Suggestions

[carinab]

I'm cleaning the house this morning and noticed movement in the fish tank. As I investigate, instead of seeing my daughter's crayfish come scrambling at me waving it's claws, I see it rolling around in the water's movement, obviously expired. Yup, it's definitely deceased.

We went to a crayfish boil in the spring and the kids all "got" to take a live one home. After living in a mixing bowl full of water for a week, we located a "free" tank and then spent nearly $60.00 on all the tank fixings (chemicals, gravel, etc). She named it "flower" because she thought the overlapping bits on the tail looked like a flower...and well, because she's a seven year old girl. Seven year old girls think everything is cute....even a snaggly-faced, spider-looking crayfish. It did great for months but I have noticed in the last week, it wasn't eating well. Usually when you drop the food in, it would charge straight to it gobbling it up. Not so much lately....it'd eat but not always. The tank water is clean and cycled properly so I can only surmise that it was just old.

At any rate, I now have the unfortunate job of telling my kiddo her pet is dead. Any suggestions on how to explain it....

[Flexmoney]

Sounds like it had a pretty good life there at your place.

[reneet]

I'd say go the straightforward method. She's a smart girl. Be prepared for and invite follow up questions. Like "When will I die?" or "When will you and/or Daddy die?

I've got some bad news. Flower died. Possible reasons: old age or illness. Depending on her reaction, you might have some suggestions for how to cope. Possibly ask her if she'd like to have a "service" to say goodbye?

[Steve J]

That's sad for the children. I'm sure yours won't be the only one to expire. Whatever the lifespan is of a crayfish, the process of it's arrival at the crayfish boil no doubt shortened it. Or it simply could have been old to begin with. Here's an link. http://www.practical-pet-care.com/ask-a-pe...?f=19&t=229

Edited October 23, 2008 by Steve J

[Flexmoney]

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=p...th+and+children

[carinab]

Thanks for the suggestions...and the restraint. I was half expecting to get a boil recipe...

There are some good ideas on those google links....I'll be sure to emphasize that it wasn't anything she did. I could see her trying to blame herself as I did have to remind her about feeding him fairly often. I'm glad that at least it was a crayfish and not something she could regularly cuddle and hug. I'm not really certain how attached she was to it. I actually kind of miss the bugger though. You gotta' respect something the size of a small cell phone with so much attitude that it charges at you confidently waving it's little claws - Ya' come get a piece of this!

[LadyinBlue]

Our kids got a Siamese fighting fish and we named it Bob (all pets in this house eventually get named Bob..except for the dog...her name is Newt)

Bob lived in a fish bowl and traveled with us in the motorhome (across several states) on trips to the lake, vacations, camping in the mountains, car shows, and hunting trips.

Bob lived happily and was a well traveled fish for a couple of years when, for no apparent reason, he passed on.

The kids were saddened by this but shortly thereafter on a trip to Walmart, they got a new Bob and the saga continued.

Your little girl will certainly be saddened by loss of her crawfish but an honest explanation and a trip to the pet store to find a new denison of the deep to occupy said expensive fish tank, may help her to cope with her loss.

[GentlemanJim]

Not to make light of your situation in any way but this email just showed up and I know it will make you laugh...

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!

Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.

Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was 'something wrong' with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

'He's just lying there looking sick,' he told me. 'I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?'

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

'Honey,' I called, 'come look at the lizard!'

'Oh, my gosh!' my wife exclaimed. 'She's having babies.'

'What?' my son demanded. 'But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!'

I was equally outraged.

'Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce,' I said accusingly to my wife.

'Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?' she inquired. (I think she actually said this sarcastically!)

'No, but you were supposed to get two boys!' I reminded her (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).

'Yeah, Bert and Ernie!' my son agreed.

'Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,' she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm!)

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

'Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,' I announced. 'We're about to witness the miracle of birth..'

'Oh, gross!' they shrieked.

'Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?' my wife wanted to know.

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

'We don't appear to be making much progress,' I noted.

'It's breech,' my wife whispered, horrified.

'Do something, Dad !' my son urged.

'Okay, okay.' Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

'Should I call 911?' my eldest daughter wanted to know.

'Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.' (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

'Let's get Ernie to the vet,' I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

'Breathe, Ernie, breathe,' he urged.

'I don't think lizards do Lamaze,' his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb.)

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

'What do you think, Doc, a C-section?' I suggested scientifically.

'Oh, very interesting,' he murmured. 'Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?'

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

'Is Ernie going to be okay?' my wife asked.

'Oh, perfectly,' the vet assured us. 'This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen. Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um . . um . . . masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back.' He blushed, glancing at my wife.

We were silent, absorbing this.

'So, Ernie's just. . just . . excited,' my wife offered.

'Exactly,' the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

'What's so funny?' I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. 'It's just.. that . .I'm picturing you pulling on its. . its. . teeny little . . ' She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

'That's enough,' I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

'I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad ,' he told me.

'Oh, you have NO idea,' my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

Two lizards: $140.

One cage: $50.

Trip to the vet: $30.

Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie:

Priceless!

Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class.

Lizards lay eggs! ! ! ! ! !

[mpeltier]

I would start out with, sweety, do you remember all those crawfish we ate at the crawfish boil-------well, flower has decided to join them.

That is really how i would tell my daughter, and have. My kids have never been sheltered from a death in the family weather it be a pet or family. I believe it makes them stronger to be witness to the inevitable finality of our lives and those around us. I would not approach her that way were it a relative, but an aquarium fish I would try to get a laugh out of her and often do. and often followed by sadness that she gets over quickly. I truly hope however you break it to her she gets over it quickly.

[Dan Burwell]

All Kids are different, my 6yo daughter would be fine with me saying I got hungry and ate it. While I know my 4yo daughter it would be the end of the world no matter how I tried to break it to her, so me being me I would also tell her I got hungry.

I think Kids look to us parents as a basis for their reactions, so if we act like it is no big deal more often than not they will follow. The inverse is also true. Now if this were the family dog, it may be a bigger deal to everyone involved and a bigger reaction more appropriate.

I definitely think it is best to just let it rip and deal with the reaction whatever it may, She may just surprise you

Good luck,

Dan

[carinab]

I told her the news after we got back from karate class. There wasn't much time as we had to rush out the door right after dinner for math night at her school. She was kinda non-chalant about it at first. But then she wanted to know why flower died, was it something she did? I told her it wasn't, that flower's body was just worn out. She went and looked at the tank and when she saw him toes up, I think she really understood then that her pet was dead. We fished him out of the tank, put him in a plastic bag, and he's now sitting in my fridge waiting for a proper burial in the back yard. We had a "lovely" little discussion about decomposition and how flower was going to feed the trees and bushes. The only time she got a bit teary-eyed was while writing down some thoughts for tomorrow's burial.

Of all the things I thought I'd experience as a parent, burying a crayfish in the backyard never crossed my mind.