Training For Wholeness

[Calamity Jane]

Wholeness: constituting the entirety of a person's nature or development.

I was training at the YMCA today and I noticed the gym floor has all kinds of lines on it which could be used as shooting boxes. I asked myself, "Am I really going to go down there and run around on that gym floor with a pretend gun in my hand?" And the answer was, "Yep." Now I really don't want to do that because I know it is going to LOOK really weird to some people. However, I know that in order for me to master this movement thing I've got to actually MOVE.

I've been thinking about where I'm at with my shooting. I have been training. I have skills, but I'm not integrated. It is so frustrating. I can shoot accurately. I can move quickly. I can run mental programs in my head. I can call my shots. I just can't make it all come together at the same time.

I'm looking forward to the day when my conscious, my subconscious, and my physical ability will all become one. I'm training for wholeness. It's the quest for wholeness that drives me. I want to know what it feels like when it all comes together. I may never win anything but if I can feel the power of when it all comes together….it will be worth it. I literally tear up thinking about it because I want it so bad.

Anyone out there know what I'm talking about?

[Putty]

I know about donut holeness...

It will come. As soon as you stop trying so hard (i.e. get out of your own way) and have no expectations about your performance. The best I ever performed was when I didn't remember what I did........which was once or twice

[benos]

To be cliche...

... Train, and train, and train... but don't forget to keep letting go (of your training) when you have to do it. Then the whole will overtake you when you least expect it. After an unqualifiable but significant amount of training, the degree to which it doesn't overtake you will be in proportion to how much you want it to.

The training and your skills are the result of your "wanting." But to do, the paradox is that you must just do, and to just do - you must leave everything related to wanting behind.

But if it should happen, it makes it all worth it. "It" will probably leave a mark that will never go away. Although of no "use" - it feels like a state of "merging" - where actor, will, and action all become one thing.

be

[carinab]

Wholeness: constituting the entirety of a person's nature or development.

I was training at the YMCA today and I noticed the gym floor has all kinds of lines on it which could be used as shooting boxes. I asked myself, "Am I really going to go down there and run around on that gym floor with a pretend gun in my hand?" And the answer was, "Yep."

I may never win anything but if I can feel the power of when it all comes together….it will be worth it. I literally tear up thinking about it because I want it so bad.

Anyone out there know what I'm talking about?

Girl, if you got the time and means, do as Brian says. Train until you can't train anymore. I understand the thirst and know just what you are talking about. But in my case, I took on responsibilities and those have to come before the things I want. If you have the opportunity to do it, don't even question yourself. Just go and learn to let it go! Turn it loose and watch it perform! You belong and you can do it!

[BritinUSA]

This is one of those weird mental things. We try to achieve something that can only be achieved by 'not trying'. It's this contradiction that drives me nuts, I want to consciously control my shooting but the only way to shoot better is to shoot unconsciously.

The training will help, it will not get you to that point by itself but it will help to create an environment where you can achieve this 'wholeness'.

I am reminded of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, not sure which book but it's the one where Arthur Dent has been spending years learning how to fly. Apparently the basic trick is to throw yourself at the ground... and miss.

He only manages it when he is distracted at the last minute during a fall and forgets to hit the ground.

I think this is all related (or I'm full of crap, either one is remotely possible). I think you will reach 'wholeness' when you forget to try to reach it, when you forget about the sights, the round count and where you have to move to during the stage. You will forget the reload, the target transitions and you will just shoot. You will finish the stage and the RO will say UNLOAD and SHOW CLEAR and you will say , "What the heck just happened ?"

You will have achieved wholeness, it can will happen. It happened to me once. It has never happened since, this makes me sad and a generally crappy, incosistent shooter. I wish you more success than I have had.

[XRe]

Learning to let go and trust that all the training I've done has been effective is the hard part, for me. I'm still in a big relearning and rebuilding phase, and it leaves me somewhere inbetween "consciously incompetent" and "consciously competent", still not quite getting to the desired "unconsciously competent" zone we're all looking for, but never seem to stay in.

The training... for me, finding and plugging the holes in my skills, and following other recommended practices like journalling, etc, all help the trust and confidence in my skills. When I feel comfortable with my skills, and know what I can do, I feel much more willing to let go, and feel much less self-conscience when something doesn't go quite as desired or planned. Somewhere in there, I've found that spot Brian describes, where I just don't want/desire/care anymore, and just do - I've done that on some occasions, and it's pure joy.

