Kenpo Joe Posted July 18, 2006 Share Posted July 18, 2006 The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney. The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay.Go ahead." Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet." Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." The auditor c an tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. "Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be happy about it." Back on mute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tightloop Posted July 18, 2006 Share Posted July 18, 2006 Good one... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duane Thomas Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 The IRS decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," said Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thought for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead." Grandpa said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thought a moment and said, "It's a bet." Grandpa removed his glass eye and bit it. The auditor's jaw dropped. Grandpa said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." Now the auditor could tell Grandpa wasn't blind, so he took the bet. Grandpa removed his dentures and bit his good eye. The stunned auditor now realized he had wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He started to get nervous. "Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asked. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side and never get a drop anywhere in-between." The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but he looked carefully and decided there was no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agreed again. Grandpa stood beside the desk and unzipped his pants, but although he strained mightily, he couldn't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinated all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaped with joy, realizing that he had just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moaned and put his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asked. "Not really," said the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!" Don't Mess with Old People!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flint Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 That is funny right there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MichiganShootist Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Excellent !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L-10_shooter Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 hahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d5357 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 don't care who you are, that is FUNNY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisStock Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 A memory comes back to me regarding old age and treachery coming out on top.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wide45 Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 At least the joke is old. http://www.brianenos.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=37624 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 A memory comes back to me regarding old age and treachery coming out on top.... "Son, Never bet on another man's game." My Ole Pappy..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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