Dead Buff Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 For those with No children - this is totally hysterical!For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious. For those who have children at this age - this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age - this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children - this is a form of birth control! The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas: "Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):" 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3 bedroom house about 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it with roller skates / blades, they can ignite. 3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room. 5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on, using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way. 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan. 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late. 8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots of it. 9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. 10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old. 11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. 12. Super glue is forever. 13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. 14. Pool filters do not like Jelly. 15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving and very expensive to remove. 18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is. 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens. 20. The average response time for the fire brigade is about 20 minutes. 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy. 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amassing thing. 25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garfield Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 Great post ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raz-0 Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 although things like "petrol tank" and "fire brigade" just don't sound like a texan to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 although things like "petrol tank" and "fire brigade" just don't sound like a texan to me. Right e o..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dajarrel Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 "7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late." For me it was when my son tried to flush wash cloths down the toilet. dj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimel Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 When I was a kid, we had a serial arsonist going around the area. He would take a large plastic/paper cup and put an inch or so of brake fluid in it and then drop in a couple chlorine tablets (ala pool chlorine) and walk away. The reaction takes a bit of time to get going with the solid form of chlorine which bought him enough time to get away. It then bursts into flame with lots of acrid smoke. There was a period of time in the area where you couldn't buy brake fluid or chlorine tablets without showing ID and getting your name written down. Of course the local cops figured there was no harm in relasing this info to the media. Every, and I do mean EVERY male in reach of the local TV stations must have immediately "done the experiment". I know my dad, the PhD chemist and I did it several times. I still recall the stench that created. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 Kimel Saw that very demonstration at an arson seminar I attended. Poured out a cone of pool chlorine and dropped a little brake fluid in it and VOLCANO... Wow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted September 5, 2004 Share Posted September 5, 2004 When you're a kid, it's mandatory that you stuff firecrackers inside vegetable matter such as apples, melons, potatoes and the like. It puts a CuisinArt to shame. Maybe Gallagher would've appreciated it, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Moneypenny Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 Rotten apples were always my favorite for the fire crackers (we had an apple tree in our yard) Love some of that... may have to try the brake fluid one :-) just to be in the majority of course. My niece once flushed an entire box of crayons down the toilet..... ONE at a time ... and not a little box were talking atleast a 64 pack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dead Buff Posted September 6, 2004 Author Share Posted September 6, 2004 Another "bang-thing" that can leave people a bit unhappy..... Put a closed tin of sardines into the fire and get away. We all know it is going to pop, but that it leave fish strands hanging all over and stinks like hell...that the person whos fire you used should find out.... I promise it wasn't me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcoliver Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 My almost 2 year old daughter recently discovered how interesting crayons would be. It didn't take long for her to also discover a blank white wall is the perfect canvass for her masterpiece. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dajarrel Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 For big booms with no evidence (who, me??? ), put about an inch of water into a 3 liter plastic soda bottle and put a piece of dry ice, about a cubic inch size, in the bottle. Screw the cap down, drop the bottle (duh)... and RUN. You will get 30-40 feet away and the bottle will explode with a thunderous boom. All I could ever find was a flat piece of plastic where the bottle burst. disclaimer: this should not be performed while holding a beer and saying, "Hey Ya'll, watch this." dj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dead Buff Posted September 7, 2004 Author Share Posted September 7, 2004 For big booms with no evidence (who, me??? ), put about an inch of water into a 3 liter plastic soda bottle and put a piece of dry ice, about a cubic inch size, in the bottle. Screw the cap down, drop the bottle (duh)... and RUN. You will get 30-40 feet away and the bottle will explode with a thunderous boom. All I could ever find was a flat piece of plastic where the bottle burst. disclaimer: this should not be performed while holding a beer and saying, "Hey Ya'll, watch this." dj You should see the mess it makes if you put the bottle in a garbage can.....I heard someone say Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reneet Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Thanks... I needed that. Have laughed so hard in a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJPoLo Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 Not explosive, but fun nonetheless: My very first girlfriend's father was (sometimes) a load of fun. He showed us that if you put a coconut shell into a camp fire (or home fireplace in the cold season) that the oils in the shell will heat up and jet out of the shell's pores, ignite and glow brilliant colors (or colours, for our EuroFriends). A fresh coconut now travels with me on every camping trip! -Chet PS - Most guitar picks (or plectrums for the aforementioned Euros) will create a similar show when lit with a match or lighter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Di Vita Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 Number 25 described me pretty good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tewlman Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 looks like i'll be trying that experiment out tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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