Calamity Jane

[notasccrmom]

Sounds great. I'll be there!

[Calamity Jane]

#28

South Central Match

I did something I don't normally do at a match. I went alone. The family went to church and I went to shoot. It was difficult for me to leave my family but Dave and I talked about it and came to the conclusion that this was the right thing to do. He is 100% behind my shooting and I could accomplish very little without him. It turned out to be a real blessing to me.

I was able to shoot with some good friends that allowed me to just focus on the shooting. I shot a clean match. I had one hic-cough when I hit my safety by accident causing the gun not to fire. OOPHS! Other than that is was smooth. The gun felt great. My brother did an awesome job taking the sharp edge off my gun. I also added padding (using duct tape) to the inside of my shooting glove. This is the same padding that I tried taping onto the grip. I like the solution. I'm getting tendonitis in my left wrist and the little bit of padding I added makes it a little more ergonomically correct.

I needed that match to get back on track. I'll be shooting again next weekend with the same intent of focusing on the shooting.

Training in Fear

I have a confession to make. For the last 2 August leading up to Nationals I have trained in fear. In 2006 I spent at least 2000 rounds shooting activators and swingers in an attempt to become more confident. I was fearful of things that moved. In 2007 I was STUPID and shot an open gun most of the season and then 6 weeks before Nationals picked up a limited gun and expected to do well. Needless to say that didn't work out.

I've felt fear come into the picture again this August. Fearful that all my hard work will not pay off. Fearful that I'm not training right. Fearful that I'll get injured and all will go down the tube etc....

I decided yesterday that I'm not going to train in fear any longer. BTDTGTT I'm choosing to do something more courageous and not cave into the fear. I told Dave yesterday I could go to church and cry about what I'm suppose to do, or I could go do what I know I'm suppose to be doing. I'm done crying. I'm done second guessing. I'm done with the fear. I'm moving forward with confidence. I've released myself from any expectations of performance at Nationals. I'm simply going to shoot with the love and passion I have for the sport. That's all this is about anyway.....love. I'm going to continue to dry fire and shoot my 1000 rounds a week, but I'm doing it out of love not fear. There's a BIG difference between the two.

When warriors went to battle their armor was in the front. As long as they were moving forward they were protected. When they turned to retreat, that's when they were exposed to getting hit by the enemy. I'm not turning back. I'm moving forward.

League night is tomorrow. I don't think I'll do a double practice because I think that hurt my performance last week.

Mr. Ball will be joining us this week.

[DougBarnes101]

Jane,

It was a pleasure shooting with you on Sunday! I took it as a great compliment from you when you told me that my shooting had improved and that neither of us were the same shooters that we were a couple of years ago at the Max Michel training.

Looking at the open scores looked like you had a really great match. Keep it up you are kicking butt.

[Calamity Jane]

Jane,

It was a pleasure shooting with you on Sunday! I took it as a great compliment from you when you told me that my shooting had improved and that neither of us were the same shooters that we were a couple of years ago at the Max Michel training.

Looking at the open scores looked like you had a really great match. Keep it up you are kicking butt.

THANKS DOUG!!

It was good to shoot with you.

#27

League Night

Awesome league night. My brilliant husband put together some stages that were very fun to shoot....3 field courses (which we shot twice) and a short steel speed shoot. He set up a stage with walls where you go side to side, then down a hallway, and finish at a half wall. We did this stage twice that way and then we reversed it and did it backwards. We started down range and moved backwards down the hallway, finishing side to side. This is the type of shooting I love the most. FUN!! He put a bunch of steel, a swinger, and a clam shell in there just to keep us from running too fast Good stuff!

I once again had a little gun trouble on the first run. I have a new recoil spring #12 lbs. I was running a #9lb spring. Why the change? Because that is what Dave put in the gun, that's what we had, we couldn't remember what pound the spring was etc... I like the way it's shooting. However, the safety seems to be popping up a fraction during fire and I've NEVER had a problem with that before. Are the two related??? I'm also wondering if the gun is short stroking because of the increase poundage of spring?? I do NOT have a shock buff in there. Probably not but I'm wondering. The gun was running perfect...and now it has hic-coughs...and the only change is that spring. SOOOOO I'll be ordering a #9 lb spring and putting that in there to see what happens.

As far as performance, it was much better. I'm starting to get my open rhythm back. I can see it on video. Chun-Yu helped me video last week's league night (which was awful) and then I have the South Central Match (which looked more like myself) to League Night this week (which is almost where I need to be but not quite) The tape from this week's league night had some technical difficulties. The camera worked for the first stage and then it started beeping. We thought it was taping but at the end of the day the first stage was the only one on tape. It was kind of disappointing because there were some really positive things on that tape. Oh well.

