Merlin Orr Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 Any PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to house an evil spirit," Is Your Computer Possesed by a Demon? SAVANNAH, Ga. -- Your computer may be possessed by a demon, a leading minister warns. "While the Computer Age has ushered in many advances, it has also opened yet another door through which Lucifer and his minions can enter and corrupt men's souls," said the Reverend Jim Peasboro, author of an upcoming book, The Devil in the Machine. "Demons are able to possess anything with a brain, from a chicken to a human being. And today's thinking machines have enough space on their hard drives to accommodate Satan or his pals. "Any PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to house an evil spirit," the minister confirmed. The Savannah clergyman says he became aware of the problem from counseling churchgoers. "I learned that many members of my congregation became in touch with a dark force whenever they used their computers," he said. "Decent, happily married family men were drawn irresistibly to pornographic websites and forced to witness unspeakable abominations. "Housewives who had never expressed an impure thought were entering Internet chat rooms and found themselves spewing foul, debasing language they would never use normally. "One woman wept as she confessed to me, 'I feel when I'm on the computer as if someone else or something else just takes over.' The minister said he probed one such case, actually logging onto the parishioner's computer himself. To his surprise, an artificial-intelligence program fired up -- without him clicking it on. "The program began talking directly to me, openly mocked me," he recalls. "It typed out, 'Preacher, you are a weakling and your God is a damn liar.' Then the device went haywire and started printing out what looked like gobbledygook. "I later had an expert in dead languages examine the text," the minister said. "It turned out to be a stream of obscenities written in a 2,800-year-old Mesopotamian dialect!" Since, then, Rev. Peasboro has researched the problem further and uncovered alarming facts. "I learned most of the youths involved in school shootings like the tragedy at Columbine were computer buffs," he said. "I have no doubt that computer demons exerted an influence on them." The minister estimates that one in 10 computers in America now houses some type of evil spirit. Rev. Peasboro advises that if you suspect your computer is possessed, you consult a clergyman or, if the computer is still under warranty, take it in for servicing. He says, "Technicians can replace the hard drive and reinstall the software, getting rid of the wicked spirit permanently." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diehli Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 Wow... who knew IT people were that close to god. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aXXman Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 I wonder how many megs a normal evil spirit takes up on disc... Any PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to house an evil spirit I guess my Commodore 64 was clean then. There is no doubt that people behave worse when they are anonymous than when people know who they are, but all of that stuff was in their heart to start with. Hopefully SP3 will take care of it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XRe Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 Heck, my Unix box has many daemons..... and that's the way (uh huh uh huh) I like it! (yes, I *am* a geek........) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiG Lady Posted March 6, 2005 Share Posted March 6, 2005 Hey-ho, let's hear it for the daemons!!! Gawd... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geezer-lock Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 As a gear head of some standing in my community I can offer the following advice to Rev. Peasboro: The way rid the machine of the evil spirits is to purge the magic smoke from the box. A simple screw driver will work. Make sure the machine is running then insert your screw driver into one of the many “slots” in the back of the machine. Wiggle the tool vigorously until you see the light and the magic smoke. No charge for the advice. geezer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.Hayden Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Holy Water works fine for this too... It (they, them?) only takes over hard drives... watch out, those iPods could be next! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Orr Posted March 8, 2005 Author Share Posted March 8, 2005 Holy Water works fine for this too... It (they, them?) only takes over hard drives... watch out, those iPods could be next! Too late! I have seen the poor unfortunates with iPods writhing uncontrollably after they attach the ear pieces.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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