It'll happen. I feel comfortable trusting that, now - if I do my job, and do the work (both physical and mental practice, etc), it will come together when I let it. And I've found (again, just as Brian says) that the more I want that thing to happen so much... the more I try to hang on to making it happen, and the more frustrated I get, and the further and further I move away from being there. I hate that feeling - I know exactly what you mean

It sounds strange to say that the way to get it is to not want it - and it's not exactly true - but there it is... I've never stopped wanting to be in that spot (in "the zone" or whatever you want to call it) - but I've learned that it has to find me, not the other way around. If I'm patient, and do my job, and trust my skills and get out of the way and let it happen, it'll be there...

[benos]

After years of hard work and training, allowing your skills to emerge at the right moment becomes the final hurdle. Of course, self-important concerns such as - "It's the Nationals," or "What if I screw up," or the unrealistic, unconscious comparison between your skills - assessed after a long day of practice - and "I've only got one chance to do it - It's the match!!!" - make the final hurdle a bit taller than the rest. But that's why it's so much fun.

[Loves2Shoot]

After years of hard work and training, allowing your skills to emerge at the right moment becomes the final hurdle. Of course, self-important concerns such as - "It's the Nationals," or "What if I screw up," or the unrealistic, unconscious comparison between your skills - assessed after a long day of practice - and "I've only got one chance to do it - It's the match!!!" - make the final hurdle a bit taller than the rest. But that's why it's so much fun.

Well said.

I think shooting is the easy part, getting the desire out of the way the hard part for me.

BE's advise of experienceing each shot has made a huge difference in my progression in this sport. As an observer everthing seems easier and faster, as "tryer" things tend go bad quickly.

[Calamity Jane]

To be cliche...

... Train, and train, and train... but don't forget to keep letting go (of your training) when you have to do it. Then the whole will overtake you when you least expect it. After an unqualifiable but significant amount of training, the degree to which it doesn't overtake you will be in proportion to how much you want it to.

The training and your skills are the result of your "wanting." But to do, the paradox is that you must just do, and to just do - you must leave everything related to wanting behind.But if it should happen, it makes it all worth it. "It" will probably leave a mark that will never go away. Although of no "use" - it feels like a state of "merging" - where actor, will, and action all become one thing.

be

Perhaps Nike has it right. "Just do it". I've spent the last hour just thinking about the paradox of wanting/desire vs. doing. The visual image that has come to me is a gallon jug of water. If a gallon jug of water is full there is no room for anything else. BUT if you poor out some water then you can add something else to the jug to make it full. Perhaps I need to "poor out" some of my desire and wanting to make room for the "doing" that I am longing for. How does one poor out wanting and desire from their heart? I'm back to that word I don't like…..TRUST.

I'm thankful for the mental aspect of this game. I'm glad it isn't just about pointing a gun at a target and pulling the trigger. If it were it would be boring. I'm thriving on the challenge to overcome myself.

[Putty]

Those that desire are torturing themselves with fully embracing a state that is not real or has yet to be. The process to attaining your goals is so much more fulfilling/rewarding. Quit chasing after the world and it chases after you when you hold the ideal of what it is you want with the surprise at having arrived.

Seek and ye shall find.

Did I just write all that?

[11.43mm]

Howdy,

Simply want it. Want it simply.

I'm glad you're over the hurdle of "what others may think"...that's progress. You wanted it. Good.

DVC

[Steve Anderson]

This is another great place to point out the need for shooting to be subconscious. The conscious mind can only do one thing, yet the subconscious can do limitless things.

This is why it is difficult to truly learn a new technique. When we train, what we are really doing is committing conscious tasks to the subconscious. This is why it's so important to train properly so that we commit good things to the subconscious and not sloppy shooting.

the quest for wholeness seems to be a quest to commit the complex act of IPSC shooting to the subconscious. A great place to start is to forget about the timer...the next trick is to think about 2 pretty alphas in every target.

You will need the conscious mind in practice, as you focus on individual areas of technique. You can expect other parts of your game to suffer as you do this, which is perfectrly normal. Forget about anything that slips and instead congratulate yourself on the improvement you are making on the primary task.

Come match day, let the timer start you, and keep picturing those 2 pretty holes in the a-zone.

