Chris Keen Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 A FEW SIMPLE RULES TO MAKE LIFE MORE FUN Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Avoid arguments with women about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For high blood pressure sufferers - simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You'll be afraid to cough. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and it does, use the duct tape. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigpops Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AikiDale Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 I was becoming a true believer until I got to the last two. I just couldn't resolve this apparent conflict: You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and it does, use the duct tape. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem. If I only need WD-40 and duct tape why do I have a hammer? Or should I have a hammer. Does having a hammer show a lack of faith in in only having the two tools in life mentioned above? If it is an electrical problem and I don't have a hammer can I fix it with WD-40 or duct tape? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grandbagger Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You'll be afraid to cough. cracked me up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anubis Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 A FEW SIMPLE RULES TO MAKE LIFE MORE FUNAvoid arguments with women about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. I can safely say from experience that this one only works if the woman doesn't catch you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Franklin D Wolverton Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 A FEW SIMPLE RULES TO MAKE LIFE MORE FUNA mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. Is it bad if you've actually used one of these? Frank Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steel1212 Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem. And they ask why I carry a hammer in my tool bag! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redmanfixit Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time! And you know how they always teach you to keep water and electricity apart? How come every time I go on a service call it's nearly always about water and electricity being together in a bad way? Why will the bottom of the water heater nearly always fall out just as you pull out of the driveway on a 2 week trip? Have you noticed the similarity's between a large caliber hand gun and a big hammer? I like big hammers!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritinUSA Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Never take a laxative before using a trampoline Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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