I appreciate ALL those involved in league night.

• My hubby for setting up and designing great test of skill.
  
• My brother who fixes my gun and encourages me.
  
• Chun-Yu and Nathan for showing up, helping, and being all around good guys
  
• Coach...my speedometer and training partner...he keeps me on pace and exercises me mentally
  

I'm very lucky to have such a "team" around me. Thanks guys.

Next league night is Monday night. It will be a stand and shoot theme.

I'm loving the padding taped into my glove It's helping my wrist and my grip. If I can get the spring thing worked out...I think I've got the gun where I want it. I'm very comfortable and it feels good. I can shoot well with comfortable and feels good.

[Calamity Jane]

#26

Getting Loaded

The Ball range is on a "cease fire" order by me until Sunday night. Our town festival has begun and out of respect for the good people of the community I'm choosing to keep it quiet around here.

Therefore, I made this session all about re-loading. I loaded around 500 tonight and have 200 on the shelf. I've got another 100 I'd like to load tomorrow.

I'll say it once again, staying loaded is the biggest challenge in putting lots of rounds down range.

I'll have opportunity to shoot all that lead very soon. I'll be shooting a local match on Sunday, league night on Monday, practice seesion on Thursday, match in KY on Saturday, match at Riley on Sunday. This upcoming week is going to fun and it will be interesting to see if I continue to pick up momentum.

I've made a little break through on something I've been working on mentally. I'll be writing about it soon. I've very encouraged because I'm starting to feel the freedom again. Confident, comfortable, and freedom. My oh my.... I LOVE to shoot when I feel those things in my pocket.

[Calamity Jane]

This is a tough story to tell but I'm choosing to do so to encourage other women who are also making this journey.

My Body Image Journey

"Girls with Guns", "Women with Guns", if you did a google search you would be very surprised at what you would find. There are many pornographic images out there of cartoon like women with large breast, small waist and big hips with guns strapped to them. If that doesn't float your boat, you could look at the Dillon Catalog models or the SVI girl and admire their sex appeal and beauty. I certainly have been guilty of the later. The image of sex appeal coupled with women and guns is a hard image to shake. The truth is I haven't really wanted to shake it. My desire has been to fulfill it. I think most women want to be considered beautiful, and powerful. It's not a bad thing. The trouble comes when one can not match the ideal image that has been pressed into our brains as beautiful and powerful. This ideal image along with a childhood wound has crippled my shooting and I would like to share my journey along with the resolution I have finally arrived at.

I carry my weight around my waist. When I put a gun belt on it greatly enhances that figure flaw. In my attempts to dress my body in the most attractive way I've gone through many wardrobe dilemmas. Here's a summary of my wardrobe woes:

• 2003 Just showed up in jeans and a tee shirt and shot

• 2004 I saw that all the good shooters had team shirts with their name on them. I desperately wanted one. I got a STI shirt and placed my name on it but felt EXTREMELY uncomfortable wearing it because I didn't feel like I deserved it. Who was I to have a STI shirt with my name on it?

• 2005 Since I was uncomfortable in team sponsored apparel I went the other way. I wore skorts. They were figure flattering and I felt like a woman. The trouble was I felt like a woman. I felt out of place. I stood out. It was as uncomfortable as wearing a STI shirt I didn't deserve.

• 2006 This was the year of the low wasted pant. The gun was lower on my waist which was good. The pants made my torso look longer which made my body look more balanced. However, my gut still hung over my belt and my mags would sometimes fall out when I moved quickly on field courses.

• 2007 This was the year to find the perfect shirt. I bought tech wear shirts as well as tee shirts made of polyester fabric. It didn't matter. My breast still seemed extremely large and when coupled with my waist cinched up with a gun belt I presented a portly figure. I fixed part of the problem by wearing 2 bras when shooting.

• 2008 I haven't bought a thing. I'm wearing pants that are one inch below my belly button that I have had for the last 5 years. I do this because my mags stay on my belt the best there and it also cuts my torso in half giving me the appearance of a more slender body. I wear a brown, blue, or a black collared shirt with sleeves. I do this because it's the most slimming and sweat and rain can sometimes cause a see through effect with a lighter shirt color. Dark colors minimize this.

Although I've made peace with the wardrobe issues over the years, I've still struggled with my image on video. It has hurt me to view my body on tape. I see my tummy. I see my large breast and it disappoints me. I say to myself, "That's not who I am". The image on the screen is not who I am. I am beautiful. I am powerful. My outer shell isn't reflecting who I am on the inside." And this has been my pain that I've chosen to live with. I've chosen to look at myself through a looking glass that has the Dillon catalog models as the standard.

