Kenpo Joe

PSALM 1911 1. In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was THE pistol, and it was good. And behold the Lord said, thou shalt not muck with my disciple John's design for it is good and it worketh. For John made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon the mountain. 2. And shouldst thou muck with it, and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm. 3. And as the ages passed, men in their ignorance and arrogance didst forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911 and their metal smiths didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by lust. 4. Their artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase. For lo, the artisans didst charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so that the lowly field worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it. 5. And lo, they didst install adjustable sights, which are an abomination unto the Lord. For they doth break and lose their zero when thou dost need true aim. And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by their enemies in the Great Battle. 6. And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought by man and didst cause, as he had warned, fearful malfunctions to come upon the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no wrong. 7. Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men the lord of the underworld did see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them. 8. And being a deceitful spirit, the lord of the underworld did make these plastic pistols unamenable to the artisans of earth and they were unable to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did appear to function. 9. And the Evil One also brought forth pistols in which the trigger didst both cock and fire them and which require a "dingus" to make them appear safe. 10. But man, being stupid, did not understand these new pistols and didst proceed to shoot themselves with the plastic pistol and with the trigger-cocking pistols for lo their manual of arms required great intelligence which man had long since forsaken. Yet man continue to gloat over these new pistols blaming evil forces for the negligent discharges which they themselves had committed. 11. And when man had been totally ensnared with the plastic pistol, the lord of the Underworld didst cause a plague of the terrible "Ka-Boom" to descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution upon men. And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land. 12. Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings of the prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911s to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men, they didst begin to work as the prophet had intended. 13. And the men of the land didst drive out the charlatans and profaners from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land, except for the evil sprits which tried occasionally to prey on the men and women of the land and who were sent to the place of eternal damnation by the followers of John.

I make my own 45 bullets and I just have to say that it is not cheaper to make them yourself. This is something that is labor intensive and it will take me 4 hours just to make 200 bullets. Copper prices are climbing fast, with lead right behind. I only do it because it's a lot of fun and I have a stash of free lead. If you want to save money, go with the high volume guys who make bullets for a living. Back on mute.

I got mine from eBay. I also use mine for my camera at home, so I got one that has a few extra features, like a leveling bubble. The brick with a bungee sounds like a good idea for when it is windy. I'm going to give it a try next time. Back on mute.

I use 4.8gr of TiteGroup under a 200gr Bear Creek bullet and it is very consistant. Back on mute.

Dogs are truely man's best friend. Back on mute.

I've been using 4.8gr of Titegroup for years with the Bear Creek 200gr SWC Springer 45. Never had a problem and it shoots clean. Back on mute.

A co-worker gave me some 45 ACP brass 5 years ago that he had primed in 1976. I added powder and bullet and they all went bang. He lived in Florida at the time he primed the cases and they had been sitting out in my garage for 5 years before I reloaded them. Back on mute.

Contractor A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut, or deal. Bid Opening A poker game in which the losing hand wins. Bid A wild guess carried out in two decimal places. Low Bidder A contractor who is wondering what he left out. Engineers Estimate The known cost of constuction in heaven. Bonding Company A required player in the game. Win, lose, or draw, the bonding company still gets paid, but if the contractor loses, the company quits playing with him. REMEMBER, the bonding company is a REQUIRED player! Project Manager The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union. Critical Path Method A management technique for losing your ass under perfect control. O.S.H.A. A protective coating made by half baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs, plus baloney usually applied at random with a shotgun. Strike An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken. Delayed Payment A tourniquet applied to the hing pocket. Completion Date The point at which liquidated damages begin. Liquidated damages A penalty for failing to acheive the impossible. Auditor People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded. Lawyer People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies.

I've been shooting thier bullets for three years now in my 45 with Titegroup and I never have had a problem with leading. I just do a normal cleaning with a patch and Break Free. I also use their bullets in my 44 and 357 mag with H110 and the barrels remain lead free. Back on mute.

oh no! not cowboy action shooting! bad, bad Why's your finger on the trigger while the revolver is pointed at your foot? Is that okay in Cowboy Action Shooting or is it a DQ?

+1 on Bear Creek. I use them in my 45, 44 and 357. Back on mute.

Vlad, You kill me..

The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney. The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay.Go ahead." Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet." Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." The auditor c an tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. "Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be happy about it." Back on mute.

It's funny you should mention this. I think I have found a use for those pesky 40 S&W cases I pick up by accident every so often. Just last night I was playing around with my new bullet swage press and I grabbed a 40 S&W case, bumped it up to .451, seated a lead core and rounded it over. It came out to 360gr. I'll next try trimming the case down so that I can get it down to 300 gr. Back on mute.

