'll get there again because I am scared to death that I won't get there again. In addition, knowing that I know I can get there makes me that much more paranoid about not getting there. Its a vicious cycle that excites me and loses me sleep - but God its fun.

I can't say enough about how much I appreciate your support. Hopefully someday I'll be on the podium at some match and one of you will walk up with these pages printed off - you'll look at me and say "what the &^%*& where you so worried about?"

Thanks!

JB

[TDean]

Sure, as long as I have to hand the papers DOWN to you and not UP!

(visualize the podium)

[j1b]

I guess we'll see about that

[Bill Nesbitt]

Jack,

I have been thinking about your post for several days. I realize I am not worthy to give you words of advice. However, I can give you words of encouragement.

I remember when you were one of the top shooters. I can't imagine the feeling when you realized things have changed.

When you said you lost the match, which loser were you? First loser, second loser or surely not last place?

I shoot because I love to shoot. I also like it a lot when I win. I realize that you are looking to be more of a winner than me, but don't lose the love of shooting that drives us all.

I know you will work through your problems. It will take time and practice. I agree that you will need to shoot more matches. If the only time you shoot is at "The Big Match" it will be a big match with the included pressures instead of "just another match".

Good luck.

Bill Nesbitt

[j1b]

Bill,

I think you hit all the nails on the head.

I am more comfortable with where I am at today than I was a few days ago. I know more about myself and what I have to do. One thing I did drastically wrong was I announced my comeback. In so many ways that was simply a joke. I know why I did it - I forced myself to do what I said I was going to do. But to build it up in the manner I did was both egotistical, and laughable. I feel better about things today - because I am more comnfortable knowing what has to happen.

I still love to shoot. Even through the frustrations of the past couple of weeks, it was great to pull the trigger. Winning means a lot to me, because as much as I Love to shoot I also Love to compete. But in the end this is all just a hobby for me.

Last week I was third I think. The first match I was fourth. I did some scores analysis on the first match - I lost by 30 points. On my first stage I'd had a major jam. The winning time was 8 seconds and mine was 46 seconds. On the 60 point stage I earned 12 points, a 48 point loss to the match winner (he won that stage). I won two of the other stages. Then on one stage I had two misses. If I would have tweaked things just a bit, I probably would have won. If the jam hadn't happend - I probably would have won. I'f I'd had one miss instead of two - probably would have won. So in the end - despite my frustrations, there were some highlights. And I realize that there is simply some tweaking that has to happen. Some adjustments that will simply require some match time and some practice.

So in the end - the lessons I've learned are valuable. I'm not who I was, and my comback isn't a comeback - its just me shooting again. I don't know who I thought I was to think it would be anything different then simply me shooting again. I learned that I need to compete, and build my tool box back up of things I can do.

I really appreciate your post - and I welcome all advice. After all - I am a newbie again

JB

[Jeeper]

After all - I am a newbie again

JB

I think that might be a little off!

[Ron Ankeny]

Ok guys, let's all remember... when the old BarneStormer wins the Nationals in a couple of years it's just Jack back shooting for fun.

Seriously Jack, I really enjoy reading your posts. You are in a very unique position, having been at the top of the heap, leaving, then coming back with a different perspective. Please keep on posting. I am learning a lot from your adventure.

[Sam]

A couple of years ago I came to the point in my journey where I realized something. The amout of practice time required to have a positive impact in competition is extraordinary when compared to other things in life. For example: 30 minutes a night spent dry-firing is required to "maintain" my proficiency at a certain level. Then, I go to a match and battle it out for placement in a class with other similarly prepared competitors. By the time the next match rolls around, how brilliant I was, or wasn't, is almost totally forgotton. But, 30 minutes discussing life with my 9 year old may have a positive impact on her and her world forever.

"Daddy, why do so many people want to blow each other up?" Her world is just as complicated and scary as the one I was 9 years old in. I remember the adults discussing war with the Soviet Union and "nuclear winter". Nobody really took the time to talk to me about that and so, in fear, I looked for my own answers. Man, I don't want my kid looking for answers in same places I did. Also, I wonder how many marriages have been broken up over the persuit of recognition in a sport?

My wife needs me. My Mom needs me. My friends need a friend as badly as I do. Many people who manage to work their way into the life of a professional shooter are essentially working two jobs. I try to keep this in mind when I encounter these people at a match. They they are working while I am playing. I need to respect that.

Instead of setting my sights on being a Grand Master, maybe I'll just do my best to be a good one. How well I finish in life is way more important than how I finish at a big match. "Let us run with endurance...."

[rhino]

Back to expectations ...

A couple of weeks ago, I shot my best El Prez ever, by far. I went under eight seconds and got all of my hit, whereas I'd never gone below ten seconds with all of my hits before that. I would have been happy to go below ten, and ectstatic to go below nine. I was amazed to shoot 51 points in 7.93 seconds.

So today I shot 52 points in 8.87 seconds (HF = 5.8625) in my Lim10 run, then 50 points in 8.38 seconds (HF = 5.966), and my first reaction was that I was irritated both by the low points and by the time.

Now, that's #3 and #2 of all of the El Prezes I've shot in my life, but because my expectations are raised, they mean nothing to me.

This is a weird feeling for me.