In October, I took a train into Chicago to see a show with my niece and sister in law. On the way home I was riding the train just thinking. I was thinking of XRE actually and his crossfit training program. I was saying to myself, "I'd like to get fit like him. I think that would be an awesome challenge. I want to get slim and beautiful." It was then that I heard a voice in my head say, "Who told you you weren't beautiful?" And at that moment in my mind I said, "I did" and my mind flashed to the exact moment in time when I made a deal with myself. I was 13 years old at the county fair. I was looking around at all the other 13 year old girls. They had nice clothes, and the boys were chasing after them. No one was chasing after me. It was then I decided that was fine with me. I was just going to be me and the rest of them could have the clothes and the boys. I wasn't going to compete.

I don't know why women do this but we do. We judge ourselves and compare ourselves to others. I've learned over time that this is wrong. I've known this truth in my head for a LONG time, but it's just recently that I've finally gotten it into my heart.

My body does reflect who I am. My varicose veins say, I've walked a hundred miles up and down hospital hallways taking care of the ill. My cellulite says, I'm not afraid to have an ice cream cone with my boys. My large sagging breast say, gravity happens so deal with it. My tummy says, I've got a project for you when Nationals is over. You can focus on me after that big event in your life and that focus will keep you from having anti-climactic depression. The wrinkles around my eyes say, you've laughed your way through life. My sun damaged skin says, you've lived your life out doors in the sunshine. My body does reflect who I am and I'm OK with it.

I'm not a girl with a gun. I'm not a sex symbol to be admired. I've said this before and I mean it….when I put that gun on I'm not a woman, I am a shooter. That is the image I choose to embrace. It's that image that allows me to shoot with complete freedom. I'm not bound to the expectation of what a girl with a gun looks like. I'm only bound by my love and passion for a sport that fulfills me.

[Chris Conley]

All I see is determination. Good post Jane!

Chris C.

[Al Capizzo]

Your last post was a real eye opener for me Jane. Thanks.

I've been reading your shooting diary here on occasion, because its interesting to see someone's progress and determination, and I pick up some things from it too.

But by and large I've thought, "ya know, there's a lot of self absorbed b.s. here." It never occured to me that people have to struggle with more than just technical/ shooting issues, and I don't mean just women. We've all got egos that we have to deal with in some form or another,

After reading your last post I asked myself, "what if you suddenly wanted to play beach volleyball? What would you deal with?"

Understand, I'm a 56 year old little fat boy. I might be a tad self conscious too!

Anyway, thanks for making me get out of my chauvinistic shell and realize a few things about my fellow travelers.

[Calamity Jane]

But by and large I've thought, "ya know, there's a lot of self absorbed b.s. here."

That's why they call it a diary my friend.

I'm glad my last post was meaningful to you.

[Al Capizzo]

Oh yeah! I'm like all "duh", aren't I?

[Calamity Jane]

#25

Atlanta Match

Coach, Chun-Yu and I had the opportunity to assist a squad of new shooters through their first match. Everyone has to have a first match and I was glad we were there to lead them through. We had a DQ (dropped loaded gun, landed facing up range), some fingers on the trigger while moving, and some close 180 breaks on the first stage. It was a good day to wear my brown pants. However, after that first stage, things settled down somewhat and a good time was had by all.

I was pleased that my gun ran well with no problems.

My focus wasn't "on" as I had 3 mikes for a 5 stage match. I was sloppy.

I wanted to cut loose at this match but it just wasn't there today. I've learned to respect the match for what it is. Today wasn't the cut loose day.

I didn't like the way I felt today shooting. I decided to come home and put at least 200 rounds down range. I wanted to end my day with a good feeling....which leads us to #24

#24

300 round practice

I practiced some of the elements I didn't think I performed well on today. I really focused in on my gun. I've got a violent dot right now. I like a snappy gun but this is a little much. I still have the 12lb recoil spring in...the 9lb is on order. We found a 10 lb one I'll be putting in tonight. I think that might help. I've also opened a new lot of VV350. It's time to chrono to see where I'm at.

Here's the breakdown of rounds fired:

200 rounds on a 20 round stage that required movement and had steel

60 rounds from behind a barricade with a reload in the middle

40 rounds of 2 reload 2 at 10 yds

Tomorrow is league night. Focus will be stand and shoot.

[Coach]

Brown pants were a good call. I was not sure we were going to live through stage 1. It did get better.

