ITALIANS, revisited...!

[SiG Lady]

(I finally found the humor bit about Italians that I was looking for.

Yet another item from Jeffro, our man in (what may be left of it) St. Louis, MO.)

ONLY AN ITALIAN WILL UNDERSTAND

Your family dog understood Italian.

Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your

grandparents and extended family.

You've experienced the phenomena of 150 people fitting into 50

square feet of yard during a family cookout.

You were surprised to discover the FDA recommends you eat three

meals a day, not seven.

You ate pasta for dinner at least three times a week, and every

Sunday.

You grew up thinking no fruit or vegetable had a fixed price and

that the price of everything was negotiable through haggling.

You watched Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan every Sunday night.

You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.

You thought everyone's last name ended in a vowel.

You thought nylons were supposed to be worn rolled to the ankles.

You were surprised to find out that wine was actually sold in stores.

You never ate meat on Christmas Eve or any Friday for that matter.

You ate your salad after the main course.

You thought Catholic was the only religion in the world.

You were hit at least once with a wooden spoon.

You thought every meal had to be eaten with a hunk of bread in your

left hand.

You learned to play bocce before you went to school.

You can understand Italian but you can't speak it.

You have at least one relative who "came over on the boat."

You grew up calling the bathroom the "baccausa", and you only had one.

You were surprised to learn most kitchen utensils had other names

which didn't end in a vowel.

All of your uncles fought in a World War.

You have at least one relative who wore a black dress every day

for an entire year after a funeral.

You have relatives who aren't really your relatives.

You have relatives you don't speak to.

You drank wine before you were a teenager.

You grew up in a house with a yard that didn't have one patch of

dirt that didn't have a flower or a vegetable growing out of it.

You thought that talking loud was normal.

You thought cookies and the Tarantella were common at all weddings.

You thought everyone got pinched on the cheeks and had money

stuffed in their pockets by their relatives.

Every luncheon meat you ate ended in a vowel.

There was a crucifix in every room of the house, including the cellar.

There was a saint somewhere in the yard.

You couldn't date a boy without getting approval from your father.

You know what lemon ice is.

You called pasta "macaroni."

You have at least one irrational fear or phobia that can be attributed

to your mother

[Skywalker]

Now, what's funny about this?

You ate pasta for dinner at least three times a week, and every Sunday.

We eat pasta at least once per day!

You ate your salad after the main course.

That's what salad is for: to wash your mouth after a main course. Isn'it?

You were hit at least once with a wooden spoon.

With a wooden spoon, with a carpet beater, with a wooden clog, depending on prank seriousness.

You thought every meal had to be eaten with a hunk of bread in your left hand.

Nope, you're a fake italian if you eat pasta and bread at the same time...

You learned to play bocce before you went to school.

I actually learned to play bocce at the age of 5

You drank wine before you were a teenager.

Ask Arnie and Denise about how much wine can an italian and two minnesothians can drink together...

(not to mention my kid of 4... )

[GRD]

That list is my childhood. It's freaky. I still call pasta macaroni. Nobody understands. At least outside of my relatives...everyone thinks I mean, like, macaroni and cheese?

[SiG Lady]

I'm only HALF Italian but growing up in San Francisco's North Beach neighborhood qualifies me for almost ALL-Italian status, I swear. I can relate to nearly ALL of these things (except the Bocce).

[Chuck D]

Being known for ALL those things (except the nylons stuff) makes being Italian something to be proud of.

Wouldn't change a thing if I could....

Screw low carb diets....pass the macaroni.

[texasag93]

Definately not Italian(Texan) but can relate to the wooden spoon. TXAG

[SiG Lady]

Yeh, I saw (and ran away from) a lot of wooden spoons when I was little. I also saw frequent attempts on the part of family members to try and make the Guinness Book of Records as to how many of them could be crammed into a small dining room during those holiday dinners. Gah, I don't know how we did it!

[Jake Di Vita]

Truer words were NEVER spoken.

[Skywalker]

You were surprised to discover the FDA recommends you eat three meals a day, not seven.

This one I don't quite understand...

I grew up believing that the total number of daily meals was 5:

- Breakfast

- mid-morning snack

- Lunch

- mid-afternoon snack

- Dinner

...damn...I missed two more in my entire childhood...

...this might explain why I'm only 12 pounds overweight...

[dajarrel]

I think wooden spoons are the Mothers "weapon of choice" on an international scale

dj

[SiG Lady]

They're pretty effective in any language...!

[rhino]

I understood most of that list, but for a reason many people don't realize. Filipinos are the Italians of the Pacific Rim. We do the big, extended family every weekend, we eat like there's no tomorrow, there's always a grandmother or auntie always asking you if you're eaten, we're all Catholic ... it goes on and on!

One question ... I've noted that some Americans of Italian descent call marinara sauce "gravy." Is that an American regional thing, or does it depend on which part of Italy from which their family orginates?

[Skywalker]

Rhino,

I'm not sure about what you mean with marinara sauce.

Is it a tomato-based sauce with seafood for pasta (a-la "spaghetti alla marinara"), or do you mean that vinegar-based sauce to marinade meat and fish?

[rhino]

Is it a tomato-based sauce with seafood for pasta (a-la "spaghetti alla marinara"), or do you mean that vinegar-based sauce to marinade meat and fish?

It's the generic American term for an Italian-esque tomato-based sauce. Sometimes it's just the sauce, and sometimes is has some kind of meat, although I've not heard of it typically having seafood.

It's the red stuff!

And while we're at it ... what's the difference between an "alfredo sauce" and a "panna sauce"?

[Skywalker]

Ok, we have quite different names for different tomato-based sauces.

"al pomodoro" is basic tomato sauce.

"ragù" is tomato sauce with mincemeat.

"alla marinara" is tomato-based sauce with seafood.

Then we might go difficult:

"alla puttanesca" tomato-based sauce with capers and olives

"alla amatriciana" tomato-based sauce with lard

"tonno e pomodoro" tomato-based sauce with canned tuna fish and parsley

and so on, and on, and on...

Gravy is the typical italian name given to "salsa al pomodoro" in the south of Italy, where it's common practice in tomatoes season to cook and can this sauce for winter season use.

I really know zip about Alfredo's sauce, but I can tell you that panna (milk cream) is what a second-rate cook will use to blend every kind of sauce, thus, apart from some particular panna-based sauces (such as "cream and ham", or "cream and walnut fruits", very good ones), you'll find it pretty everywhere.

Oh, yes, SigLady, please add to the list: you're italian if...

...you can name at least a dozen different tomato sauces for pasta...

[hoser]

You drank wine before you were a teenager.

Ask Arnie and Denise about how much wine can an italian and two minnesothians can drink together...

(not to mention my kid of 4... )

Luca,

Even though Denise and I are not really Italian, you did your best to convert us!

And, tell the truth, your son had his wine cut with water.

Arnie

[SiG Lady]

Moreover, I had the pleasure of once working for a long-noted local (SFO Bay Area) restaurant ("Bertolucci's"), and it was operated by a guy that reminded me very much of my father... which was why I figured him out so well and got along with him just fine. But not all the other employees liked him or understood him. Heck, I just let his bombastic-ness roll off my back and he liked me right away. Nobody could figure out why he didn't bother me. Ya gotta be Italian, I guess.

Italian pet peeve: People that consistently call 'marinara' mare-ih-NARE-uh. Jerks! It's mah-ree-NAH-ruh, for pete's sake!!

[Tman33_99]

Italian pet peeve: People that consistently call 'marinara' mare-ih-NARE-uh. Jerks! It's mah-ree-NAH-ruh, for pete's sake!![/color]

I don't care what you call it, as long as I can have some

[dminor]

I believe that Arnie and I had only one meal in our entire 10 days in Italy that did not include macaroni. I think I am still lugging it around.

As for wine, I had to drink it as no other beverage was in sight. Wine in many colors, had to try them all, and couldn't drink just one.

I may not be Italian but I gave it a good try. Thanks again Luca!

[sargenv]

I pretty much can identify with most of those.. though I still call it Pasta.. and Grandma never server Spaghetti, she always used Penne noodles... Better to catch the meat sauce rather tha those thin noodles...

I remember the Lawrence Welk (I was so frigging bored.. and this was before console video games).

I didn't have to deal with any wooden spoons, though I did have to deal with a mad grandmother who yelled at you in both broken english and full Italian.. Holy cow that woman could yell... (I'm sure I deserved it though)..

And um.. My dad came over on the boat, but only cause Grandma went back to Italy prior to WW2, she was actually born here.

You mean people have consonants at the end of their last names? Who'da thunk?

Vince

[Nate]

Gosh, it sounds great.

[rhino]

I kind of wish I'd been born Italian now.

Every Sunday afternoon I'd get to hear my Italian grandmother cry out, "Mangia, Giuseppe! Eat, Joey! EAT!"