Preventing Rape

[SA Friday]

I thought long and hard about if I wanted to post about this or not. This has the potential to go sideways, but I just want to get this out. Regardless, here it is:

I currently work writing policy and regulation for a major Federal LE organization. Part of my section's job is to write policy on how the field units deal with rape/sexual assault/sodomy allegations, when to investigate, when to refer to another agency, etc. It's tougher than you think. So, for the last week, I have reviewed over 150 rape/sexual assaults/sodomy cases. The joke in the shop is that I go home every night, cry in a hot shower, and scrub myself with a loofa (sp).... None of these cases involved children. (I get to review the child ones later )

The point of all of this is I have come to the realization that almost every one of the legitimate allegations could have been prevented. There are a few scary types out there that nothing could have prevented, but for the most part, 99% could have been stopped if either the subject or the victim were taught differently by their parents. I don't blame parents for the incidents, but moreso see that certain theologys were not seated into their kids at a younger age. No parent thinks of their kids being involved in an allegation or situation like this, and it's really just like doing what one can to stop our kids from doing drugs.

Out of the 150+ cases, only two involved acutal physical violence to subdue the victim. ONLY 2! This is also consistant in what I've seen in 9 years of LE. Alcohol was a factor in 95% of the cases, and 3/4 of these the victim willingly drank to the point of diminished capacity (passed out or blacked out). The rest, the victim stated they were afraid to resist and didn't physically or verbally resist. None of the cases involved a complete stranger. NONE OF THEM! The majority of them involved a subject that they KNEW BY NAME.

I believe that 90% of these cases could have been stopped if the the following principles were instilled into these subjects and victims.

Boys MUST, MUST, MUST be taught to respect women. Boys also must be instilled with an understanding that sex is not casual. It can HURT the woman physically, mentally and emotionally. Boys can NEVER have sex with a woman who does not have the ability to say no. Anything other than "I want to have sex with you" is NO. I don't care how she acts or dresses. Hell, I don't care if she's standing there naked, The answer is no until stated otherwise. This is pretty simple stuff, but some young men are obviously not hearing this enough if at all.

Girls MUST, MUST, MUST be taught to DEFEND themselves. Empower them with the right and skills to stop the average sexual offender. "I was afraid he would hurt me, so I didn't do anything" is the WRONG way. Being sexually violated IS getting hurt, just in a different way. Physically and verbally (loudly) fight until the offender either stops the attack, escalates the attack to physical violence, or threatens you with a weapon. In the latter two cases, stop attacking and defend only (descalate). Girls must be taught that drinking to the point of passing out is stupid. Doing this is trusting that ANYONE around them has the morals to not take advantage of them, and arbitrarily trusting anyone is stupid.

Ultimately, every one of those cases was a separate situation, but damn there were a lot of consistancies too. There is no tried and true blueprint on how to stop every offense. It really comes down to instilling right from wrong in our kids, but it's obviously not happening consistantly in society. Both of my sons know/will know if they pulled some crap like getting a girl drunk to have sex with her, I will personally drag their bleeding carcass to the police station myself. My daughter has been in karate for 2 years now, and I work on trying to stop the victimology mind set we seem to instill in our women with her regularly.

I know this is pretty heavy, expecially for a shooting forum. Sorry about that, maybe I should have put this in the hate section.

[SV_shooter]

People just don't respect eachother like they used too. Your post is important. it teaches us that these attrocities can be avoided with a little awareness brought on by parents, teachers, or other mentors. We live in a sick world. your post proves this. it angers me to no end. Parents, don't let your children grow up to be rapists or victims. You are their only salvation.

SA Friday. thanks for the statistics.

[Hoofy]

Thanks Sean.

A parent of 2 teenagers

[Al Capizzo]

I think I posted this before, but my own daughter was nearly a rape victim. Some crack head broke into her apartment while she and her roommate were asleep. She woke up to a guy standing in her doorway. To make a long story short, she did fight him, and he eventually ran off.

Resitance is MANDATORY. It turned out bad enough emotionally, but could have been much, much worse.

The police really took care of her and made extra efforts, one told her, "its not often we see someone who really is an innocent victim".

[GentlemanJim]

Just reading the reports is subjecting you to trauma!!

Do the job you have to do....we will say a word or two asking that you too be watched over.

Jim

[zhunter]

Thanks for your post!!

Father of a 13 year old daughter

[carinab]

I would add that girls should be taught that the decision to fight has to be made ahead of time. That way there isn't any question of what to do, it will be instinct with no room for negotiation. My daughter is 6 and nearly has her orange belt. By the time she reaches dating age, I hope that I will have provided her with enough skills to where any boy she encounters had know better than to try that stuff. And if he hasn't had enough, Mom will finish the job and kick his butt to the next county! I wish I had been taught better when I was younger. I only resisted verbally instead of physically fighting when I had the chance. Luckily my loud insults attracted attention and rather then rape, I only suffered in a punch to the jaw.

[chp5]

Thanks for this post SA Friday.

[pjb45]

Thanks for the post. Father of a 16 year old daughter!

[SA Friday]

I would add that girls should be taught that the decision to fight has to be made ahead of time. That way there isn't any question of what to do, it will be instinct with no room for negotiation. My daughter is 6 and nearly has her orange belt. By the time she reaches dating age, I hope that I will have provided her with enough skills to where any boy she encounters had know better than to try that stuff. And if he hasn't had enough, Mom will finish the job and kick his butt to the next county! I wish I had been taught better when I was younger. I only resisted verbally instead of physically fighting when I had the chance. Luckily my loud insults attracted attention and rather then rape, I only suffered in a punch to the jaw.

The thought process on what to teach and how to teach girls and women about dealing with rape and sexual assaults has changed over the years. The consept of acquaintance's being the bad person vs a stranger played a lot into it. 50 years ago, I suspect acquaintance rapes were occurring, but not reported or recorded. They are now in the open per se. Because of this, fighting back is a much more feasible and realistic mind set. Take the bruise. The bruise is evidence. In every rape/sexual assault law out there (yes there is a different one for almost every state and even the different Fed laws) the element of force brought against the victim is a factor in proving the allegation. Getting this point explained and out to the ones at risk is just not done well. If the cops can't prove it, the lawyers can't prosecute it. Diminished mental capacity or a weapon possessed by the assailant changes things, and fighting can be too dangerous at that point, but being LOUD is the way to go. What to say? FIRE! Help doesn't always work unfortunately, but everyone will run to a fire for some reason.

Edited February 12, 2008 by SA Friday

[GlockSpeed31]

I think this is a great post topic. Thank you for what you do and for posting this. Do you mind if I repost this elsewhere (with credit going to you or just mentioning from someone in the LEO field)?

Thanks again.

Father of 2 young boys (that will know right from wrong)!

[SA Friday]

I think this is a great post topic. Thank you for what you do and for posting this. Do you mind if I repost this elsewhere (with credit going to you or just mentioning from someone in the LEO field)?

Thanks again.

Father of 2 young boys (that will know right from wrong)!

Be my guest.