It seems to me that you are peaking at the right time. Larry told me he was impressed with how you shot last week at South Central.

[EatMeerkats]

Yikes, that makes me kinda glad I accidentally missed the 37 exit from 69 and showed up late... It was good to help out the new shooters though, and it brought back fond memories of my first few matches last year when I was "the new guy". I still remember shooting with the Ball family at my 2nd match and being rather impressed by Jane's skills!! (which is still true to this day)

[Calamity Jane]

#23

League Night

270 rounds

I changed my recoil spring back to 9 lbs. That took the bounce away.

I shot poorly on steel. I don't know why. I'll figure it out on Thursday when I have a range day by myself.

All around....not a great night.

I'm trying to practice living in the present. Didn't do a good job with that. I was thinking about a huge work project that was due today.

I hate it when life gets into my shooting

Not great...so what....move on.

[Coach]

Got to block that stuff out. You set aside range time. Call time out on life and shoot. It is tougher to say than to do. You should have given me that box for the shoot off and your mojo might have improved.

[JakeMartens]

Any range time is good time.

Now you know that you have to leave that other baggage in the parking lot or at home before you go.

[Calamity Jane]

Got to block that stuff out. You set aside range time. Call time out on life and shoot. It is tougher to say than to do. You should have given me that box for the shoot off and your mojo might have improved.

We both know the box wasn't going to matter You were "on" and I wasn't.

#22

250 rounds

Went to the range to figure out why I wasn't hitting steel. Put the gun on a rest and found it to be shooting WAY left!! Adjusted the heck out of the sight. So much so it concerns me. Anyway, gun is now sighted in at 25 yards. Can shoot it from the rest with a dead center A and also out of my hand in the A zone. Perhaps this explains my steel woes on league night.

However, I'm a little confused about something. I steped back to 40 yards and did some group shooting and found that the gun was shooting WAY left. Nothing on the sight adjustment changed. So I steped back up to 25 yards and I was back in the center of the A. If I aimed at the right hand stick of the target at 40 yards I was dead center A.

Now I understand shots will hit high or low at different yardages....but I'm confused why I was so far left at 40. Trigger pull?? I don't think so but I guess the only way to truly tell is to put the gun on a rest at 40 and see what I get. In fact...I think I'm going to go do that right now. I ran out of bullets or I would have done it when I was at the range.

Be back later to report.. and to summerize the rest of my practice.

[Nik Habicht]

Two potentially dopey questions --- don't you use a taped up or padded glove on your left hand? Could that be shifting and inducing some tension to the left in your grip?

Checked for a cracked slide? Or, since the optic is most likely frame mounted a crack in the frame, mount, anything loose? Could potentially still be a slide problem --- but an open gun expert might be able to give you better pointers on what to look for that isn't shooter induced....

[Calamity Jane]

#22 continued

I grouped a tight group to the left in the charlie zone off of a rest at 40. I'm shooing classic targets. This is consistent with where I was shooting it out of my hand.

I'm confused

Why would I be dead center at 25 and not at 40?? Like I said..up and down I can understand.

Anyway, most of my 250 rounds were shot for sighting in the gun. Then I shot some steel runs to build my confidence back up.

Focus of practice was getting the gun sighted in and realizing I'M NOT THE PROBLEM!

It's a shoot till you puke weekend. Dave and I will be doing a match on Saturday and Sunday. Staying loaded continues to be an issue. I would have shot more rounds today...but I need them for the weekend.

[XRe]

What are you groups actually like at those yardages? (ignore where they're ending up - how tight are they?)

[Calamity Jane]

What are you groups actually like at those yardages? (ignore where they're ending up - how tight are they?)

At 40 yards on a rest 2 1/2 inch diameter circle. At 25 yards not sure..don't have the target. But I do recall shooting a group at 25 with 4 out of 6 shots touching each other out of my hand.

[XRe]

Hmmmmm...... Ok, so we can probably eliminate trigger manipulation from the picture, unless you're very consistently pushing the gun left the same amount every time (normally, that'd be caused by where your finger is placed on the trigger, not through slapping - too close to the tip, and you tend to push toward the weak side...).

You've probably done this - double check all the scope mount screws (both where the mount meets the gun, and the two that bold the C-More to the mount), and double check that the scope isn't somehow damaged (like, a loose lens or something else out of whack). Then double check that the rest of the gun is ok - no cracks or broken parts, no strange marks on the inside of the comp wipes, etc. I wouldn't expect that you've got a bullet making contact with the comp, at this point - the groups you're describing seem too tight for that. In fact, it sounds like the gun itself is probably OK, but something in the scope/mount might be off.

