GrumpyOne Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 A little history first.... Five years ago, my wife and I were in a bad car accident. I was driving on a 4 lane divided highway, going through an intersection at 55mph, when an older lady turned left in front of us. We were in a 1993 Mustang GT convertible, she was in a Honda Accord. I tried to swerve to the right to avoid the collision, but she kept going and the front left of our Mustang hit the front right of her Accord. In the process of swerving to the right and hitting the Accord, it slammed my wife into the center console of the Mustang when we hit, then slammed her into the door when we spun around. It shattered her left shoulder (Doctor said there were 19 fragments of bone!) when she hit the center console, then broke her right arm in two places between the elbow and shoulder when she hit the door. There was no damage to the passenger side of the car (where she was seated), but the driver's side had the front wheel crushed into the door. I had a black eye and a bruised knee....When you look at the X-rays, it looks like she has a stainless steel spaghetti spoon in her left shoulder (it has "fingers" like one) and 2 stainless steel plates almost 8" long in her right arm, all attached with upwards of 30 stainless steel screws. To this day, she can't raise her left arm higher than her shoulder as the spaghetti spoon presses into the bone when she tries to. Now on to the hate part.... Since the accident, every time I drive her somewhere, she starts screaming at me, "You're too close!", or "Break lights!" or "Stop Light!" or whatever the road conditions or traffic dictate for her to say. This has now been going on for 5 years! I had enough of it tonight, told her to get over it, I drive in rush hour traffic every day (much worse traffic than what she drives in) and haven't been in an accident (except another one in which another driver pulled out in front of me, but that's another story). I told her that this was it, I'm not driving her around anymore. Her yelling at me every time she gets frightened causes me to jam on the brakes, or swerve, and that in itself was dangerous. So, that started the war of words.... The funny thing is, when she drives, it's usually like a bat outta hell, swerving in and out of traffic, going 80+ mph, etc. Did I go too far, telling her I wasn't driving when we went somewhere together anymore? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gm iprod Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Start doing the same thing to her. Or better yet, write up a list of infractions at the end of each trip. The other way is what I did to my mum one day. We were a little behind schedule and the "your going a little quick" came up. So I floored it, absolutely put the hammer down. She shut up real quick, and did not say nothing the entire trip home. All 1 hour of, not one single word. It was brilliant. My wife who was also in the car was laughing her head off once we got alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrumpyOne Posted January 30, 2010 Author Share Posted January 30, 2010 (edited) I've tried the "doing same thing to her" approach. It just pi**es her off, and she starts telling me to shut up or she'll let me drive. As far as "flooring it", I would like to stay married...... Edited January 30, 2010 by GrumpyOne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Keen Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 You've already put your foot in your mouth at this point! Might as well have fun with it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-ManBart Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Heck, I'm always telling my wife "relax, I'm paying attention!"...LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flexmoney Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I used to love driving a Jeep, with the top off. Hard to carry on a conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gm iprod Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I've tried the "doing same thing to her" approach. It just pi**es her off, and she starts telling me to shut up or she'll let me drive. As far as "flooring it", I would like to stay married...... Are you sure?????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GentlemanJim Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I hate to tell you this It may be more plesant for your home life to just cope with it. Not as satisfying as raising cane about it...but may be better in the long run. But rest assured....you are not suffering alone Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Modoc Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I hear you amigo, and I don't know which is worse............ The loud verbalization, or the quiet JUMPING in the passenger seat. This alwayse makes me jump and twitch I think that Jim has the right of it, because I have been dealing with this for over 10 years and it hasn't gotten better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlamoShooter Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 This is the" Hate Forum" so ... But you did ask. and you know the answerer before you asked. you both are at a point that you should have had counseling to "Get Past" some problems. The Driving dialog would indicate that her deep feeling are that....You could have avoided the accident. Both of you are human , so you better get priorities strait. You know what to do This past year I have had to learn how to drive my wife around too, and I know it is not easy. I feel bad about her disability and I feel bad that she now has to ask to be driven some place. But I still have to get my work done. My Goal is to make her as happy as she makes me, at least once a week I have to remind my self of my goals Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonT Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 "Did I go too far, telling her I wasn't driving when we went somewhere together anymore?" You know the answer to that. And you know your wife better than we do Yes that does get extremely irritating and distracting and I wish the two of you all the best in working thru it. But it sounds like that wasn't just a minor fender bender y'all went thru. Sounds like she got the worst of it and it was a life altering experience. Not hard to see why she would be scared riding with anybody. Good luck! ...the older I get + ...the more I agree with my wife = ...the easier my life is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken hebert Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Did I go too far, telling her I wasn't driving when we went somewhere together anymore? Nope, in fact I'm proud of you. Marriage is a give and take. Do you give her major grief and verbal trauma when she drives? No? Didn't think so. So why should you take it when you are driving? Remember the golden rule, and what she is doing to you is wadding it up and throwing it in the corner. If you sit back and take it then its never going to end and you will always bear resentment towards her about it. I've some of the same issues as you do, but in regards to shopping. As a result I refuse to go with her anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrieH43 Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 "Did I go too far, telling her I wasn't driving when we went somewhere together anymore?" You know the answer to that. And you know your wife better than we do Yes that does get extremely irritating and distracting and I wish the two of you all the best in working thru it. But it sounds like that wasn't just a minor fender bender y'all went thru. Sounds like she got the worst of it and it was a life altering experience. Not hard to see why she would be scared riding with anybody. Good luck! ...the older I get + ...the more I agree with my wife = ...the easier my life is I'm really inclined to agree with this. She was in a traumatic accident, where unfortunately you were the driver. Granted you did not cause the accident, but it's not hard to see why she's acting the way she is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleipnir Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Somewhat related: I hate it that after 25 years I involuntarily cringe every time a car pulls up on a perpendicular street to my right when I'm going down the road. Total, involuntary response left over from a bad accident many moons ago. Intellectually, I'm over it, but down deep I fear I will never recover. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flexmoney Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 She is scared, and you are frustrated. Neither one of you deserve any of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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