ima45dv8 Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 Maybe this should be called, "What NOT to say to your manager". There's this nice lady about 50 y.o. that works for me (2 months). She can't help being matronly. She was raised by her grandmother. I recently remarked to my Director that despite her age, she's probably the oldest person in our office. I seriously doubt she has ever "known" a man, in a biblical sense. She is extremely sweet and lives for church and her nieces and nephews. Instead of saying I'm going to smoke a cigarette, I often say I'm going to feed the monkey. People will usually get a puzzled look the first time and ask, "What monkey?" I point over my shoulder and tell them it's the one on my back, and he prefers nicotine and tobacco. This afternoon as I was leaving our department to go have a smoke we met in the doorway. She looks up and asks, "You going out to choke your chicken?" I was speechless (a rare thing). As my eyes bulged out and my jaw hung slack, she thought for a second and asked, "Or is it, Feeding Your Dog? I cain't remember..." I finally got enough wind to ask her if she knew what she had just said. When she said No, I replied, "Good", and left as quickly as I could. I made it maybe 5 feet out the door when I couldn't hold it any longer and literally went to my knees laughing. Meanwhile, two other ladies who work for me had heard the whole thing and were busy explaining it to her. When I got the courage up to go back in the place was still in an uproar. She was very cool and walking into my office said, "Well, laughter IS the best medicine. I bet I just added two months to your life!" It was another 10 minutes before I could stop laughing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrumpyOne Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Now, that is FUNNY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Sometimes the workplace CAN be fun and interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Micah Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 :roflol:That's good stuff Mark. PM inbound... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Miles Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Okay, which one of you is going to pay for the keyboard I just covered with beer. The monitor I was able to save. The keyboard is history. You really need to take it upon yourself to tell the poor lady what the phrase means so she doesn't embarrass herself in the future. I know she'll appreciate it. Go take care of that chikin, Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Adult Sunday School - the preacher's wife was our teacher. Rose is a super nice lady but not real hip on slang. In a class she keeps using the word Dingleberry to describe various bad people in the bible. It was extremely funny to all of us in the class. After class I (tactfully and delicately) explained to her what a dingleberry is.... To my knowledge she has purged the word from her vocabulary. At least in class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ima45dv8 Posted January 30, 2010 Author Share Posted January 30, 2010 You really need to take it upon yourself to tell the poor lady what the phrase means so she doesn't embarrass herself in the future. Have you lost yer damn mind??? Today's episode almost left me permanently impaired. I'm not about to try to discuss this with her again. Besides, the her two co-workers explained it to her while I was having a smoke. They and everyone within ear-shot had the place in chaos before I got back. Maybe instead of "The 10 Best Reasons To Quit Smoking", this single item could be an entire list by itself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Miles Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 You really need to take it upon yourself to tell the poor lady what the phrase means so she doesn't embarrass herself in the future. Have you lost yer damn mind??? Today's episode almost left me permanently impaired. I'm not about to try to discuss this with her again. Besides, the her two co-workers explained it to her while I was having a smoke. They and everyone within ear-shot had the place in chaos before I got back. Maybe instead of "The 10 Best Reasons To Quit Smoking", this single item could be an entire list by itself. Damn, I was hoping for the sequel of "The chicken gets choked". CYa, Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-ManBart Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I'm not sure I could have held it together when she said that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GentlemanJim Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Giggle Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GlockSpeed31 Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Now that is some funny stuff there. That started my Sat morning in a good mood. As for Mark being speechless, that is so hard to imagine! Let us know if she has any other quotes worth mentioning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graham Smith Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Being a (young) senior myself, I know that words and phrases sometimes change meanings. But to my recollection, I've never managed to use a phrase quite as out of place as that poor lady did. I do recall, when I was in elementary school, one teacher who was very proper and sometimes referred to girls as Miss and boys as Master. It was rather quaint until a we got a student named Frank Bates. After roll call the first day, she switched to using Mr. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
00bullitt Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I was reading this last night and literally laughing loud out loud. My wife asked what was so funny and I told her it was something Ramsey had posted about work. I just read the post to her and she laughed hard like I had for about 3 minutes. She just said...."OMG,that poor lady" while laughing and shaking her head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffWard Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 My entire professional life has been: 1) In the Military, or 2) In a gym. All of my co-workers know every slang/4-letter word in the book, and use them with regularity. Even the women. Thank God... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ima45dv8 Posted January 30, 2010 Author Share Posted January 30, 2010 She just said...."OMG,that poor lady" while laughing and shaking her head. What's Becca so worried about her for? I'M the one who damn near went into vapor lock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Warrior Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I started to get ahead of myself reading the story & thought she was going to say "You going out to spank your monkey"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ima45dv8 Posted January 30, 2010 Author Share Posted January 30, 2010 I started to get ahead of myself reading the story & thought she was going to say "You going out to spank your monkey"... I'm seriously considering ditching my, "Feed the Monkey" banter. But if I don't, I should probably start carrying a tape recorder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outerlimits Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Just read this and spit chew all over my mac! Choke chicken...lope mule...haven't head those since my marine days in 1971. Lmao Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JACKAL Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I could have never held in the laughter. Your a good man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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