When you say you adjusted the heck out of it, how much is "the heck"??

There's a couple of ways you can hit laterally in different spots at different yardages. If the scope isn't centered over the bore, it can cause some parallax that way - but in practice, it takes an awful lot of offset to make a noticeable difference (you'll note I'm shooting an offset Brazos mount - in my experience it makes about an inch of difference at 50 yards, if that....). Something could be wrong causing the bullet to curve - hitting a comp wipe, or whatever - but I wouldn't expect tight groups out of it. However, I recently looked a problem someone was having that did shoot an OK-ish group, but bullets were striking the comp, so stranger things can happen. That gun wouldn't hold zero, though. An odd lot of bullets may not be agreeing with the gun - that can change point of impact quite a bit, and sometimes its not noticeable until further downrange - but it seems like you have an awful lot of movement if that's the case.

Did anything change about your ammo recently? New lot of bullets, or something? Did the gun get dropped or fall or something like that?

Re: Nik's question on the glove, I don't think that's a factor.

[Calamity Jane]

Ok I'm back....after a 12 hour night shift and 4 hours of sleep.

This work thing is really getting on my nerves!

Trigger control:

I have a long flat trigger. I've not been having a problem pushing the gun left with this gun. OK it is like me to shoot a charlie to the left on the second shot. Trigger pull coming out of recoil might be a problem...but first shot on target usually always an alpha.

Also..the gun shooting off a rest was exactly as it was shooting out of my hand. If it IS the way I'm pulling the trigger...I AM CONSISTENT. AND if I'm that consistent.... I say adjust the gun to fit the way I shoot.

Scope Mount and Screws:

Yeah, I was all over that. I had the 40 cal open gun screws fall apart so I knew to look at this. The scope appears to be centered with screws intact. Looking at the gun before adjusting the scope....the set screws were in the same location as when I adjusted them 3 weeks ago. So it did not look to me that the set screws became loose causing the problem.

Adjusted the heck out of it:

The screw was set to point at 1 oclock. It appears I have moved it to the 4 or 5 oclock position. That seems like alot to me. Especially since I sighted the gun in 3 weeks ago at 1 oclock.

The ammo:

I'm on a new lot of powder and I have received more bullets. However, I don't know when I started using this lot of bullets. I'm going to have to coordinate with Dave to assess this further.

I have not changed components. Montana Gold bullets 124 gr, Starline super comp brass, VVN350 powder, Winchester small rifle primers.

The barrel and comp:

I've looked down it and I do not see any obstruction. The bullet holes are perfectly round with no odd shape. I've seen key holing on bullets that have hit a comp.

Slide and Frame:

Looks intact to me with no evidence of damage.

I think I may need to video tape so you can see what I'm talking about. The problem is I've got time issues!

We are shooting tomorrow in Owensboro and tonight I've promised some quality time with my son.

I remain confident in my shooting ability but I'm starting to get a little nervous about the gun.

[dfwmiket]

If you haven't looked there yet, check the underside of the CMore for a crack, it can be tough to detect, but I've had to replace two CMores for this reason.

[XRe]

Also, a 90 degree change in the windage screw isn't a huge adjustment, in the end. Sometimes, a C-More will do weirdness that way. Changing bullet lots or powder lots can sometimes exposure weirdness, as can bumping the gun (it doesn't have to be a big bump - sometimes it gets banged while its in the bag going to or from the range).

The only thing I'd disagree with you on is that if you're consistently pushing the gun, it won't always stay consistent. Under pressure and tension, you'll tend to push more or less - this can lead to weird bullet placements that are hard to explain later. Better to learn (in the office season) how to pull the trigger straight, and sight the gun for that... but I wouldn't sweat that right now, check that out after Nationals, along with anything else you've been saving until then.

The next thing I'd investigate is to sight the gun at 40, and see what it does at 25. You might surprised how little the group moves at 25. And... when you're shooting groups with a C-More, be certain that the dot is in the exact center of the scope, and that you're trued up behind the gun - ie, make sure your head is in your normal shooting position behind the gun, tilted as it should be, etc. What can happen if the dot isn't well centered up and you aren't square behind the gun is that you'll encounter parallax - the dot will appear to be in one place on the target, but the gun is actually pointed slight off of that. This effect is magnified by distance! Make sure the dot is re-centered on every shot, and check your head position, too. Parallax is very repeatable - if your head is in the same position relative to the gun each time, you'll shoot a tight group, but it'll be off your point of aim.

That's the last thing I can think of...