Vince Pinto Posted April 21, 2003 Share Posted April 21, 2003 What follows is reputedly the proposed text of a presidential address to be given by President Bush on July 4, 2003. The source of this material remains unidentified, but I didn't write it! My fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. The discovery and destruction of all weapons of mass destruction have been covered thoroughly in the press. An new Iraqi government has been established and appears to be stable. Our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be completed within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning. Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Australia, Spain, Bulgaria, and Poland are some of the countries listed there. The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening. Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to the nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France. In the out years, together with Congress, I will work to re-direct this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. I am ordering the immediate withdrawal of all US forces from Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, and all other Middle Eastern nations. Leave us alone. Solve your own damn problems. Need help? Call Germany. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your relatives from the face of the Earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China. Regarding the nation of Israel, I have this to say. It seems like everybody has forgotten what happened to European Jewry during the 1930s and World War II. Our nation will never permit the destruction of Israel. No way, Jose. Nevertheless, to Israel and the Palestinian Authority I say this: Yo, boys. Yank yer heads outta rectal defilade and work out a peace deal. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too. I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis. I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't give a damn about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York. A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil. Oh, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting now. It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of xenophobia. My response is simple and direct: if you can play that word in Scrabble, do it as soon as your turn comes round. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from America. We will develop energy independence. We will restructure our nation for its isolationist destiny. I will be sending legislation to Congress tomorrow proposing the first actions that that august body should take as we move in a new direction. Finally, I have decided not to run for a second term of office. The First Lady and I will retire to our Texas ranch and have some fun. Laura and I have been talking about takin' one of those cruises up to Alaska. Personally, I could care less who gets elected in 2004. Throw a little fascism into the mix and elect Senator Clinton. She can appoint the editorial board of the New York Times to her Cabinet. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you. God bless America. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duane Thomas Posted April 21, 2003 Share Posted April 21, 2003 Wonderful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outerlimits Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 -------WOULD IT NOT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV TONIGHT AND SEE G. W. BUSH GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH..... My fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American Forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning. Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there. The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's Nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening. Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France. In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the Earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China. To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too. I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis. I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York. A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty--- starting now. It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead. God bless America. Thank you and good night. "If you can read this, thank a teacher" "If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dv8 Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Well, I don't want to go there - one thing though, The world is not Black and White, and while I do share a couple of sentiments there, I strongly disagree with the rest of it. I'd say this is one of those clearly political issues that are discouraged by the forum rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garfield Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Can this please be removed from this forum ? I really am sick an tired of all this crap everywhere else, and I don't want to find it on my last resort, this forum. There is no humor in this post, it is clearly a very personal political statement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErikW Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 I merged the June 4 and later posts (from Humor) into this thread. Search before posting "humor." outerlimits can be forgiven because this particular item was previously posted in the What I Like forum, not the Humor forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Detlef Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 at worst, this is outright boring, but not offensive. At best, it's still just plain boring... --Detlef Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spook Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 There are lots of non-US members here that are proud of their country (including me). You don't hear me bashing the US in the humor or "what I like" forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dv8 Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 ...To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead. ... Sounds offensive enough to me... The same concept was employed by Russian communists in the early days of Soviet Union - "Who is not with us - is against us". Lots of people died as a result. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garfield Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 I agree with Spook, I find this post pretty offensive as I tried to point out before. Too bad this forum apparently is slipping downhill quality-wise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garfield Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Politics Policy or political discussions of any kind are not welcome. Such as IPSC verses IDPA debates, for example. Including but not limited to: governmental, USPSA, IPSC, or IDPA. Contrary to "minority opinion" - this is not a free speech issue. The issue simply is - as a privately funded and collectively ran "information exchange," we have found that the emotional nature of political discussions often weakens the informative impact of the Forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasag93 Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 It is "humor" and should be there but I agree with much of this "humor". This is not the place to discuss it though. TXAG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loves2Shoot Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 I think the skin in here is a little thin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Detlef Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 L2S, you've hit the nail on the head... --D. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garfield Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 -------WOULD IT NOT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV TONIGHT AND SEE G. W. BUSH GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH..... The first time I saw this post it had the above sentence as an opening. That opening sentence makes it seem meant other than just humor. The thing is, over the past few months I have seen an increase in this kind of posts / tone of voice on this forum, which does not contribute in a relaxing atmosphere between Americans and Europeans. I'd hate to see that trend continue. We all have our issues, prejudices and biases, but it might be better if we all just think a little bit more before posting this kind of things. Remember, this forum is not a US-only forum. I understand and appreciate that I am a guest on a US-hosted forum, but if you really want to maintain the good atmosphere I learned to appreciate on this forum, just think twice before you write down stuff that could offend people. On GT I once read somebody's post who said "let's nuke Iraq". That person was in fact saying to nuke the greater half of Europe too ... Can you imagine how something like that feels ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3quartertime Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Ok, I do this while I know that Garfield is posting so... This is locked. And I'm sure will be deleted soon. ( Not by me ) While we in the states may wish for an increadibly soviern speach from our leader the international vibe of this forum must prevail. If my statement is the last that gets read before deletion than I say this,,, Political regimes change. Times are different. But,,, Americans died by the thousands to give freedom to our European friends. If we display a certain disdain for current political positions by those nations then we might have a credible base. Once again we are sending soldiers to die for the benefit of thousands of strangers. Emotional responses may be the only valid outlet we have. My best to all of our allies!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outerlimits Posted March 18, 2005 Share Posted March 18, 2005 WOULD IT NOT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV TONIGHT AND SEE G. W. BUSH GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH..... My fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American Forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning. Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there. The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's Nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening. Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France. In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the Earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China. To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too. I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis. I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York. A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple of extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty--- starting now. It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead. God bless America. Thank you and good night. "If you can read this, thank a teacher" "If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts