benos Posted December 18, 2002 Share Posted December 18, 2002 I wrote this some years ago. I thought it would be hysterical if I got a few guys together and taped it, with British accents of course. And then passed some copy's out to old-timers at the Shot Show or something. Well, it turned out to be harder to tape than we thought, so we forgot about it. (I guess that's why we're shooters and not actors.) I had totally fotgotten about it until a friend brought it up again the other day. So I posted it here, for your entertainment, or not, in it's un-edited original version. Oh, and if it doesn't work for you, you obviously either - don't have a sense of humor, are not a Monty Python fan, or haven't seen "Live, at the Hollywood Bowl," or all three. "YOU WERE LUCKY" Who would have thought, 20 years ago, we would be sitting around here in all our glory discussing the virtues of the "Seeless" versus the "Misspoint." Yeeeah, back when I started shooting, all we had were singlestack 45’s. Fortyfives! I used to dream of having a 45. I was lucky to have a gun magazine with a picture of a 45. Gun magazine! Huh! I had to save for 6 weeks to buy a used gun magazine for our ‘hole-in-the-wall gunshop and he could only afford to stock one gun. But we enjoyed shooting more then, when we were poor. Because we were POOR! I remember back when I was first shooting matches, no one even thought of making an optical sight. Optical sight! Huh! I was lucky to have an adjustable sight on my old gun. Adjustable sights. I was lucky to have a Micro fixed sight that Clyde from the Pistol Parlor gave me off one of his used pistols to put on my first comp gun. You were lucky to have a comp gun. Back when I was shooting steel matches in the gravelpit all I had was a 5" gun with a 6" barsto barrel. Six-inch barsto! That was the trickiest gun I’d ever seen. I was lucky to have a 5" government model that my wife bought for me for Christmas with the money she saved from babysitting. But of course I had it tough. I started shooting with a old Browning Hi-Power with a Bomar rib. It cycled so slow you couldn’t fire a split faster than 2 tenths of a second. Luxury! Back when I started shooting I didn’t even have an electronic timer. We had to time our matches with a stopwatch. The only gun I had was a revolver because there were no gunsmiths that could make a 45 functioning for a whole match. Matches!!! You were lucky to shoot matches. After working 110 hours a week I only had the time to load enough ammo on a prototype Dillon RL-300 to shoot two of the stages at our monthly match. You were lucky to have a Dillon press. The best I could manage was an old Lyman singlestage press. I could only load enough ammo to practice once a week for an hour. IF I was lucky. You were lucky to shoot for an hour. My old single stage was so broken down I could only load 20 rounds a week. I had to buy a revolver so I could stay at the range for more than five minutes. You were lucky to have a single stage press. I remember when I used to handload for my .44 with a Lee loader. The powder scooper wasn’t big enough so I had to hollow it out with a penknife. .44! You were lucky to have a .44! We had to shoot .357s with 38 special cases and pretend they were .44s! Yeah, but back when I started shooting all I had was a 45 with no magazines or ammo. I dryfired for years before Mike Dillon took pity on me and gave me some bullets to load. Free bullets! You were lucky! I had to walk around grocery store parking lots for years collecting enough wheel weights to CAST my own bullets. And then I had to go to the junkyard and steal scrapmetal to form my own magazines to use in my old broken down 45 that wouldn’t function long enough to do a double tap. Doubletap! I used to dream of doing a doubletap. Back when I started shooting all I had was a worn out single action .22. The mainspring was so weak it would only fire one shot out of every cylinder of ammo. You were lucky to have .22 ammo. I used to have to get up every morning, half an hour before I went to bed. My grandpa would make me walk 2 miles through the freezing rain and shovel all the hog out of the barn with a soupspoon and then once a week he would give me a box of .22s. IF I was lucky. .22! You were lucky to have a .22. when I was a boy all I had and mind you when I say had, I really meant that my friend down the street had an old daisy BB-gun that wouldn’t shoot even if we could afford to buy a box of used BBs. We would sit around for hours aiming at the neighbours cats and wondering what it might be like to actually shoot one of those bastards right between the eyes. Cats! You were lucky to have cats to aim at. Where I was growing up there wasn’t a living thing to even think about shooting for miles. Our whole family lived in a rusted out dumpster at the bottom of a lake. We would have to get up, catch a bucketful of crawfish, swim 6 miles to the surface and another 12 to land. Then we would walk for 2 hours to the cajun restaurant, sell our crawfish for a penny a dozen, take our nickel down to the pawnshop and use it to rent a broom to sweep the shop 3 times over and then... maybe the shop-owner would let us look at a broken BB-gun. IF we were lucky! Right! Back when I started shooting there weren’t any sort of guns at all in the entire state. We would have to hitchhike for 3 days to get to the airport, kill the security guards so we could sneak into the baggage compartment on a flight to Los Angeles. Fight our way through the gangs in L.A. and then hike on foot over the mountains to the southwest pistol league and then... IF we were lucky, we would see Mike Dalton or Mickey Fowler driving towards the range. ....and you tell that to the young shooters today... and they just won’t believe ya! No, yeah Yeah, right, yeah! 