SA

[AikiDale]

Excellent topic Jane, thank you for starting it. I do know what you mean. It all coming together is why I keep up with the Aikido. I've experienced it on occasion on the mat. As a shooter I'm still a bumbling beginner, in part because I know what it should feel like and I haven't put in enough hours yet to get past the desire to get there.

The Buddhists believe life is suffering. I wouldn't make a good Buddhist because I believe life is fun. However, they hit the nail on the head by figuring out suffering comes from desire. As best you can, enjoy the training for its own sake. As Brian pointed out

the whole will overtake you when you least expect it.

But only when you are prepared, through your training, to accept it .

If you truly want it you must train like you really want it without wanting it while you train like you do. (Now wasn't that simple?)

[Sam]

Akai, so you are a "fun-ist", I should have known. Me too!

Jane, the awareness of time is the single biggest obstacle to wholeness that I personally face. There is a great illusion that life has a clock and that this clock is always running.

The most desperate quote I ever head is " life is an hour-glass glued to the table". But, if you believe, as I do, that true life is eternal and only changes form, then you can find release from the illusion of time. Time is for the mind and eternity for the spirit. So, the battle we all fight is mind vs. spirit. Walk in the spirit and time has no hold over you. This is the path to wholeness as nearly as I can perceive it.

Success comes in continually arising when we inevetibly fail.

Edited May 19, 2006 by Sam

[davidball]

You will need the conscious mind in practice, as you focus on individual areas of technique. You can expect other parts of your game to suffer as you do this, which is perfectrly normal. Forget about anything that slips and instead congratulate yourself on the improvement you are making on the primary task.

This is a bit of a gold nugget for me. May seem obvious, buy it hadn't occurred to me until I read Steve's post.

Love this forum.

[Calamity Jane]

This is another great place to point out the need for shooting to be subconscious. The conscious mind can only do one thing, yet the subconscious can do limitless things.

This is why it is difficult to truly learn a new technique. When we train, what we are really doing is committing conscious tasks to the subconscious. This is why it's so important to train properly so that we commit good things to the subconscious and not sloppy shooting.

the quest for wholeness seems to be a quest to commit the complex act of IPSC shooting to the subconscious. A great place to start is to forget about the timer...the next trick is to think about 2 pretty alphas in every target.

You will need the conscious mind in practice, as you focus on individual areas of technique. You can expect other parts of your game to suffer as you do this, which is perfectrly normal. Forget about anything that slips and instead congratulate yourself on the improvement you are making on the primary task.

Come match day, let the timer start you, and keep picturing those 2 pretty holes in the a-zone.

SA

The conscious mind.....easy to control. Thinking......piece of cake. Both of these things come naturally to me. But the subconscious is different. It requires freedom. It requires the conscious mind to be quiet so it can do what it needs to do. For this reason I'm wondering if it would be wise to practice observing without thinking. How can you expect yourself to let go and become a passive observer as you shoot if you've never been able to make yourself not think and simply observe? I'm skeptical that one can train and train and train in your conscious mind and then one day just turn it off and let the subconscious take over. Perhaps that is the way it works?? I'm going to do both just to be safe. I'm going to train with purpose in the conscious mind and I'm also going to practice observing without thought. Eventually it's all going to come together to make the whole.

If you truly want it you must train like you really want it without wanting it while you train like you do. (Now wasn't that simple?)

+1

So, the battle we all fight is mind vs. spirit.

Who wins?

Edited May 20, 2006 by Calamity Jane

[Steve Anderson]

I think you can't think about not thinking.

What about the things we do all day with no conscious thought?

Breathing

walking

forming sentences

typing

driving

singing along with the radio

Back in my rock 'n roll days, we always wanted the first take in the studio. We knew that if we tried too hard to make it perfect, we'd be there all day and get crapinsky. (crap-ola if you prefer )

Shooting can be as effortless as walking to the car, if we let it be.

It won't be as exciting, but it will be better.

Thinking breeds trying.

What do you really want when the timer goes off?

I'm telling you, work in practice, think all you want. When that buzzer sounds...just let the gun fire in the presence of an acceptable sight picture. Your body knows how to do this $hit better than your brain.

You guys are gonna love the next book.

SA

[Sam]

Who wins?

-Jane

There is an opportunity here to tell the story of the two wolves, but I'll let it go for now.

Ultimately the one that does not die....wins.

I apologize that some of my posts come off sounding so cryptic. I come back sometimes and read them later and realize that I was probably the only one on the planet who could have understood what I meant.