All of this advice is good to know and I have replaced the spring. I was up in Coos Bay, OR last weekend and I didn't have time to test it. I'll let everyone what the final fix is. Thanks for your help.

First of all I would like to thank everyone for their advice. When I pulled out the firing pin, I found that the small end of the spring was away from the hammer. I turned the spring around and tried to slip it over the firing pin. It only went up the pin half way and would not go any further. The small end of the spring looks like it has been hammered pretty good and needs replacement. If that doesn't work, I'll try the other advice I received.

I was at practice on Monday and after about 50 rounds I got a jam. It turns out that the firing pin stop had slid down and was jammed under the hammer. This prevented the slide from moving all the way back. I pushed it back up and continued with practice. This happened once before and I would like to take care of it before it happens at a match. I checked the firing pin to see if it may be getting stuck in the forward position, but it moves freely in the hole. I am thinking that it may be a weak firing pin spring and the pin is not coming back fast enought to keep the stop locked in place. Any ideas?

In most of the northern states, there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop in the single digits or below. One morning in March 2004 about 3 a.m. a Wyoming state trooper responded to a call of a car off the shoulder on the outside of the town of Casper. The trooper located the car, with the engine still running, stuck in the deep snow along side the highway. Pulling in behind it with his emergency lights on, the officer walked to the driver's door to find a man passed out behind the wheel and a near empty bottle of vodka in the seat beside him. The trooper tapped on the window and the driver woke up, seeing the rotating lights in his rear view mirror and the state policeman standing next to his car, the man panicked. He jerked the gearshift into drive and hit the gas. The car's speedometer was showing 20-30-40 then 50 mph but it was still stuck in the snow. The trooper, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding, but still stationary, car. The driver was totally freaked, thinking the officer was actually keeping up with him. This goes on for about 30 seconds when the trooper yelled at the man ordering him to "Pull over!". The driver obeyed, turned his wheel, and stopped the engine. Once out of the car the drunken driver asked about the trooper's special training and just how he could possibly run 50 mph. The man was arrested, still believing that a trooper had outrun his car.

A ferry is operating among the islands of the Scottish Hebrides. It is cold and rainy. The captain is worrried about some young passengers. The skipper calls down below decks: " Is there a macintosh down there to keep a couple of lassies warm?" The reply comes: " No, but there's a MacPherson who's willing to try!"

Dr. MacDonald of Edinburgh had a reputation for a good bedside manner with patients. One day he comes into the patient's room and informs him that he has some bad news -and also some very bad news. Which would he like to hear first? The already frightened patient says: " "Tell me the bad news first". Dr. MacDonald says:" You're going to die in 24 hours". The patient screams: " Migod, Doctor! What could be the very bad news?" Dr. MacDonald says: " I should have told you yesterday".

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

A clergyman who is a fanatic golfer decides to skip Sunday morning services and go play golf. He has a substitute fill in for him. He drives far out of town to a golf course where he is not known. He checks in and prepares to tee off. An angel above is watching all this. The angel says to the Lord: " I don't think this is right". The Lord says: " I'll take care of him". The clergyman drives off from the first tee. It is a superb drive and, in fact, the clergyman scores a hole in one! The clergyman is stunned at first and then explodes with joy. He actually dances up and down. The angel says to the Lord: " I don't see how that is taking care of him". The Lord smiles: " Who's he going to tell?"

An Irishman by the name of Paul McLean moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone. An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers. Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers." "'Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies. "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond." The bartender and the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink. Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening -- he orders only two beers. Word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers. The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know -- the two beers and all..." The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just that I, meself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out." "Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!" "Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old. "No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all." "So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?" "No, I have one every morning at 6:30." Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?" "I don't wake up until 7:00"

A guy boards a plane and is seated next to a cute blonde. He wastes no time in making his move. He says to her: "It's going to be a long flight and perhaps some nice conversation will help time to pass quicker". The blonde (who was just about to open a book) sizes him up and says: "Why not?". The guy is something of a weasel and says to her with a smirk: "Shall we talk about nuclear power?" The blonde says: "Before we do, let me ask you a question. A deer, a cow and a horse all eat grass. A deer craps out little pellets. A cow produces flat patties. A horse gives out muffins of dried poop". Now why do you suppose they are so different?" The guy is dumbfounded. He says: "I really have no idea!". The blonde says: "How is it that you consider yourself qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know chit?"