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38supPat Posted December 18, 2002 Share Posted December 18, 2002 ROFLMAO.....I haven't seen Live at the Hollywood Bowl in years. Thats Classic S*** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhgtyre Posted December 18, 2002 Share Posted December 18, 2002 LOL! The first liar never has a chance. -ld Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nolan Posted December 18, 2002 Share Posted December 18, 2002 Who would have thought, 20 years ago, we would be sitting around the internet forum here in all our glory discussing the virtues of the "FistFlame verus MoronMom." Yeeeah, back when I started 'surfin' the net', all we had was an Apple Macintosh and a 1200 baud modem. Macintosh! I used to dream of having a Macintosh. I was lucky to have a Kaypro with a 300 baud cradle modem. Kaypro! Huh! You were lucky, I had to save for 6 weeks to buy a used Timex RS for cruising the bulletin boards and I had to use my good buddy Al Gore's Sysnet connection so I could play Pong! Gotta love Monty Python! "Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know what I mean, know what I mean?" "Hey, come on I've 'ad worse, it's only a scratch! Ye' bloody wimp, fight me like a man!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
38supPat Posted December 20, 2002 Share Posted December 20, 2002 Go away or I shall taunt you a second time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimel Posted December 20, 2002 Share Posted December 20, 2002 ROTFLMAO Brian! I'm not dead yet! How does a person know they have found a great forum on the internet? When there are a lot of guys who spent at least as much time watching Python in their youth as you did and who are still exhibiting the effects. The wife says I got DirecTV just for BBC America so I can watch Python all the time. She may be right. Hey...Python did "Life of Brian"...BE was that about you? (wink wink, nudge nudge) "Let's all look on the bright side of death...." Great...now I have THAT tune stuck in my head for the next three days....oh well...."life's a piece of shjt, when you think of it...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InTheBlack Posted January 10, 2003 Share Posted January 10, 2003 How about a video of the Ministry of Funny Walks having a team building program at the range? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hardball Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 And now, for something completely different. It's a killer rabbit, it's got fangs and such..... You bleedin moron go up there and lop it's ead off..... Yes, its time for the holy hand grenade. THE HOLY HAND GRENADE???? Yes, the holy hand grenade. He, who useth the holy hand grenade should pulleth the pin and count to three, he should not count to four, nor should he count to two, but he who useth the holy hand grenade should pulleth the pin and count to three, counting one, two thrrreeeee, and throweth the holy hand grenade at his intended victim.......... One, two, four, no no, one, two, threeeeee.... I always wondered if I was alone in my Python fests. Graham Chapman would be proud. Say no more..... (Edited by Hardball at 3:15 am on Jan. 15, 2003) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigDave Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 brianenos.com!!! brianenos.com!!! brianenos.com!!! On second thought, lets not go there. Tis a silly place... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigDave Posted January 15, 2003 Share Posted January 15, 2003 Whatcha got there? Its a Limited Blaster! Is not! Thats a Norinco slide and frame and your bangin them togetha! Never mind, where's brianenos.com? How'd they get here? Did what get here? That Norinco frame and slide? Norinco is a communist mockup, this is capitalist clime... Well, I found them. You found them? Are you suggesting that Norinco parts migrate? Shut up! Perhaps they were carried by a bird? What, like a swallow? Yes, but Chinese swallows are non-migratory!!! Oh no, not a Chinese swallow, but a European Swallow! Oh yes, well then! Shut UP!!! How would he carry it? Its not a question of how he grips it!!! Its a simple matter of weight ratios! A 5 oz. bird cannot possibly pick up a 34 oz cast frame. Perhaps on a tetha! Shut up!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benos Posted January 16, 2003 Author Share Posted January 16, 2003 BigDave, lol! And, Just watched Unforgiven for the umteenth time last night... Truly one of Clint's best. b Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigDave Posted January 17, 2003 Share Posted January 17, 2003 B.E. - not nearly as good as yours, that is just great. My Pythonesque (yes, its a word, look it up in the Oxford Dictionary) is coming along slowly. Its too bad a lot of Clint's one-liners have become so cliche because they are so damn good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirtypool40 Posted January 27, 2003 Share Posted January 27, 2003 I object your honors, for Clint one liners there is only one. THE OUTLAW JOSIE WALES Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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