The thought that I was trying to convey is that we cannot have "partial" wholeness. (Life is full of such contradictions.) Wholeness has to go the very core of who we are. Here I go getting a little vague again....For me, if it doesn't go all the way to the core, it lacks intensity.

Here is where it ties into my shooting: I see a heard of antelope running 50 miles per hour over rough broken terrain. Why do they not fall down or get injured? Because they are doing exactly what they were made to do. I was made to shoot. When I shoot, I cannot think about the mechanics, or the outcome. And I cannot judge the shooting, I can only shoot. Anything else, I fall down.

Steve is making the point much more clearly than I can. Ditto everthing you just wrote, Steve!

[Calamity Jane]

Wholeness has to go the very core of who we are. Here I go getting a little vague again....For me, if it doesn't go all the way to the core, it lacks intensity.

Jane, the awareness of time is the single biggest obstacle to wholeness that I personally face. There is a great illusion that life has a clock and that this clock is always running.

Walk in the spirit and time has no hold over you. This is the path to wholeness as nearly as I can perceive it.

Sam-

Remember the scene from "My Cousin Vinny" when Marissa Tomay says, "My biological clock is ticking like this (stomp, stomp, stomp)! There are times when I feel like that. There is a certain impatience I have that I may not do all the things I was meant to do.

There are certain barriers we all must overcome. Impatience, doubt, and fear are a few of them. You mention wholeness that goes to the core….and walking in the spirit. I think you are on to something here. Perhaps one should use their spiritual being to overcome these barriers.

THEN AGAIN

I watched the season finale of 24 this past week. I loved the scene where Jack told the young man on the sub how to kill the bad guy. He gave him very specific instructions on how to do the guy in. The young man was very unsure of himself. Jack said, "DON'T THINK….JUST DO! There it is. We can think and think and think about all of this, but when it comes down to it….it will be a matter of just doing it.

[AikiDale]

. There is a certain impatience I have that I may not do all the things I was meant to do.

If, in the fullness of time, one has insufficient time to accomplish all one was meant to do, perhaps one was not so charged as ones ambitions lead one to believe. That is not to say such a ones accomplishments will not exceed all one was meant to do.

We can think and think and think about all of this, but when it comes down to it….it will be a matter of just doing it.

Yep!

[Calamity Jane]

Learning to let go and trust that all the training I've done has been effective is the hard part, for me.

I'm gearing up for Limited Nats in a few weeks. The last two months I have touched the gun everyday with either dry fire or live fire. Brian says to train, train, train.....so with 90 dry fire sessions and 69 live fire sessions on my calendar since December I'm left wondering (like XRE) if it will be enough. As I was counting I was wishing I had done more. The desire I was struggling with before turned into a disciplined practice regimen. I guess you could say the feeling turned into action.

So what is it I want? I want a peak performance. Not so I can win anything...however that is always nice....but so I can feel the reward of the quest. Again it's the challenge, the quest to overcome yourself that I think makes this sport so worth while. I've come a long way since May. I'm anxious to see what will happen at this match for me. I feel like I'm further down the path on my journey to wholeness.

[Calamity Jane]

Wholeness: constituting the entirety of a person's nature or development.

I've been thinking about where I'm at with my shooting. I have been training. I have skills, but I'm not integrated. It is so frustrating. I can shoot accurately. I can move quickly. I can run mental programs in my head. I can call my shots. I just can't make it all come together at the same time.

I'm looking forward to the day when my conscious, my subconscious, and my physical ability will all become one. I'm training for wholeness. It's the quest for wholeness that drives me. I want to know what it feels like when it all comes together. I may never win anything but if I can feel the power of when it all comes together….it will be worth it.

I've found what I've been looking for....or perhaps I should say training for. I shot 18 stages at Limited Nationals without a conscious thought during the courses of fire. There was no emotion.....just doing. I felt what it was like to have the 3 become one (conscious, subconscious and physical ability). It was an amazing experience. I now feel like I'm integrated....I'm whole.

I wanted a peak performance and I got it. Finished 8th lady. The magic number 8 gives me a slot for next years Nationals. To me that is better than any prize off the prize table. I also finished 3rd Limited C class. That was an unexpected bonus.

I have felt the reward of the quest.....and it is good. I wanted to thank you guys for the support.

[Flexmoney]

Nicely done.

[11.43mm]

Nicely done.

ditto

[reneet]

Congratulations Jane! Great Job!

It was great to see you again.